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OPINION: The Day Alcohol Showed Me Shégè (2)

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Tunde Odesola

Without cross-ventilation, the staffroom was a dimly illuminated coven where students were flogged together with their shadows. Painted blue upon crimson baseboard, the staffroom always wears a mean look, like a barracks on coup day.
“Where did you fetch the òdaràn from?” Mr Olukitibi asked the senior students. “School farm, sir,” they chorused. “But I told you to bundle him here like a thief, you fools,” Olukitibi barked, moving pseudo-threateningly towards the seniors who bolted away to their classes giggling.
Turning to me, “Oga, what were you doing on the school farm?” “Reading, sir,” I muttered. “Reading with lizards and birds?” he asked. “No, sir. I was doing personal reading; the library is often noisy, sir.” “Personal reading?” he asked, taking a long cane from the bunch on the floor, trimming off its tiny branches, and exchanging pleasantries with another teacher. Mr Olukitibi was a deft leftie.
I saw my fellow criminals huddled up on their knees in a corner. Without being told, I joined them. The most feared female teachers in the history of Archbishop Aggey Memorial Secondary School were Mrs Ojo and Mrs Esan, both of whom were popularly called Iya Ojo and Iya Esan. But behind their backs, students familiar with moonlight tales of witches and wizards called them ‘àwon ìyá Òsòròngà’. If you think the joint hunt of a lion and a tiger was brutal, the Iya Ojo and Iya Esan combo was more brutal. Iya Ojo and Iya Esan? Dare and die!
Unfortunately, it was Iya Ojo and Iya Esan who sat in judgment over us. They urged Mr Olukitibi to hold his fire, explaining that to serve as a deterrent, it was better to give our flogging the trappings befitting an egúngún festival. “A má gbé eégún léni; we will have an egúngún festival today,” they said.
But before the egúngún festival commenced, Iya Esan sent a student to go and buy a packet of candles. When the candles were brought, she lit one at a time and ordered us to stretch forward the back of our hands, one after the other, tilting the burning candle sideways and making sure the melting hot wax dropped on our fingernails.
I can’t remember how many candles she melted on our fingernails and backhand. But I know we cried as if our anuses were greased with pepper; little did we know our torture had not begun.
Then, Iya Ojo and Iya Esan sent for the most feared male teachers in the school, one after the other. They got Mr Ade Elvis aka Super, Mr Adetunji aka TD Master, Mr Lawal, Mr Akintola, and Mr Olukitibi – for the impending egúngún festival.
Mr Olukitibi was the first egúngún to dance at the market square. I can’t remember how many strokes he gave us each, but he beat us like a bata drummer hammering away at his bata in the shrine of Sàngó. When we thought it was over, Mr Adetunji stepped in and gave us just six strokes each because he was student-friendly. Then came Mr Lawal who beat us with the venom of a snake killer.
Upon sighting Mr Akintola entering the flogging arena, Akeem staggered and fainted as Nigerian politicians faint in court. A little panic rent the air but Mr Akintola motioned that Akeem should be left alone on the floor as he reached for a cane from the bundle and resurrected Akeem, who got up wriggling and shouting, “Mi o daku mo, mo ti ji!” “I’m not fainting again, I have woken up!”
Sharply, Mr Akintola turned to the rest of us – Kunle Adeyoju, Jide Oladimeji, Taliatu Mudashiru, Sunday Oshokhai, Aliu Imoru, Akin and me, asking, “Is there anyone of you who wants to faint?” “No, sir!!” Mr Akintola was handsome with his tribal marks. But his strokes were ugly. I should’ve worn a foam and some T-shirts under my uniform as usual.
That day of karma was the day I knew why Mr Ade Elvis got the name Super. Super was like a father figure; slightly big and no-nonsense. In looks and voice, if Nyesom Wike was Yoruba, Super could’ve passed for his father. Super had a little stammer which aggravated whenever he was aggravated. He enjoyed it when students hailed him as Super!
Super’s cane came with questions and answers. Before he started beating each of us, he asked in Yoruba, “Which brand did you drink? How many bottles did you drink?” He had beaten two or three of us when it got to Akinade’s turn and all hell broke loose!
