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OPINION: Abacha Protests In Heaven, Begs To Return

Published

4 months ago

December 29, 2023

Editor

Tunde Odesola

With his flaming sword, Angel Michael fled towards Heaven’s Gate – from the Gate of Paradise, where he was stationed. The angel had got wind of an untoward noise at Heaven’s Gate located far outside Paradise. As he spread his wings and rode the clouds en route to Heaven’s Gate, he thought about the strange noise. He couldn’t hazard a guess for the unprecedented noise but he sped towards it, all the same, because he needed to see things for himself – as the Captain of the heavenly hosts. All the 12 gates of heaven are under his charge.

The archangel screeched to a halt as he came in sight of Heaven’s Gate, also known as the Pearly Gates. There it was, smack in front of the Gate, a chariot made of hard currencies – pounds, euros, dollars, yuan, yen, cryptocurrency, but no naira. The chariot was also loaded to the brim with the rarest gemstones such that its lone occupant only sat on one side of his buttocks.

Angel Michael was livid with rage. “What won’t these lousy creatures called humans do?” he muttered, wondering, “Does this one think he can bribe his way into Paradise?” Angel Michael was quick to anger; he unsheathed his flaming sword, and aimed a swing at the neck of the occupant, who leapt out like a cat on hot stones, shouting, “Haba Allah! Haba Allah! Haba Allah!”

The occupant landed on the floor, rattling the chariot and spilling some gems that dazzled blindingly. He remained on the floor for a few seconds, panting, blinking, sucking air into his lungs. When he straightened himself up, he was not up to five feet. On his head was a green helmet. Jackboots encased his feet. He had a pistol in the holster of his military uniform. The nametag on his military uniform read Sanni Abacha.

Sanni Abacha: (Still shaking) Angel Michael, I do not mean to assault the sensibilities of Heaven with my showiness. I’m constrained to carry these earthly acquisitions with me everywhere because the ones I sent earlier to Nigeria were all embezzled. As the father of Nigeria, who art in heaven, I send millions of hard currencies to my people from time to time, knowing full well the economic hardship they face. But as it was in the beginning, so as the looting continued and probably will be so forevermore.

Angel Michael: You don’t belong here! You know where you should be; why did you come along this way!?

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Sanni Abacha: I came to protest, sir!

Angel Michael: Protest?

Sanni Abacha: Yes, protest, sir! I came to protest why my days were not long on earth. I came to protest why other commanders-in-thief are not vehemently criticised for corruption. Why me? Why only me? If I didn’t die, would Nigeria criticise me? Is my predecessor, Ibrahim Babangida, not enjoying in Nigeria despite all the atrocities he committed? What about my successors, are any of them a saint? If I was alive, I would’ve been deified, not demonised. I would’ve been attending the Council of State meetings. I surely would’ve emerged as civilian President. My son would’ve emerged as Kano governor. My wife would’ve been in the Senate. My daughters would’ve lived inside the presidential jets. I would’ve been the Jagaban.

Angel Michael: You’re polluting the sacredness of this realm, Son of Adam Now, go back to the special lake prepared for you.

Sanni Abacha: Two things before I go, Holy Michael. Why kill me and leave other commanders-in-thief? We are all the same…

Angel Michael: (Cuts in) I have no control over how many days you spend on earth. That belongs to the Creator. But I know your days on earth were spent in blind acquisition of wealth and bloodshed – and that quickened your recall.

Sanni Abacha: That’s what I’m saying! Stereotype! Name-calling! Victimisation! I just don’t understand the grand conspiracy against me! I don’t know why I’m being singled out. Angel Michael, sir, you have the power to view the local and foreign bank accounts of living Nigerian leaders in a jiffy; can you do so, Angel Michael? Please, do so and let’s see.

Angel Michael: Wait, let me see.

Sanni Abacha: Thank you, Holy Angel. Check every leader’s accounts, local, foreign, hidden vaults, girlfriends’ and concubines’ accounts, and children’s accounts. Please, search everyone’s accounts – governors, ministers, senators, reps, house of assembly, council chairmen, everyone.

