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OPINION: Abacha Protests In Heaven, Begs To Return

Tunde Odesola
With his flaming sword, Angel Michael fled towards Heaven’s Gate – from the Gate of Paradise, where he was stationed. The angel had got wind of an untoward noise at Heaven’s Gate located far outside Paradise. As he spread his wings and rode the clouds en route to Heaven’s Gate, he thought about the strange noise. He couldn’t hazard a guess for the unprecedented noise but he sped towards it, all the same, because he needed to see things for himself – as the Captain of the heavenly hosts. All the 12 gates of heaven are under his charge.
The archangel screeched to a halt as he came in sight of Heaven’s Gate, also known as the Pearly Gates. There it was, smack in front of the Gate, a chariot made of hard currencies – pounds, euros, dollars, yuan, yen, cryptocurrency, but no naira. The chariot was also loaded to the brim with the rarest gemstones such that its lone occupant only sat on one side of his buttocks.
Angel Michael was livid with rage. “What won’t these lousy creatures called humans do?” he muttered, wondering, “Does this one think he can bribe his way into Paradise?” Angel Michael was quick to anger; he unsheathed his flaming sword, and aimed a swing at the neck of the occupant, who leapt out like a cat on hot stones, shouting, “Haba Allah! Haba Allah! Haba Allah!”
The occupant landed on the floor, rattling the chariot and spilling some gems that dazzled blindingly. He remained on the floor for a few seconds, panting, blinking, sucking air into his lungs. When he straightened himself up, he was not up to five feet. On his head was a green helmet. Jackboots encased his feet. He had a pistol in the holster of his military uniform. The nametag on his military uniform read Sanni Abacha.
Sanni Abacha: (Still shaking) Angel Michael, I do not mean to assault the sensibilities of Heaven with my showiness. I’m constrained to carry these earthly acquisitions with me everywhere because the ones I sent earlier to Nigeria were all embezzled. As the father of Nigeria, who art in heaven, I send millions of hard currencies to my people from time to time, knowing full well the economic hardship they face. But as it was in the beginning, so as the looting continued and probably will be so forevermore.
Angel Michael: You don’t belong here! You know where you should be; why did you come along this way!?
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Sanni Abacha: I came to protest, sir!
Angel Michael: Protest?
Sanni Abacha: Yes, protest, sir! I came to protest why my days were not long on earth. I came to protest why other commanders-in-thief are not vehemently criticised for corruption. Why me? Why only me? If I didn’t die, would Nigeria criticise me? Is my predecessor, Ibrahim Babangida, not enjoying in Nigeria despite all the atrocities he committed? What about my successors, are any of them a saint? If I was alive, I would’ve been deified, not demonised. I would’ve been attending the Council of State meetings. I surely would’ve emerged as civilian President. My son would’ve emerged as Kano governor. My wife would’ve been in the Senate. My daughters would’ve lived inside the presidential jets. I would’ve been the Jagaban.
Angel Michael: You’re polluting the sacredness of this realm, Son of Adam Now, go back to the special lake prepared for you.
Sanni Abacha: Two things before I go, Holy Michael. Why kill me and leave other commanders-in-thief? We are all the same…
Angel Michael: (Cuts in) I have no control over how many days you spend on earth. That belongs to the Creator. But I know your days on earth were spent in blind acquisition of wealth and bloodshed – and that quickened your recall.
Sanni Abacha: That’s what I’m saying! Stereotype! Name-calling! Victimisation! I just don’t understand the grand conspiracy against me! I don’t know why I’m being singled out. Angel Michael, sir, you have the power to view the local and foreign bank accounts of living Nigerian leaders in a jiffy; can you do so, Angel Michael? Please, do so and let’s see.
Angel Michael: Wait, let me see.
Sanni Abacha: Thank you, Holy Angel. Check every leader’s accounts, local, foreign, hidden vaults, girlfriends’ and concubines’ accounts, and children’s accounts. Please, search everyone’s accounts – governors, ministers, senators, reps, house of assembly, council chairmen, everyone.
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Angel Michael: (Wipes his face with his palms as he views a large screen invisible to Abacha)
Sanni Abacha: You wipe your face with your palms, Angel Michael? Do you see what I’m saying? What I stole isn’t up to what others have stolen. Nigeria is a whale washed ashore, a few men in power cannot exhaust it. Mark you, sir, there are many more whales in the Nigerian ocean.
Angel Michael: (Continues to view the figures on his screen) I think I need a pair of glasses!
Sanni Abacha: You see! You see! It’s only Abacha that stole!! Abacha’s the only rogue!
