The good, the bad and the ugly incidents that fetishised the ‘Ember’ months, notwithstanding, the year 2024 rolled off Earth’s cliff two days ago, plunging into the domain of history.

For most Nigerians, 2024 was a plummet down the valley of penury, like the restless Jabulani ball, scissors-kicked over the bar by a striker in a team of wanton boys playing soccer on a hill. F-r-e-e-z-e: Players and spectators watch, mouths agape, as the ball bounces– gba, gba, gba, gba, gbos – into the abyss of no return.

Leaving T-Pain’s tonnes of pain in the memory of multidimensionally poor Nigerians, 2024 melts away like a candle in the wind as 2025 unveils its almanac of hope and promise at January’s doorstep: hope and promise– fodders for the poor.

But I often hear Generation Z say, ‘Nigeria is a cruise’; whatever that means is not a compliment. Dis Gen Z no send. They also describe Nigeria as an ‘active crime scene’. I strongly do not disagree.

“Proverbs, prophets, profits, politics and pains” is the other headline I considered for this piece. The white man is wise; He pronounces prophet and profit the same way—probably because He knows one is a mirror, the other is a reflection. Playing politics, He brought us the Books of the Prophets to enslave and make profits from our pains. The white man: He deserves a capital H because He is very wise. His H, however, could also mean Heaven or Hell. What does His H mean?

In their wisdom, the Igbo say the proverb is the palm oil with which words are eaten. I concur. According to the Yoruba, a proverb is the horse deployed in search of speech when words go AWOL. I daresay that for Africans, in general, a proverb is the thread the needle threads to hold together the verbal embroidery in everyday conversation.

Charity should not end at home, though it begins there. To this intent and purpose, I intend, in this article, to use proverbs to contextualise Nigeria’s political and religious leadership on the canvas of hypocrisy, starting with Igbo proverbs.

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But wait oh, do you know why footballers bore holes in their socks? It is because they want their legs to breathe. Do you remember the squished black American, George Floyd, and his neck, grunting under the knee of breakneck brutality in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 2020?

Well, soccer players cut holes in their socks to reduce tightness and pressure on the calves, thereby preventing cramps and spasms. Holes in socks also allow better air flow and blood circulation in the feet.

Ex-House of Representatives member from Edo State, Patrick Obahiagbon, is both a jokesmith and a wordsmith. From him, I learnt Isi-ewu-lysing and peppersouping.

In the years of the military, the phrase ‘Fellow Nigerians’ sent khaki-chill down the spine of the citizenry when potbellied isi-ewu-lysing and peppersouping coup plotters seized the air to announce the death of a reigning government and the birth of a new one.

But a serving Lagos Police Public Relations Officer, Superintendent Alozie Ogugbuaja, dared the military by telling Nigerians that the country’s soldiers were more adept at isi-ewu-lysing and peppersouping than cocking a gun. I still do not know how Ogugbuaja never stopped a bullet!

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“Fellow Nigerians” and “With immediate effect” are military phrases invented by the late General Murtala Mohammed, who seized power from General Yakubu Gowon at 36, with Gowon himself being 31 when he shot to power. Those were the years when youths were truly the leaders of tomorrow. But ancestors are in power today.

So, it is with the utmost sense of political history that I hereby use the phrase ‘Fellow Nigerians’.

Fellow Nigerians, to survive religious and political asphyxiation in 2025, there is the need to use our heads more than our hearts and move away in the opposite direction from profiteering politicians and crooked prophets, whose yearly predictions and projections are emptier than emptiness. To buttress my charge, I bring you the Igbo proverb that says, “Ukwu na ga wara; anya na ga wara na hu ya.” Meaning: When the legs walk in the shadows, eyes in the shadows will see it.

The Igbo are not done; they have another proverb that speaks to the hypocrisy exemplified by Nigeria’s military bombing of innocent citizens in Sokoto last Christmas. Here is the proverb: “O bu mmuo ndi na-efe na-egbu ha.” Meaning: It’s the deity that people worship that kills them.

In Sokoto, Nigerian soldiers made another tactless error by raining bombs on the innocent, killing no fewer than 10 people. But instead of military authorities owning up and apologising for the human error, the Chief of Air Staff, Hassan Abubakar, in a Christmas broadcast, thanked members of the Air Force.

Unlike stronger, more equipped and better-educated armies worldwide, the Nigerian Army never says sorry for intentional and unintentional wrongdoing. N-E-V-E-R! From the throwing of Mrs Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti out of an upstairs window to the Odi massacre and other senseless killings nationwide, the Nigerian military never says sorry, whereas the strongest army in the world, the US Army, apologises whenever it errs against the citizenry.

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Since Independence, the Nigerian Army has proudly worn its ‘big-for-nothing’ badge, always bullying the citizenry rather than offering protection. I aver without equivocation that the Nigerian Army is the most arrogant of all the agencies of government. And the most lawless, too. It is the stupid god that kills its people.

It took the Vice President, Kashim Shettima, and Sokoto State Governor, Ahmed Aliyu, to apologise and sympathise with the families of the Sokoto bereaved. What would it cost the Army to apologise for an unintended error?

Yoruba proverbs are as plentiful as the sands of the beach. One of them is “Oju abere ni okun n to”. It means the thread follows the path created by the needle.

But the thread of Nigeria’s priesthood has deviated from the path created by the needle. The needle here is a metaphor for the Holy Bible and the Holy Quran, with the Ifa priesthood being not as ridiculous as the Christian and Islamic priesthoods.

January is the time of the year when Christian clerics especially, and some of their Muslim counterparts, who are playing catch-up, come up with spurious predictions for the New Year.

They claim they hear from God, but 101 per cent of their puerile predictions do not come to pass. I wonder how they face their congregation days after their predictions come to nought. Some people are shameless, thick-skinned toads.

I also wonder how their congregations face them after their litanies of failed predictions. Is it a case of “iso inu eku, a mu mo’ra ni” or “Esin alatosin ko si lowo okobo”? In the ‘iso inu eku’ proverb, the Yoruba deduce that when the masquerader farts inside its masquerade, he cannot complain of the smell.

Also, the Yoruba call a man suffering from gonorrhoea (‘alatosin’). They reason that a man suffering from gonorrhoea is better than another suffering from erectile dysfunction. Surely, there is a dire dysfunction in the nation’s priesthood.

None of Nigeria’s lying seers saw the spate of drownings nationwide. Their gods could not tell them specifically about impending flooding, building collapse and fire outbreaks. I would not mention names because they know themselves and the mugus know them.

If their thread was following the path charted by the needle, they would have been as exact as the dreamer called Joseph or Elijah, the rainmaker or Jacob, who saw heaven. But the needle and the thread of priesthood in Nigeria have fallen apart.

I will end this piece with two Hausa proverbs, “Rua ba su yami banza,” and “Kadda ya yi chikki, ya haifu wauya.” The first means water does not get bitter without a cause, while the second means do not do something that you would be sorry for afterwards.

It is a new year; let’s be patriotically wise. Only a stubborn dog disregards the hunter’s whistle. A word is enough for the wise. Welcome, 2025!