By Lasisi Olagunju

Yesterday, someone asked me to give my current impression of that coalition party called the ADC. I asked if the person knew the meaning of the idiom: a loud fart in a windstorm, or simply, a fart in the wind. That is my impression of the party that came loud and furious like Hurricane Katrina just a few weeks ago. And unlike that hurricane of devastating results, the ADC appears to have gone limp like a boastful eunuch’s potency, so soon after its entry.

Apart from beautifully written press releases, what else have you seen of the ADC that should make any person in government uncomfortable, or make the distraught street trekker hopeful of a coming change? ADC’s National Secretary is Mr Rauf Aregbesola. The secretary is the engine room of the party. But the gadfly appears more interested in the politics of Western Nigeria than in making the party run strong from its national secretariat. Last month, the party announced its plan to inaugurate a 50-man policy committee to set an agenda for Nigeria. Have you heard anything about that since then? That is how you know the difference between a thunder clap and a fart.

A party seeking power does what the man seeking a woman does. They show practical, consistent, engaged behaviour. The party must do what great chess players do: “Great players consider their opponent’s threats before they think about their own moves; they avoid moves that will help their opponent. They also take the initiative whenever possible.” That is how ‘chess fox’, a website on the game of chess, put it. If a party is interested in taking power, you would know from its plans and moves. I have not seen anything extraordinary in the footfall of the ADC for it to be seen as a viable alternative to the party in the Villa. Could that be the reason why the South-West chapter of the ruling APC dismissed the ADC as “a mere distraction” last Friday?

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If a party is tired of being in government, you would see it pandering to, and pampering the opposition. Goodluck Jonathan was seen doing exactly that between 2013 and late 2014 with the Buhari/Tinubu combo. Jonathan nursed the APC boa with so much naivety until it was matured enough to constrict and consume him. I have not seen such suicidal inclinations in Bola Tinubu and his APC. Indeed, what we hear from the party in power is that “Tinubu is not Jonathan.” And I think those saying that are very right in their assessment of the man who owns Nigeria. Tinubu is not just a vote seeker; he is a ruthless vote maximizer. That is not the kind of man you can confidently remove with press releases.

During the Ileya festival of 2016, a group of young drummers went to Tinubu’s Boudillon to try their luck with him. And they were very lucky. He met them drumming and singing. The big man loved their song and danced to their beats with gusto and meaningful gestures.

As the boys beat the drums, they also sang out what the drums were saying: “Novice they are/ they don’t know anything/Ajanaku emerges from a distance, they went for canes/ The Elephant is more than an animal you beat with sticks…(Òpè ni wón o, won ò mo nkankan/ Àjànàkú yo l’ókèrè, wón lo m’óré dání/ Erin kojá eran à nf’òpá lù…). This battle song was composed for the Lion of Boudillon nine years ago. I wrote about it here on October 3, 2016. That was seven years before the lion roared his way into the Villa. Now, Tinubu is in power controlling all weapons of war, peace and politics. Anyone who would fight and worst him needs more than canes and bluster.

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“People tell stories. And, as they tell stories, they express and explore their ideas about the world and their place in it.” That line belongs to Christine Goldberg in her interrogation of ‘The Construction of Folktales’ published in 1986. Nine years ago, Boudillon celebrated the Elephant’s steeze in the face of impotent sticks. The song and its drumbeats stand on all four with an old folktale on a jungle that could not overcome its overbearing king:

Long ago, Lion (Kiniun) ruled the forest with pride and guile. Every animal feared his roar. Whenever he was hungry, he pounced on whichever creature he desired. He would snatch food from the monkeys, chase the antelopes away from their grazing fields, and even drink the river dry before Elephant could take a sip.

One day, Tortoise (Ijapa) called a secret meeting. “Brothers and sisters,” he said, “Lion is too powerful for one animal to fight. But if we work hard and stay united, we can defeat him.”

The animals nodded, but their hearts were not together. Monkey boasted, “With my speed and skill, I can handle Lion alone.” Elephant grumbled, “Why should I dig or plan with smaller animals? My strength is enough.” Antelope said, “What’s the use of all this talk? Lion will eat whom he wants anyway.” And the little Rat whispered, “Even if I try, the big ones will not notice me.”

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So, instead of making a real plan, they argued and scattered. Some went to sleep, some local, regional champions boasted, some acted as moles for Lion, others simply refused to work. Only a few, halfheartedly, scratched the ground, saying they were “preparing a trap.”

When Lion came roaring to the river, the animals rushed at him without order. Monkey leapt from the trees, but Lion caught him with one paw. Elephant charged blindly, but Lion sidestepped and bit his ear. Antelope ran forward, bleating, and was knocked aside. Even Tortoise, who tried to crawl near Lion’s feet, suffered a badly broken shell.

Lion laughed thunderously. “So this is your rebellion? Disorganised, lazy, and divided? You thought you could defeat me without planning and unity? If you would farm like the king, you would do what the bard suggested: you would make a million heaps in one day!”

That day, during the fight, many of the animals were injured. Each one had at least some bruise to treat, exactly as the palm trees of Ijaye nursed wounds of defeat 180 years ago. The scars, up to today, tell the gory news of the war that ruined their pride. The defeated animals limped back to the forest, ashamed and sorrowful. Tortoise shook his head: “I warned you. No one defeats Lion with pride, laziness, and quarrels. Disunity and half-work only strengthen the oppressor. Unity without action is empty; hard work without planning is wasted; pride and quarrels make the weak even weaker before the strong. Until we learn to plan, to work hard, and to unite, Lion will always rule over us.”