News

OPINION: BAT Rejects Trump’s Amazing Offer

Published

11 months ago

July 11, 2025

Tunde Odesola

The presidential convoy spread out on the Third Mainland Bridge like a cloud of bats on seasonal migration. Sirens screamed. Lights flashed. The convoy of vehicles unfolds like the hail of light produced when the welder’s electrode kisses a metal, shraaaah! shraaaah! E plenty like iná wédà to fóká síbè.

As an insect enthusiast with particular love for beekeeping (cockroaches and bedbugs not included, please), I know that bees, ants and wasps have no kings, but queens, who guard-bees protect with their lives. However, termites have kings and queens, both of whom soldier termites protect with their last blood.

Be they bees, ants, wasps or termites, I love watching the life of cooperation, protection, order and hard work among insects. I love their guards’ provision of security for all and sundry, unlike the guards in this presidential convoy, whose only duty is the protection of the President, his family and bootlickers.

Measuring 11.8 kilometres, the Third Mainland Bridge, a massive masterpiece of concrete and steel work stretching over the Lagos Lagoon, was started in 1975 by the General Yakubu Gowon military administration, and continued by General Murtala Mohammed’s six-month government, before President Shehu Shagari stepped into the picture and did his bit. However, it was General Ibrahim Babangida who took credit for the bridge construction because he ensured its completion in 1990.

If the charismatic Babangida didn’t annul the June 12, 1993 presidential election won by Chief MKO Abiola, he almost certainly would have been preferred by Nigerians to shed his military khaki for the agbada of politics, instead of the less gifted and dour General Muhammadu Buhari, who later got the presidency on fake promises.

Regrettably, Babangida apparently lost political goodwill, honour, peace of mind and two terms of civilian presidency to the June 12 annulment. Little did Nigerians know that the official name of the Third Mainland Bridge is Ibrahim Babangida Bridge, but nobody remembers that; people only remember the abortion of June 12. The things men do, live with them.

It was on this Ibrahim Babangida Bridge that the presidential convoy set out en route to the airport. Jesu! Not even the president of the richest and most powerful nation on earth, Donald Trump, has such a long motorcade. From my vantage point, I counted the number of vehicles in the convoy. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40…Ha! Kilode? Is the president japaing? Probably to make counting difficult, the outriders zigzagged and crisscrossed. So, I stopped at 40-something.

But in the middle of the armoured pack, I saw three Rolls-Royce Phantoms, three Cadillac Escalades, three Mercedes-Benzes, three Cybertrucks and three state-of-the-art buses. None of the cars in the convoy was assembled in Nigeria, despite the government’s avowed propaganda about patronising Made-in-Nigeria goods; not even the wash towels used for cleaning the vehicles were made in Nigeria, nor the foot mats.

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Everywhere was on lockdown: air, land and sea – forcing the sun to hide behind the clouds, and birds vacated the air while the poor man’s movement was put on hold by those he voted for. Only the convoy moved. I yawned inside a Lagos BRT vehicle, wondering why the big men’s movement should stop the movement of citizens on the opposite side of the bridge.

This was when the window of one of the three buses opened, and I glimpsed Nigeria’s most recognisable cap, with its trademark chain symbol, the chain of oppression.

“Haa! Bàba Bàbá ni o! Olowo Eko ni ooo!” a youngster hawking alcoholic drinks and bottled water in traffic shrieked. “It’s the BAT, King BAT, the Lord of Lagos!” a hawker of plantain chips screamed, jumping, “I saw him! I saw him! Baba smiled and waved at me! Baba waved at me! The Asiwaju of the Universe waved at me!” A cripple, who begs in traffic, hissed and shook his head, “Una dey praise those who chain una? Ok o, make una kontiniu, una never see anything.”

The heat in the BRT was stifling, and sweat poured from skin pores. Thoughts of Nigeria flooded my mind. Since I was born and now that I am getting old, I have never seen Nigeria changeth (for good).

Inside the armoured bus, seated at the feet of the Lord of Lagos were members of his innermost circle – Noisome Winke, IdanFemi Gbabiamila, Baba Chief AdeBC, Jide-Olu, and Natasha coveter, Chief Dogswill Akpabi.

In the fleeting moment when the Lord of Lagos let down his window, I saw his gaze travel beyond the hailing roadside traders, resting on the 13-storey Senate Building of the University of Lagos, across the lagoon. I saw desire lit up in his eyes. “My name will suit the university more than its current name. What is UNILAG? Why not UNIBAT?