When Akinade stepped forward, Super, speaking in Yoruba, roared in Wike’s voice, “What beer did you drink!?” “Gulder, sir,” Akinade shivered. G-g-ulder!?!” Super stammered. Vicious strokes rained as he continued his interrogation: “You drink G-gulder, I drink Gulder!? You drink my beer, Gulder!? I d-drink Gulder, you drink G-gulder!?”
Super flew into a rage and he took his cane and Akinade along with him, battering Akinade as he asked him how many bottles he drank, with which mouth did he drink the beer, how did it taste, was it cold or hot? He beat Akin so much that we, his co-criminals, pitied him and thanked our stars we didn’t drink Gulder.
After the festival of flogging, we were marched back into the staffroom, where Iya Ojo and Iya Esan were waiting for us. They ordered us to get under teachers’ tables and stoop down – one person per table. This particular staffroom was peopled by female teachers, most of whom were principalities and powers.
Each of us got under a table to serve our continued sentence while the female teachers got on with their work and idle talk. Death is incomparable to sleep; we were glad that stooping down presented relief, away from the egúngún teachers. We were relieved the bombardment was finally coming to an end, we thought we had triumphed over the proverbial Longe, the dangerous man with a treacherous farm. But we were wrong. Longe’s danger was inescapable.
No sooner had we settled under the tables than we entered into another pot of soup. “Get under the tables and close your eyes,” Iya Ojo ordered us, adding, “You all will serve punishment till the close of school.” If we obeyed Iya Ojo and closed our eyes, we wouldn’t enter into fresh trouble. I must confess, we opened our eyes and saw hell.
Each of us stooped down under the tables with our backs to our teachers, meaning that we, the little rascals, could see one another. Madness hadn’t taken over the fashion world when we were in school. Our teachers wore knee-length clothes and never fed their bodies to the ogling eyes of the world.
But their long skirts and dresses were not long enough to shut out our eyes from seeing panties of different materials – satin, silk and lace – worn by our teachers. “Ha!” “Iku de! Death is here!
So, each student briefly sighted the briefs of the teachers adjacent and opposite to him though not all the teachers sat in exposure. And, we got carried away! We turned what should have been a taboo sighting to ringside viewing until Mr Adetunji, who was passing by on the corridor, saw us!
He stormed into the staffroom and ordered us out. “Ah, Mr Adetunji, o ti to, it’s enough, they have got enough beaten today,” Iya Ojo and Iya Esan, along with other female teachers pleaded. But Mr Adetunji wouldn’t listen. He began with a cane and ended up using his fists like Mike Tyson. He beat us like aso òfì, Yoruba’s iconic cloth.
Unlike when we were flogged for drinking and we wailed like one-testicle fellows, as vicious as Mr Adetunji’s come-back beating was, we didn’t wail because we were afraid that if we wailed, Mr Adetunji might be pushed to spill the beans.
The female teachers begged and begged, but TD Master didn’t budge. He beat us until his watch snapped. We couldn’t cry; we could only be grateful. If he had told the teachers what we did, we would’ve been cast into a lake of fire.
We were very lucky that day because in the morning before darkness fell on us, the Vice-Principal, Mr Adeleye, had come to the staffroom to tell Iya Ojo and Iya Esan not to disclose to the principal, Pa John Olatunji Olowe, the real reason we were being punished. He said the principal would expel us for drinking and no school in Lagos was going to take us.
Sparing the rod or spanking the child: If spanking the child was as effective as its advocacy, I don’t think we would commit a much more grievous offence when we were in the jaws of death. Our rascality highlights the daredevilry that pushes people to push drugs in Saudi Arabia, China, Iran, Singapore and Kuwait, not minding their heads being cut.
Like the three-year-old boy recently assaulted at Christ-Mitots School, Ikorodu, many students have had their psyches damaged by high-handed beating and corporal punishment. While I’m not 100% anti-spanking, I seek a synergy between moral suasion and spanking.
Concluded.
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola

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VIDEO: Jonathan Breaks Silence On Guinea-Bissau’s Military Takeover

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Former President Goodluck Jonathan has broken silence following the recent military takeover in Guinea-Bissau, describing it as a conventional coup, insisting it was “maybe a ceremonial coup” given the strange manner in which it unfolded.

Jonathan, who spoke extensively in an interview with Symfoni posted on YouTube on Friday, said he felt compelled to address the media to thank Nigerians for their concern and to clarify what truly happened while he was in Bissau as head of the West African Elders Forum Election Observation Mission.

“You know, since I left office, I’ve always been scared of talking to the media,” he said. “But in this particular case, I decided to speak… first and foremost, to thank Nigerians for the show of empathy, the encouragement.”

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Gunfire erupted around key government buildings in Bissau on Wednesday, with soldiers claiming they had “total control” of the country and followed by curfew, border closures and the detention of top government and security officials.

In another development, Tribune Online reports that ousted President, Umaro Sissoco Embaló, flew to Senegal after the intervention of the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS).

READ ALSO:Why I Returned To Nigeria On Ivorian Jet — Jonathan

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Reacting to the development, Jonathan however suggested the situation defied all known patterns of a coup.

“I wouldn’t call it a coup. It was not a coup. I would just say, for want of a better word, maybe it was a ceremonial coup,” he said. “For two things: It is the president, President Embaló, who announced the coup. Later, the military men came up to address the world that they were in charge of everywhere.”

He continued, “Then Embaló had already announced the coup, which is strange. Not only announcing the coup, but Embaló, while the coup took place, was using his phone and addressing media organisations across the world that he had been arrested.”

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The former president, drawing from his experience as a Nigerian and a regional mediator, said the events were unlike anything he had seen.

“I’m a Nigerian close to 70, and I know how they keep heads of state when a coup takes place. Recently, I was a mediator in Mali, and within that period, we had a military coup. The military doesn’t take over governments, and the sitting president that they overthrew would be allowed to be addressing press conferences and announcing that he has been arrested. Why does this happen? Who is fooling whom?”

READ ALSO:Guinea-Bissau Military Takeover Is ‘Ceremonial Coup’ – Jonathan

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Meanwhile, Nigeria’s Federal Government had earlier condemned the development as “a serious threat to democracy and regional stability,” and confirmed Jonathan’s safe evacuation by a special flight alongside his delegation.

Jonathan used the interview to call on ECOWAS and the African Union to promptly announce results of the election that was underway in Guinea-Bissau before the military disrupted the process.

“They have the results because AU and ECOWAS officials were in all the regions when the results were collated. They cannot change those results. They should tally all those results and announce them. They cannot force the military out. They must announce and let the world know who won that election.”

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He stressed that the integrity of elections must be upheld in West Africa, recalling his experience overseeing Côte d’Ivoire’s contentious 2010 presidential poll.

A similar thing happened in Côte d’Ivoire when I was the Chair of the Authority of Heads of State and Government of ECOWAS,” he said. He narrated how Laurent Gbagbo and Alassane Ouattara went into a second round after neither met the 50% +1 requirement.

READ ALSO:Guinea-Bissau Coup: FG Gives Update On Ex-President Jonathan

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“In the second round, Ouattara then got more votes than Gbagbo. And Gbagbo said he was not going, that he won the election,” Jonathan recounted. “But all the observers in the international community said Ouattara won the election. And we in ECOWAS said, well, you are our colleague, but you have to go.”

According to him, his insistence on respecting the will of the people ensured a peaceful transfer of power at the time.

“I stood my ground, and Ouattara was sworn in,” he said.

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Jonathan reiterated that Guinea-Bissau’s situation was “disturbing” to anyone who believes in democracy and insisted that respecting election results remains the only path to stability in the region.

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(VIDEO) Obasanjo To Tinubu: Why Are We Negotiating With Bandits?

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Former Nigeria’s President, Olusegun Obasanjo, has berated what he described as seeming failure of the President Bola Ahmed Tinubu-led administration to wipe out bandits terrorising the country, questioning the rationale behind the government reportedly negotiating with armed groups.

The former President said this on Friday while speaking at the Plateau Unity Christmas and Praise Festival, ongoing at the Ten Commandments Prayer Altar, Dwei-Du, Jos South LGA of Plateau State.

