By Suyi Ayodele

It is not enough to suspend that minister who (attempted) to post half a billion naira public funds into a private account. Sacking her won’t even be enough. Put another person in that ministry, you will get the same result. The thing to do is to stop the bleeding by scrapping the ministry and its associated tributaries. They are a scam, designed to be so. I am a good student of the 18th century poet, Alexander Pope. In one of his ‘beatitudes’, the poet pens: “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” This is exactly my attitude to the statement by the Minister of Information and National Orientation, Mohammed Idris, that President Bola Ahmed Tinubu would take appropriate action “to ensure that any breaches and infractions are identified and decisively punished, in line with the administration’s commitment to public accountability and due process”, in the corruption-infested Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation. Rather than wonder when President Tinubu began to wear the garments of “public accountability and due process”, I would rather ask, like the people of yore asked their deity that could not save them from disasters, that this government scraps the scams known as the National Social Investment Programme Agency (NSIPA), and the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation. If the deity cannot help us, it should leave us the way it met us (oosa boo le gbe mi, fi mi sile b’ose ba mi).

My biggest ‘New Year Resolution’ for the year 2024 is to answer the name Falana; and pay more attention to my personal issues. But, like the elders of my place would say: omo buruku o ni je ka gbagbe oro ana – a bad child will always remind one of a better forgotten past. Honestly, the year is far too young for me to break my ‘New Year Resolution’. We are just in the second week of the year. Even at that, the bad children that dominate our political landscape are at it again. They have taken us back to the avant-garde Orwellian year, 1984, where everything is the opposite. Nigeria has become a huge crime scene, especially with the rudderless leadership of more than a quarter of a century the nation has had. The Nigerian masses have been turned to the proverbial pitiable and helpless woman, who is at the mercy of a serial rapist with the biggest of phalluses, ever. When gripped and devoured by the merciless rapist, the best the female victim could do is to groan and grunt. To worsen the situation, there appears to be no help or helper in sight.

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The last four days have been very interesting. Our new husband in Abuja and his gang of serial economic rapists have shown that no matter how thoroughly a housewife washes the local ebolo vegetable, the aroma it produces after it is cooked is that of the bush. Nothing has changed, nothing is changing, and nothing will ever change. It is going to be business as usual; it may even be worse than we experienced under the self-acclaimed Mai Gaskiya (the honest one), General Muhammadu Buhari, whose eight-year leadership of the country, promoted corruption to its very zenith. Those who are disappointed with the current happening in Abuja, as it relates to the novel move by Dr Betta Edu, the Minister of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, to move the sum of N585, 198, 5000, to a private account of a member of staff of the ministry, Bridget Oniyelu, are the very people who invested their hope, trust and confidence in the ability of the present men of power to chart a new direction for the nation. And, in all honesty, I must give kudos to the new set of “wailing wailers”, for having the courage to speak out in loud groaning, the pains the President Bola Ahmed Tinubu government is inflicting on the people. For those of us who, right from day one, came to the conclusion that omo ejo, ejo ni – a snakelet is also a snake -, we don’t have to beat our chest and ask: “did we not warn you?” The agony in the land is like the rain. The rain spares nobody. Again, the Scripture is also complete. When the unrighteous suffer, the righteous too are not spared. Could that be what our forebears described as what affects the eyes equally affects the nose – ohun to ba oju, ti ba imu?

Everything about Nigeria is always in the opposite direction of the happenings in the sane countries of the world. Like the George Orwell’s 1984, the Nigerian Ministry of Information does nothing but misinform the people. Our Justice Ministry and its departments dispel injustices in full measures, just as the ministry and agencies saddled with the responsibilities of alleviating and eradicating poverty in our land engage in activities that will only promote and sustain the same maladies they are established to cure. The Humanitarian Ministry in the last eight and a half years has become the most inhuman government department. It is a ministry that steals from the invalid and robs the dead! Everywhere we turn to for help, the rain keeps beating us; drenching us down to our inner ibante (pant). When my people from Ijeshaland are asked to sum up our situation, they have only one exclamation: eshio, ka bi a tia bere – where do we start from!

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Why do we have the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation in the first instance? The ministry was established by the same elite class which has weaponised poverty as an art, to hoodwink the people into believing that they actually care. Anyone can argue this: there has been nothing shoved down our throats by the rogues in power in the name of social welfare that is not a scam. Not just a scam, but a big one! It is only in our clime that the government shares money to “the vulnerable” without any data of who the beneficiaries are. In the first instance, how does a nation which has not been able to put an accurate figure to its population, and without any demographic boundary, arrive at the number of those below the poverty level? What parameters is the government using to determine who is entitled to its social welfare packages? Where are the records? Till the second coming of the Saviour, Nigerians will never get to know how many school children were fed during the 2020 COVID-19 lockdown, and how much was expended on the misadventure, nor would they ever guess right, the actual amount of money given out as tradermoni in the last regime! What about palliative materials? How many beneficiaries can you identify in your neighbourhoods? Even in response to emergency situations like ameliorating the pains of victims of natural disasters like rainstorms, has our government ever given us an account of how much it spent and what is remaining on the balance sheet?