Angel Michael: What about the killings and repressions you carried out?
Sanni Abacha: How many people did I kill compared to the number of people sent to their early graves as a result of terrorism, kidnapping, banditry, road accidents, ill-equipped hospitals, depression – all occasioned by corruption? Who has killed more? Nigeria had adequate security in my time. I controlled inflation. I died at 54 years of age, they have been ruling Nigeria forever. I increased Nigeria’s foreign exchange reserves from $494 million in 1993 to $9.6 billion in 1997. I reduced Nigeria’s external debt from $36 billion to $27 billion. I reduced the 54% inflation rate I inherited to 8.5% with oil selling for $15 per barrel on the average. I never travelled abroad.
Angel Michael: This is not a campaign ground, little man!
Sanni Abacha: I’m not campaigning, Captain of Heaven’s Army.
Angel Michael: So, keep quiet while I check more accounts and properties… (More lines appear on the angel’s forehead. He spiritually produces a pair of glasses and a large towel to wipe his face.)
Sanni Abacha: (Talking silently to himself) Nigeria kwaruption don wear glasses for Angel Michael. People complain about my wife and son; see what the wives and children of my colleagues are doing today? Nigerians scorn me when they should crown me. Death is not fair to me. In ba mutuwa bane, ba wanda zai fi ni mutunci a kasan na.
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Angel Michael: Check completed.
Sanni Abacha: (Excited) Yes, what did you see, Holy One?
Angel Michael: This is not VAR. No human eye can see the result on this screen.
Sanni Abacha: Please, tell me your findings.
Angel Michael: No!
Sanni Abacha: Is there no democracy in heaven? No fairness? No freedom of information?
Angel Michael: See who’s talking about democracy, fairness and freedom of information? What did you and Babangida do to June 12? Did you not kill Ken Saro-Wiwa and other Ogoni leaders? Did you not kill Kudirat Abiola? What did you do to Pa Alfred Rewane? Baba Abraham Adesanya? Journalists, activists and labour leaders?
Sanni Abacha: Angel Michael, is it not written that God appoints? The people you mentioned did not want to give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. So, they had to be taken care of by Sergeant Rogers.
Angel Michael: Just as you were taken care of. I’ll forward my findings to the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He’s the One to determine what to do with those troubling and looting Nigeria.
Sanni Abacha: Send me back to Nigeria, I plead; I’ll fix Nigeria in four years, no second term.
Angel Michael: It’s appointed for man to die once, and after death comes judgment. Like Pharaoh, you shut your mind to reason. Your judgment is nigh.
Sanni Abacha: Babangida shunned appearing before the Oputa panel. Nothing happened. Obasanjo was a coward who couldn’t bring Babangida to justice for eight years. Yet, Obasanjo would describe himself as an anti-corruption champion. How many millions of dollars went down the drain of power supply during Obasanjo’s time? What about his privatisation policy? He shows off with the EFCC. EFCC my foot!
Angel Michael: Time to return to your lake, little man.
Sanni Abacha: Let me finish, Holy Angel. President Goodluck Jonathan closed his eyes to the atrocities of those before him. While campaigning, President Muhammadu Buhari described Jonathan as a thief but when he assumed power, Jonathan became an angel. President Bola Tinubu is trying former CBN governor, Godwin Emefiele, who was doing the bidding of Buhari, the most inept President in the history of mankind. Buhari is free, but Emefiele is not. Nigeria needs me now, Angel Michael, please, let me go back. No nation grows with selective justice.
Angel Michael: Yes, you must go back to your lake right now! Others are coming to join you soon. Go, I command!
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
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News
FULL LIST: FG Shuts 41 Unity Schools Over Insecurity

The Federal Government on Friday ordered the temporary closure of 41 unity schools over the rising cases of abduction across the country.
The decision was announced in a circular issued by the Director of Senior Secondary Education at the Federal Ministry of Education, Binta Abdulkadir.
“Sequel to the recent security challenges in some parts of the country and the need to prevent any security breaches, the Honourable Minister of Education has approved the immediate closure of the listed Federal Unity Colleges.
“Principals of the affected colleges are to ensure strict compliance. Please accept the warm regards of the Honourable Minister,” the circular read.
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The affected schools are FGGC Minjibir; FGA Suleja; FTC Ganduje; FGGC Zaria; FTC Kafancha; FGGC Bakori; FTC Dayi; FGC Daura; FGGC Tambuwal; FSC Sokoto; FTC Wurno; FGC Gusau; FGC Anka; FGGC Gwandu; FGC Birnin Yauri; FTC Zuru; FGGC Kazaure; FGC Kiyawa; FTC Hadejia; FGGC Bida; FGC New Bussa; and FTC Kuta-Shiroro.