According to him, Nigerians are at liberty to seek help from the international community if their own government fails in its core responsibility.

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He noted that despite Nigerians, across regions and religions being killed, the Nigerian government seems incapable of protecting its citizens, describing the killings as “nonsensical.”

READ ALSO:Bandits Demand N500m As Ransom To Release 13 Kaduna Locals

We are part of the world community. If our government cannot do it, we have the right to call on the international community to do for us what our government cannot do for us. If we are being killed, it is the responsibility of government to do something about it.

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“We should ask government to do what it has to do at all levels. We should ask our leaders to do what they have to do at all levels, in all walks of life,” he said.

Continuing, Obasanjo stated that the world is advanced enough for anyone to hide anywhere and go scot-free after committing a crime.

In these days of technology, there should be nobody hiding anywhere after he has committed a crime that cannot be seen with the present day satellite,” he added.

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READ ALSO:BREAKING: Bandits Abduct Teenage Boy, Six Girls From FCT Community

Recalling his time as Nigeria’s President, Obasanjo said the opportunity of drones has now made it easy for anyone to be picked out from anywhere unlike his time.

Before I left government, I knew we had the capacity to pick up anybody in Nigeria. The capacity we didn’t have then was that, after we had identified and located such a criminal, we didn’t have the capacity to pick him up without moving on land or by air. Now we have capacity with drones. You can take them out. Why are we not doing that?

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“Why are we negotiating? And after government has paid these criminals, government denies!

“We should appeal to our government to do what needs to be done to stop Nigerians being killed.

“We are tired of being killed, and we want the killing of Nigerians, whether they are Christians or Muslims or pagans, they are Nigerians, and the life of every Nigerian matters. It should stop,” he stressed.

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Why I Returned To Nigeria On Ivorian Jet — Jonathan

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Jonathan has explained why he returned to Nigeria aboard an Ivorian aircraft following the recent political unrest in Guinea-Bissau, saying President Bola Tinubu had also prepared to dispatch a jet before Côte d’Ivoire secured an earlier landing permit.

Jonathan, who was in the country as head of the West African Elders Forum Election Observation Mission, spoke in an interview with Symfoni posted on YouTube on Friday, his first public comment since gunfire erupted around key government institutions in Bissau, prompting reports of a possible coup.

He said he felt compelled to speak “to thank Nigerians for the show of empathy and encouragement” after the incident, noting that he was aware of the national anxiety that followed the reports.

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“While we were in Bissau and this so-called coup happened, the information we got was that the whole country was agitated, young and old, irrespective of religious or political divides,” he said.

READ ALSO:Guinea-Bissau Coup: FG Gives Update On Ex-President Jonathan

According to him, both President Tinubu and Côte d’Ivoire’s President Alassane Ouattara made arrangements to evacuate him and his delegation from Bissau.

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However, the Ivorian team secured landing clearance first due to what he described as stronger regional links.

And I sincerely appreciate Nigerians, and I want them to hear directly from my mouth to appreciate their concern. And secondly, to thank my president, President Tinubu, and the Ivorian president, President Ouattara.

“Both presidents were to send aircraft to lift us, but somehow you know Côte d’Ivoire is closer to Guinea-Bissau, and there’s always some relationship between the Francophone countries and the Lusophones, who are among the Francophones.

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READ ALSO:Guinea-Bissau Coup: FG Gives Update On Ex-President Jonathan

“They were able to penetrate their system to get a a landing permit before Nigeria could do that. So the Ivorian aircraft was already on its way to pick us up,” he said.

He explained that Côte d’Ivoire’s aircraft was already en route when he was informed that the Nigerian jet had received approval to depart.

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“So when we learnt that the Nigerian aircraft were about leaving, we asked them not to bother. That is why, if you see the pictures, I was brought by an Ivorian aircraft,” he said.

Jonathan thanked the two West African leaders “and indeed Nigerians, young and old” for their concern during the episode.

“So we thank the two presidents, President Wachara and President Tinubu, and indeed thank Nigerians, young and old, for that,” he said.

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