Winke, the ultimate bootlicker and mind reader, will not miss the opportunity to massage the ego of the Lord of Lagos. Though he cleared his throat, the frog in it would not keep silent. “Jide-Olu, don’t you think you should name UNILAG and this world’s best bridge after our personal Lord and Saviour?” Jide-Olu smiled, “No, Winke. UNILAG and the Third Mainland Bridge do not belong to the state. They belong to the centre, which is headed by our Lord and Saviour.”

Sounding more like a masquerader battling stomach upset during a market show, Winke said, “Uhmm, it doesn’t matter, you can start the call from your end – that our leader deserves the university to be renamed after him. Or does he not?” Jide-Olu, “Why not, if not? In fact, I suggest we should call on the National Assembly to name all federal universities and polytechnics after our leader. That way, the nation will save money.”

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Lord of Lagos: What do you think about these suggestions, Natasha, oh sorry, I mean, Akpabi?

Akpabi: (Smiles like a child eating ice cream, his special Ibibio accent booming loud and clear) Ha, you are our òká o. And, as our òká, iris not too much if we name Nigeria after you, I swear. Nigerians cannot reyect it. On Monday, the yoint session will rook at how we are going to do it, so that the opposition and Nigeria Rabour Congress will not begin their wahala.”

Lord of Lagos: Baba AdeBC, what do you think?

Baba AdeBC: Well, it’s not a bad idea for Nigeria to show gratefulness to her messiah and defender. I think it’s a good idea. (Baba AdeBC beams his trademark smile, which is as lifeless as the beach foam left behind on the shore by the roaring ocean)

Idanfemi: Your Excellency, you have a phone call from the US President, sir.

Lord of Lagos: Oh, connect me, Idanfemi.

Trump: How’re you doing, BAT?

Lord of Lagos: I’m doing great, Donald. Thank you. How’re you and your wonderful family?

Trump: We’re fine, and thanks for asking. Hey BAT, can I pick your brain real quick?

Lord of Lagos: Ha! No oooo; leave my brain alone o. Please, don’t pick it. My brain is old already. Ma se erekere iwo arakunrin yi. When you know you need Nigerian brains, why did you restrict your visa to three-month single entry? If you want millions of Nigerian brains, you open your borders for 24 hours and see.

Trump: No, you’re getting me wrong. I don’t mean to pick your brain literally, I mean to ask for your knowledge and advice on some issues.

Lord of Lagos: Oh, I see. Fear don catch me. I don’t want anything to touch this my political brain o.

Trump: Exactly what I’m saying! That your political brain is what I want to pick. I just saw your convoy on CNN! How do you afford such a large convoy and retinue of sycophants?

Lord of Lagos: That’s not for me to worry. The state takes care of that.

Trump: OMG! You mean the state bears the brunt of all that drain on taxpayers’ money? Are you kidding me!? I think it’s better to be president of your shithole than be president of America, seriously.

Lord of Lagos: You have come with this shithole thing again, Donald? You’re not serious.

Trump: Can you believe that as president, I pay for the food my family and I eat, I pay for drinks and clothes. I pay for private parties when I host them, I pay for gifts when I buy them for foreign dignitaries, I cover my vacation accommodations, and I pay for private events hosted outside the White House. Additionally, I pay for general household items like toilet paper, toothpaste, and garbage bags. Do you know that Bill Clinton incurred $16 million in debt for legal and personal investigation fees, which he paid over time?

Lord of Lagos: (Bursts into laughter) And you say you’re prezdent? Hahahahah! You’re prezdent indeed. Hahahaha! Yes, you’re the most powerful prezdent on earth, but are you the most indulged? Certainly, no! You’re just an administrative paper prezdent, I’m the ultimate ruler.

Trump: I wish we could trade places.

Lord of Lagos: Ha, trade places ke? No ooo! Let me be prezdent of this shithole, you continue to be prezdent of your superpower country. Stay with your democracy. I’ll stay with my empire. I don’t want to be Prezdent of America. I don’t wan die in prison, please.

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesolap

News

Children’s Day: Chaos At Ogbe Stadium As Dozens Faint

Published

13 hours ago

May 27, 2026

Editor

Chaos erupted on Wednesday during the Children’s Day celebration as dozens of students reportedly collapsed following a stampede triggered by the use of pepper spray.

The event,
organised by the Edo State Ministry of Education at the Samuel Ogbemudia Stadium was disrupted after some male students of Ihogbe College allegedly made uncompromising advances towards female students at the venue.
‎
‎ A parent who identified himself as Oboh Emmanuel said, “the behaviour of those uncultured students attracted the attention of bouncers stationed at the stadium as they rebuked the male students.”
‎
‎Oboh said the affected students later regrouped and attacked the bouncers, leading to a confrontation within the crowded arena.