Others are FGC Ilorin; FGGC Omu-Aran; FTC Gwanara; FGC Ugwolawo; FGGC Kabba; FTC Ogugu; FGGC Bwari; FGC Rubochi; FGGC Abaji; FGGC Potiskum; FGC Buni Yadi; FTC Gashau; FTC Michika; FGC Ganye; FGC Azare; FTC Misau; FGGC Bajoga; FGC Billiri; and FTC Zambuk.
Recall that some students from St. Mary’s School in Papiri, Agwara Local Government Area of Niger State, were kidnapped by terrorists.
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The incident comes just days after a similar attack in Maga, Kebbi State, where 25 students were kidnapped, heightening concerns over the deteriorating security situation in educational institutions across the region.
On Thursday, over 50 schools were shut down in Kwara State following attacks by bandits.
President Bola Tinubu had also cancelled his scheduled trips to South Africa and Angola to coordinate the government’s response to the worsening insecurity.
News
Why FG Hasn’t Prosecuted Terrorism Financiers – Minister

The Minister of Information and National Orientation, Mohammed Idris, says the Federal Government has not prosecuted individuals suspected of financing terrorism because the process requires extensive and delicate investigations that cannot be rushed.
Speaking on Channels Television’s Politics Today on Friday, Idris explained that contrary to public perception, the matter was not as simple as having a list and immediately taking suspects to court.
The minister’s statement came against the backdrop of growing concerns over alleged government complicity in the escalating insecurity ravaging the country.
Successive governments have faced public pressure to identify and prosecute individuals suspected of financing terrorism, particularly Boko Haram, ISWAP, and bandit groups operating in the North.
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Under former President Muhammadu Buhari, officials disclosed that some suspected financiers had been identified, raising expectations that trials would soon follow.
However, no high-profile prosecution has taken place, fuelling criticism from civil society groups and security analysts who argue that the delays strengthen public distrust in government efforts against insecurity.
Addressing the matter, Idris said, “It is not a question of having the list or not having the list; it is not as simplistic as that. Investigations have to be conducted. In some cases, there are merits in what they said.
“You don’t say, ‘because pronouncements have been made, let me take you to court directly.’ There must be sufficient investigation carried out.
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“Unfortunately, when you are fighting these kinds of battles, it is not something that you just sort out within a day or two. That is why, all the time, we are calling on our partners within and outside this country to understand the complexity and diversity of the situation we have here.”
The minister maintained that President Bola Tinubu’s administration was “working assiduously” to end terrorism and other security threats.
He noted that significant progress had been made since May 2023, adding that many Nigerians were inclined to overlook the gains.
“Sometimes we forget the successes we have recorded in the fight against bandits, criminals, and some of these jihadists. From May 2023 to date, over 13,500 of these criminals have been neutralised and taken off our society.
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“Over 17,000 of them have been apprehended. Even as we speak, some of them are having their day in court, and some have been sentenced. I think we should recognise these efforts.”
On the delayed appointment of ambassadors, the minister said President Tinubu was already finalising the list, adding that the nominees were undergoing security vetting.
The minister also confirmed ongoing diplomatic engagements between Nigeria, the United States, and other countries, explaining that misunderstandings about Nigeria’s security challenges were being clarified.
“We agree that ambassadors should be there (US), and the President has agreed that he is going to release this list. As I speak with you, the President is finalising it. They have passed them to security agencies for checks. I can tell you that ambassadors are going to be appointed pretty soon.
“There is diplomatic engagement happening between Nigeria and the United States and other countries. What we feel is that there is no proper understanding of what the situation is about.
“This is the message we are taking to them. We are open to any kind of cooperation—regional, international, American or anybody who wants to see that there is an end to this crisis in Nigeria.”
News
Why Niger Delta Suffers Most — Jonathan

Former President Goodluck Jonathan has blamed the underdevelopment of the Niger Delta on weak political will and the personal ambition of some political office holders.
Jonathan, who spoke in Abuja on Friday at the launch of The Hidden Treasures, a 202-page book written by former Delta State governorship aspirant Chris Iyovwaye, stated that political rivalry and the scramble for power have repeatedly stalled progress in the region.
This was echoed by ex-presidential candidate of the Social Democratic Party, Adewole Adebayo, and former Minister of Information, Prof Jerry Gana, who also highlighted the failure to act on long-standing regional plans as a challenge to the region’s development.