This is why I refuse to join the fray in castigating Dr Betta Edu in her recent request to the Accountant General of the Federation (AGF), for the sum of N585, 198,5000 to be paid into Bridget Oniyelu’s account for disbursement to “vulnerable Nigerians”. While my unwillingness to join the fray is not because I approve of her conduct, I restrained myself because I know that Nigerians are only talking because someone somewhere decided to “leak” the request memo. Have we asked how many of such memos had been written and approved before that of Edu became a public issue? How many of such memos is this administration still going to approve because the government has learnt its lessons now, and would always ensure that such a sickness does not affect another child under its watch again? When President Tinubu won the February 2023 general election, many of his supporters assured us that we should wait for him to unveil the “technocrats” that he would appoint into his cabinet. Can any of those supporters point out an individual in the Tinubu cabinet who appears to have a faint idea of what he or she is doing in the ministry assigned to him/her? Who is the technocrat in this government that has appeared to have the basic aptitude for the jobs assigned to him? Which technocrat would request that more than half a billion naira be paid into an individual’s account for a government project, when the same ministry has numerous bank accounts? Who does that?

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And while pondering on that, what has been the response of the appointing authority, President Tinubu, to the scandal? Oh yes; he directed a probe of the ministry! How do you probe a minister and her ministry when the same minister is still in her office directing affairs? Who, among the members of staff of the ministry, would have the effrontery to appear before the ‘probe panel’ to testify against a sitting minister? What should come first, if not the immediate suspension of the affected minister so that the paddy-paddy panel can have a semblance of objectivity and freedom in the discharge of its assignment? So, why should we bother ourselves as a people when we already know that the pregnancy of the panel asked to do “a thorough and comprehensive investigation” would only result in stillbirth? How do we even expect a hen to eat the entrails of another hen? What happens to class solidarity? Is the president ordering “a thorough and comprehensive investigation” aware that Dr Edu has never denied ever raising the scandalous memo? What else does the president want? Belatedly, President Tinubu, has announced the suspension of Minister Edu. Shall we then clap for the president for putting the cart before the horse! Would he have taken that afterthought decision if there were no public outcry?

The very day I gave up hope on our redemption from the hands of the locusts in our national field was the very day the All Progressives Congress (APC), came to power in 2015. It would have been better if in chasing away the ruinous People’s Democratic Party (PDP) from power, Nigerians did not hand over to the worst of humanity, who populated the APC! With the APC in power, and its victory in 2019 and the retention of power in 2023, decency took flight in Nigeria. Don’t forgive my pessimism here. But I say this without qualms: for as long as the APC retains the leadership ladder at the centre, Nigeria can kiss opposition politics good bye! Where is the PDP in the scheme of things now? Where is the man who lost the centre power to the APC in 2015, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ)? What efforts has he made to help the party out of its present coma? What about the ‘OBIdients’? Were the lawmakers elected under the banner of the ‘redemption party’ not part of the shenanigan of N160 million Sports Utility Vehicles (SUVs), as official vehicles for federal legislators? Who is asking this government questions? Who is holding it accountable? If the current Minister of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Nyesom Wike, can serve in an APC government, what is remaining of the opposition?

I read the PDP’s response to Edu’s scandal and I laughed. What a party-in-opposition? Can we just imagine if Alhaji Lai Mohammed were to lead the opposition in a situation like this! The PDP in its statement as endorsed by Debo Ologunagba, its National Publicity Secretary, on the N5.8 billion scandal, said, among other things that the earlier N44.8 billion scandal in NSIPA, and the N585,198,500 in the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation “is just a tip of the iceberg in the unprecedented treasury looting, unbridled stealing and plundering of resources going on in the President Bola Tinubu-led All Progressives Congress (APC) administration”. Then it followed up with the usual plodding demand of “immediate sack and prosecution” of the minister concerned! Nothing more! You may wish to ask if that was how APC acted while in opposition such that GEJ and his party were retired from Aso Rock? The bitter truth this government needs to know is that Nigerians can do better than the Bettas of this administration and its poverty escalation policies! From what we can now see, it is better life for Betta Edu and her ilks at the expense of the so-called ‘vulnerable Nigerians’