READ ALSO:Children’s Day: Edo Commits To Child Protection
‎
It was gathered that in the ensuing confusion, the bouncers were reported to have deployed pepper spray in an area occupied by a large number of students.
‎
‎Several students, particularly female students, reportedly fainted after inhaling the substance, while others sustained injuries after being stepped on during the ensuing melee.
‎
‎The panic was said to have spread across the stadium as students, teachers and parents scampered for safety.
‎
‎Many of the affected students were reportedly rushed to the Edo Specialist Hospital for medical attention.

Reacting to the incident, Chief Press Secretary to Governor Monday Okpebholo, Dr Patrick Ebojele, said the security personnel that fired the tear gas had been detained.

He said all the students, except two, that were rushed to the hospital have been discharged.

Ebojele stated that doctors wanted to observe the students till tomorrow before allowing them to go home.

“The two students are not seriously injured. Doctors want to observe them overnight. Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Education is still at the hospital. The man who used pepper spray has been detained.

“The incident did not happen the way it is being exaggerated. All modalities were put in place to ensure the children enjoyed their day.”
‎

News

Okpebholo Salutes Edo Muslims, Seeks Continued Support, Prayers

Published

14 hours ago

May 27, 2026

Editor

Governor Monday Okpebholo of Edo State has urged Muslims and all Nigerians to continue to pray for peace, unity and progress in the country even as they celebrate the annual Eid-al-Adha

The governor, who was represented by his deputy, Dennis Idahosa, stated this during the annual Eid-al-Adha celebration with Muslim faithfuls held at Government House in Benin City.

He reiterated his administration’s commitment to fairness, inclusivity and equal opportunities for all citizens irrespective of religion and tribe.

According to him, the present administration remains determined to building a government that reflects the diversity of Edo State, noting that competent and qualified Muslims have continued to play vital roles in his government because of their capacity, integrity and commitment to service.

“As a government, we remain committed to fairness, inclusivity and equal opportunity for every Edo citizen, irrespective of religion, ethnicity or political affiliation. This is why quality and competent Muslims are serving in key positions in our administration.”

Okpebholo appreciated the Muslim community in Edo State for their unwavering support and continuous prayers for his administration, noting that such prayers and support have contributed immensely to the peace and steady development being witnessed across the state.

He then called on all Nigerians to use the occasion of Eid-al-Adha to pray for the administration of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, stressing that the country needs collective prayers, unity and cooperation to overcome its present economic and security challenges.

“I urge all Muslims and indeed all Nigerians to use this occasion to pray for our dear nation and for the administration of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu. Nigeria needs our collective prayers, unity and support as we strive to overcome our challenges and build a more prosperous future for all.”

In his remarks, the Chief Imam of Edo State, Abdulfatai Enabulele, applauded the governor for what he described as remarkable developmental strides recorded in less than two years in office.

The cleric commended the administration for ongoing infrastructural development and efforts geared towards improving governance in the state, but appealed to the government to revisit and complete some abandoned projects inherited from the previous administration for the benefit of the people.

News

Children’s Day: Edo Commits To Child Protection

Published

14 hours ago

May 27, 2026

Editor

The Edo State Government has reaffirmed its commitment to protecting the rights of children, promoting quality education, and strengthening sports development across the state.

This assurance was given by the governor of Edo State, Monday Okpebholo, during the 2026 Children’s Day Celebration and Governor’s Cup Finale held on Wednesday at the Samuel Ogbemudia Stadium, Benin City.

Addressing pupils, students and teachers,
the governor described children as the pride of Edo State and the future of the nation.

The governor, represented by his deputy, Dennis Idahosa,
noted that the annual celebration provides an opportunity to honour their dreams, talents, and limitless potential.

Speaking on this year’s Children’s Day theme, “Choose Kindness, Reject Bullying,” the governor said the message was timely and significant, as it emphasizes the need to create safe, supportive, and inclusive environments for children both in schools and communities.

He stated that bullying in all forms — physical, verbal, emotional, or online — has no place in society, adding that the Edo State Government remains fully committed to protecting the rights and dignity of every child.

According to him, the administration will continue to strengthen policies and programmes that promote child protection, discipline, mutual respect, and positive learning environments across schools in the State.

The governor urged children to embrace kindness, compassion, teamwork, and respect for one another, stressing that true strength lies not in intimidation but in empathy, good character, and mutual understanding.