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My Wife’s Chest Is Like Bathroom Slippers, Man Tells Court

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Photo: TRIBUNE Online

In what that can only be described as a mix of courtroom drama and stand-up comedy, a 54-year-old Lusaka man of Zambia, at the Matero Court, shocked everyone when he gave testimony about his marriage challenges.

The man, who might soon need witness protection from his wife, blamed her aging body and his “biological programming” for his wandering eyes.

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“My Lord, I’m a victim here,” he began, adjusting his tie like a man about to plead for his life.

“I look at my wife in bed, and I feel like I’m sleeping next to my fellow man!”

According to Zambia Observer, gasps filled the room, followed by stifled laughter when he added, “Her chest is like bathroom slippers, and her belly looks like a zebra!

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READ ALSO: Woman Prays Court For Custody Of 14-year-old Daughter

The judge, trying hard to suppress a smile, asked, “So you’re saying motherhood and time have ‘ruined’ her beauty? Is that your excuse?”

Before he could respond, murmurs of “Awe sure!” and “Yaba!” spread through the courtroom.

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Where is the beautiful woman I married 18 years ago?

“This one here… eh, my Lord, I can’t!” he declared, dramatically shaking his head like a man forced to eat nshima without relish.

The women in the gallery exchanged looks that screamed, “This man needs deliverance!”

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READ ALSO: Court Dissolves 4-year-old Marriage Over Wife’s Bad Character

But he wasn’t done. “It’s not my fault. All men are born with this virus of ch-tng! It’s in our blood!” he exclaimed, pounding his chest for effect.

The courtroom erupted with laughter, and one woman shouted from the back, “Boss, if it’s a virus, then you need a vaccine called manners!”

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Another lady, clearly unimpressed, added, “Before you talk about bathroom slippers, show us your six-pack. Oh, sorry, I meant your one-pack!”

The man looked flustered, but he stuck to his argument, claiming women should “accept us as we are because that’s how God made us.”

The judge, barely able to keep a straight face, delivered a lesson: “Marriage is not about six-packs or zebra-free bellies.

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READ ALSO: Trump’s 8-point Tax Provision In US Revealed

“It’s about love, respect, and appreciating the sacrifices your partner makes.”

He added, “And sir, maybe look in the mirror before calling someone ‘rusty.’ You’re not exactly shiny yourself!”

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As the court adjourned, women outside were heard saying, “Zebra belly? That’s called stripes of motherhood—he should kneel down and thank her!”

One man whispered, “Eh, this guy has ended his marriage today. Someone call the fire brigade for his house tonight!”

The case might not have had a legal ruling, but it left the nation with one undeniable fact: Zambian humor, like love, knows no bounds!
(TRIBUNE)

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Police Arrests Three Masterminds Of Abuja Kidnappings

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Operatives of the Federal Capital Territory Police Command have arrested three notorious kidnap suspects linked to a spate of deadly abductions in Abuja and neighbouring states.

According to a statement signed by the Force PPRO, Abuja Command, SP Josephine Adeh, on Thursday, the suspects, 27 years old Ya’u Shittu from Kaduna State; 30 years old Sale Usman from Niger State; and 28 years old Ibrahim Abdullahi from Abuja, were captured during sting operations carried out between June 13 and 18, 2025, in Kaduna, Niger, and Nasarawa states by the Command’s elite Scorpion Squad.

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The suspects, who have been on the Command’s wanted list, reportedly confessed to multiple kidnappings and murders, including the 2024 killing of a pastor in Mpape and the abduction of children in the same area where their father was shot dead. Police also tied them to the kidnapping of a woman for whom N10 million was paid in ransom, with each gang member pocketing N500,000.

READ ALSO: Again, Many Feared Dead In Abuja’s Nyanya-Mararaba Road Crash

Adeh said the breakthrough followed “credible digital reconstructive intelligence” and was led by ACP Victor O. Godfrey.

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According to the police, Ibrahim Abdullahi, who also doubled as the gang’s arms supplier, led officers to a hideout in Bukuru, Nasarawa State on June 18. Upon arrival, the police team was met with gunfire from other gang members, prompting a shootout.

Abdullahi attempted to flee but was shot and rearrested. Other gang members escaped and are currently being pursued,” the statement added.

Exhibits recovered from the scene included a long knife and various charms.

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READ ALSO: EFCC Arrests Business Mogul, Achimugu, At Abuja Airport

FCT Commissioner of Police, CP Ajao S. Adewale, commended the bravery of the Scorpion Squad and reassured residents of the Command’s commitment to public safety. He urged citizens to remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity to security operatives.

This is a major blow to violent crime in the FCT. We are determined to rid our communities of criminal elements,” he said.

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The suspects remain in custody as investigations continue. Meanwhile, police have intensified efforts to track and arrest the fleeing members of the gang.
(PUNCH)

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FG Closes Case In Alleged Terrorism Trial Against Nnamdi Kanu

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The Federal Government, on Thursday, closed its case in the ongoing trial of Nnamdi Kanu, leader of the proscribed Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB), in the allegations bordering on terrorism and treason.

The FG’s lawyer, Chief Adegboyega Awomolo, SAN, announced this after the 5th prosecution witness (PW-5), identified as EEE for security reasons, was led in evidence and cross-examined by Kanu’s lawyer, Onyechi Ikpeazu, before Justice James Omotosho of the Federal High Court in Abuja.

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READ ALSO: Kanu’s Radio Transmitter Import Was Unauthorised, DSS Tells Court

Awomolo told the court that after calling five witnesses in the trial, the prosecution was satisfied that from the avalanche of evidence tendered, including the broadcast of activities of the leader of the IPOB, the government had sufficiently satisfied the need to close its case.

“I therefore close the case,” the senior lawyer said.

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After the announcement, the lead defence counsel, Chief Kanu Agabi, informed the court that they would be opting for a no-case submission, which would be filed in due course.
(NAN)

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NAF Air Strikes Destroy IED Factory, Terrorists’ Gun Trucks In Borno

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The Nigerian Air Force (NAF) said on Thursday that its fighter aircraft operating under Operation Hadin Kai (OPHK) has destroyed an IED factory and terrorist gun trucks and eliminated dozens of fighters in Kwaltiri, within the Tumbuktu Triangle, Borno State.

Air Commodore Ehimen Ejodame, Director of Public Relations, said, “The 18 June 2025 airstrike followed intelligence reports of terrorist activity in the area.

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“Surveillance confirmed the presence of an IED-making site and vehicles, which were struck in precision passes by NAF aircraft.

READ ALSO: NAF Airstrikes Kill Terrorists, Destroy Hideouts In Borno

“The operation is a major blow to terrorists’ fighting capabilities, as the successful strikes not only disrupted their command and control as well as logistics chains but also sent shockwaves through their ranks, significantly degrading their morale and operational momentum.

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“It reinforces NAF’s resolve to degrade terrorist capabilities and enhance security in the North East.”

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