Jonathan, who chaired the event, was represented by his Chief of Staff, Mike Oghiadomhe.
In his address, the former president recalled several abandoned regional economic initiatives that could have boosted the Niger Delta’s growth.
He also traced past attempts to coordinate South-South governors and federal lawmakers on regional development, noting that personal ambition often overshadowed collective interest.
The former president said, “A lot has been said in the past and even now. But when you don’t bring action to it, it will remain a potential. Deep inside here, we can have tonnes of gold, diamonds, and uranium. But it will remain zero until they are mined and brought out.
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This book corroborates what we have heard.
“In the past, when I was a deputy governor between 1999 and 2007, we had this same great commission. We used to have meetings of South-South governors. At one point, it was enlarged to include members of the National Assembly, and initiatives were held from state to state.
“But action could not be taken because of competition for power and control of that commission. At one point, everybody in the Niger Delta wanted to be the vice president to an unknown president.
“That was because Obasanjo was president from the South, and the next president was going to come from the North. But nobody knew who he would be. So, everybody started scrambling to become the vice president to whoever was coming.”
Expressing hope in the new revival of the South-South governors’ commission, he warned that only “practical action” backed by political will can rescue the region’s growth prospects.
“Our advice on this occasion is to send a message to them that there is a need for action. And it has to be in practical terms, not just saying it without showing the right political will. They should move further to create the vehicle that will detail the investment opportunities, save up, and market them across the region.
“The Niger Delta is supposed to be the economic hub of this country, with the potential to build the biggest seaport in Nigeria. From the Niger Delta, you can reach every part of the country, particularly the Middle Belt and the North. There is a need to harness our resources at this point in time for proper and physical development.”
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Adebayo, in his remarks, described the Niger Delta as a vast, mismanaged economic paradise.
According to him, the region is too richly endowed for its citizens to remain poor.
“If there is no Niger Delta, there is no Nigeria. To some, every treasure is hidden because the person is blind. It is believed that some of the treasures in the region are hidden because we have had blind leadership over time.
“In truth, every part of the Niger Delta is brimming with human, material, liquid, and solid resources. So, if you are from the Niger Delta, it will be an oxymoron to say you are poor. It is impossible to be poor in that paradise.
“I come from a family that has 100 years of experience in making fortunes out of the Niger Delta. Most of my uncles and aunties were born there and served in great capacities. That is why we are always grateful to the Niger Delta.
“I also personally went to the region and found my own fortune. That’s because I married my wife from the Niger Delta, and my life has turned for the better since then.”
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He added that the region’s wealth “is 18 times more than all the productivity of the United States from 1776 to date,” urging a return to responsible and visionary leadership.
“The author and others like him are sent to us like prophets in our time to remind us that a leadership or generation consumed by appropriating surface wealth, farming out the country’s resources to foreign enterprises, and collecting rent to make big men out of themselves is not the shepherd God sent to this land. This generation will have to turn away from that,” he said.
Gana, who as Information Minister in 1999 conceptualized the Niger Delta Development Commission, said the commission had fallen far short of its founding vision.
“During Obasanjo’s administration in 1999, I was mandated to organize a seminar on the Niger Delta at the ECOWAS Secretariat. It was a very well-attended event that was chaired by the former president of Tanzania, Julius Nyerere.
“He came in person, and papers were brilliantly presented on how we need to proceed with developing the Niger Delta. And we proposed the creation of a Niger Delta Development Commission as a platform to provide important infrastructure.”
But he lamented that the commission has not justified its mandate.
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“I must confess that despite the tremendous hope that the meeting generated, I have not been personally impressed by the results of the commission, especially when I see them building primary schools and other minor projects.
“This vision was to transform the Niger Delta into one of the most beautiful places in Nigeria, with excellent infrastructure.”
He urged current managers of the commission to “arise and do something great for the people of the Niger Delta region.”
The Niger Delta, Nigeria’s main oil-producing region, has faced decades of environmental degradation, unemployment, poverty, and infrastructural neglect despite contributing the bulk of the nation’s revenue. Oil spills, gas flaring, and weak regulatory enforcement have devastated livelihoods, while recurring conflict over resource control has deepened instability.
The commission was established in 2000 to drive large-scale infrastructural transformation and address developmental gaps, but it has been plagued by allegations of mismanagement, abandoned projects, corruption, and political interference.
Multiple presidential audits have cited poor project delivery, weak accountability structures, and diversion of funds—leaving the region’s core problems largely unresolved.
(PUNCH)
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