Metro
My Wife’s Chest Is Like Bathroom Slippers, Man Tells Court

In what that can only be described as a mix of courtroom drama and stand-up comedy, a 54-year-old Lusaka man of Zambia, at the Matero Court, shocked everyone when he gave testimony about his marriage challenges.
The man, who might soon need witness protection from his wife, blamed her aging body and his “biological programming” for his wandering eyes.
“My Lord, I’m a victim here,” he began, adjusting his tie like a man about to plead for his life.
“I look at my wife in bed, and I feel like I’m sleeping next to my fellow man!”
According to Zambia Observer, gasps filled the room, followed by stifled laughter when he added, “Her chest is like bathroom slippers, and her belly looks like a zebra!
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The judge, trying hard to suppress a smile, asked, “So you’re saying motherhood and time have ‘ruined’ her beauty? Is that your excuse?”
Before he could respond, murmurs of “Awe sure!” and “Yaba!” spread through the courtroom.
“Where is the beautiful woman I married 18 years ago?
“This one here… eh, my Lord, I can’t!” he declared, dramatically shaking his head like a man forced to eat nshima without relish.
The women in the gallery exchanged looks that screamed, “This man needs deliverance!”
READ ALSO: Court Dissolves 4-year-old Marriage Over Wife’s Bad Character
But he wasn’t done. “It’s not my fault. All men are born with this virus of ch-tng! It’s in our blood!” he exclaimed, pounding his chest for effect.
The courtroom erupted with laughter, and one woman shouted from the back, “Boss, if it’s a virus, then you need a vaccine called manners!”
Another lady, clearly unimpressed, added, “Before you talk about bathroom slippers, show us your six-pack. Oh, sorry, I meant your one-pack!”
The man looked flustered, but he stuck to his argument, claiming women should “accept us as we are because that’s how God made us.”
The judge, barely able to keep a straight face, delivered a lesson: “Marriage is not about six-packs or zebra-free bellies.
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“It’s about love, respect, and appreciating the sacrifices your partner makes.”
He added, “And sir, maybe look in the mirror before calling someone ‘rusty.’ You’re not exactly shiny yourself!”
As the court adjourned, women outside were heard saying, “Zebra belly? That’s called stripes of motherhood—he should kneel down and thank her!”
One man whispered, “Eh, this guy has ended his marriage today. Someone call the fire brigade for his house tonight!”
The case might not have had a legal ruling, but it left the nation with one undeniable fact: Zambian humor, like love, knows no bounds!
(TRIBUNE)
Metro
Fake Soldier Arrested For Defrauding Ondo Family Of N1.2m Retirement Benefits

A 35-year-old man, Temigbe Adeola, has been arrested in Akure, the Ondo State capital, for allegedly impersonating a serving officer of the Nigerian Army and defrauding a family of N1.2 million, money belonging to the retirement benefits of the victim’s mother.
Adeola’s arrest followed credible intelligence that he had fraudulently obtained the funds from one Mr Temiloluwa.
This was disclosed in a statement issued on Thursday in Akure by the Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Olushola Ayanlade.
According to the police, the N1.2 million represented part of the victim’s mother’s retirement benefits, which the family had invested in property.
READ ALSO:Soldiers Kill 80 Bandits In Kebbi Border Clash
Further investigations revealed that the victim’s son had approached Adeola for assistance in retrieving the funds, believing him to be a serving military officer.
“Exploiting the trust placed in him, the suspect, along with accomplices who are currently at large, deceitfully obtained the money and converted it to their own use,” Ayanlade said.
He added that the case showcases the importance of public vigilance and highlights the proactive steps taken by the police to safeguard citizens’ hard-earned resources.
Upon interrogation, Adeola reportedly confessed to the crime and admitted that he had been dismissed from the Nigerian Army in 2023 after serving with the 82 Battalion in Enugu.
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His impersonation and involvement with other fugitives remain subjects of ongoing, professional investigation.
The police spokesperson confirmed that Adeola is currently in lawful custody and will be charged to court once investigations are concluded.
He also noted that efforts are underway to track down the remaining accomplices, reaffirming the command’s commitment to ensuring that all individuals connected to the crime are brought to justice.
“The Ondo State Police Command remains steadfast in its mandate to protect lives and property. We urge residents to stay alert and report suspicious behaviour or individuals to the nearest police station.
“Under the strategic guidance of the Inspector-General of Police, the command will continue to strengthen intelligence-driven operations and uphold the highest standards of professionalism,” Ayanlade added.
Metro
Two Suspected Motorcycle Snatchers Lynched In Benue

Two suspected motorcycle snatchers were reportedly killed in Makurdi, the Benue State capital, on Friday.
The incident led to the recovery of stolen properties including over 1,000 motorcycles, sewing machines, grinding machines and other household items.
The recovered items were displayed by authorities for public identification as residents whose motorcycles or belongings were previously stolen were urged to visit the venue and check for their property.
READ ALSO:Gunmen Assassinate APC Chieftain In Front Of His Family In Otukpo, Benue
Details surrounding the operation, including the security agency involved and how the suspects were apprehended, were not immediately provided.
There was also no confirmation on whether additional suspects were arrested or if investigations were ongoing.
Residents who expressed relief over the recovery of stolen goods, were also apprehensive concerning the rise in motorcycle thefts and the general security situation in Makurdi.
Spokesperson of the Benue State Police Command, DSP Udeme Edet, could not be reached at the time of filling this report.
Metro
Police, Military Comb Forests In Search For Abducted Niger Catholic School Students

Security agencies comprising police tactical units, military components and others have launched a search for the abducted students of St. Mary Secondary School, Papiri Agwara Local Government Area of Niger State.
Terrorists had earlier invaded the school and went away with a large number of students and staff.
The Niger State Police Command, in a statement made available to DAILY POST by its spokesman, SP W. A Abiodun, said the incident occurred early hours of Friday.
READ ALSO:
He said the armed men invaded the school premises at about 2:00 am and “abducted a yet to be ascertained number of students from the hostel”
Terrorists invade Catholic School in Niger, kidnap students, staff
“However, police tactical units, military components and other security agencies have moved to the scene, combing the forests with a view to rescue the abducted students.
“In view of this, the Commissioner of Police Niger State Command CP Adamu Abdullahi Elleman reiterated the Command’s commitment to rescue the students unhurt, and appealed to members of the public to remain calm and support security operations to rescue the students,” the statement added.
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