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Angel Michael: (Wipes his face with his palms as he views a large screen invisible to Abacha)

Sanni Abacha: You wipe your face with your palms, Angel Michael? Do you see what I’m saying? What I stole isn’t up to what others have stolen. Nigeria is a whale washed ashore, a few men in power cannot exhaust it. Mark you, sir, there are many more whales in the Nigerian ocean.

Angel Michael: (Continues to view the figures on his screen) I think I need a pair of glasses!

Sanni Abacha: You see! You see! It’s only Abacha that stole!! Abacha’s the only rogue!

Angel Michael: What about the killings and repressions you carried out?

Sanni Abacha: How many people did I kill compared to the number of people sent to their early graves as a result of terrorism, kidnapping, banditry, road accidents, ill-equipped hospitals, depression – all occasioned by corruption? Who has killed more? Nigeria had adequate security in my time. I controlled inflation. I died at 54 years of age, they have been ruling Nigeria forever. I increased Nigeria’s foreign exchange reserves from $494 million in 1993 to $9.6 billion in 1997. I reduced Nigeria’s external debt from $36 billion to $27 billion. I reduced the 54% inflation rate I inherited to 8.5% with oil selling for $15 per barrel on the average. I never travelled abroad.

Angel Michael: This is not a campaign ground, little man!

Sanni Abacha: I’m not campaigning, Captain of Heaven’s Army.

Angel Michael: So, keep quiet while I check more accounts and properties… (More lines appear on the angel’s forehead. He spiritually produces a pair of glasses and a large towel to wipe his face.)

Sanni Abacha: (Talking silently to himself) Nigeria kwaruption don wear glasses for Angel Michael. People complain about my wife and son; see what the wives and children of my colleagues are doing today? Nigerians scorn me when they should crown me. Death is not fair to me. In ba mutuwa bane, ba wanda zai fi ni mutunci a kasan na.

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Angel Michael: Check completed.

Sanni Abacha: (Excited) Yes, what did you see, Holy One?

Angel Michael: This is not VAR. No human eye can see the result on this screen.

Sanni Abacha: Please, tell me your findings.

Angel Michael: No!

Sanni Abacha: Is there no democracy in heaven? No fairness? No freedom of information?

Angel Michael: See who’s talking about democracy, fairness and freedom of information? What did you and Babangida do to June 12? Did you not kill Ken Saro-Wiwa and other Ogoni leaders? Did you not kill Kudirat Abiola? What did you do to Pa Alfred Rewane? Baba Abraham Adesanya? Journalists, activists and labour leaders?

Sanni Abacha: Angel Michael, is it not written that God appoints? The people you mentioned did not want to give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. So, they had to be taken care of by Sergeant Rogers.

Angel Michael: Just as you were taken care of. I’ll forward my findings to the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He’s the One to determine what to do with those troubling and looting Nigeria.

Sanni Abacha: Send me back to Nigeria, I plead; I’ll fix Nigeria in four years, no second term.

Angel Michael: It’s appointed for man to die once, and after death comes judgment. Like Pharaoh, you shut your mind to reason. Your judgment is nigh.

Sanni Abacha: Babangida shunned appearing before the Oputa panel. Nothing happened. Obasanjo was a coward who couldn’t bring Babangida to justice for eight years. Yet, Obasanjo would describe himself as an anti-corruption champion. How many millions of dollars went down the drain of power supply during Obasanjo’s time? What about his privatisation policy? He shows off with the EFCC. EFCC my foot!

Angel Michael: Time to return to your lake, little man.

Sanni Abacha: Let me finish, Holy Angel. President Goodluck Jonathan closed his eyes to the atrocities of those before him. While campaigning, President Muhammadu Buhari described Jonathan as a thief but when he assumed power, Jonathan became an angel. President Bola Tinubu is trying former CBN governor, Godwin Emefiele, who was doing the bidding of Buhari, the most inept President in the history of mankind. Buhari is free, but Emefiele is not. Nigeria needs me now, Angel Michael, please, let me go back. No nation grows with selective justice.

Angel Michael: Yes, you must go back to your lake right now! Others are coming to join you soon. Go, I command!

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

News

NLC, TUC Give NERC Deadline To Reverse Hike In Electricity Tariff

Published

51 mins ago

May 7, 2024

Editor

Nigeria Labour Congress and its Trade Union Congress of Nigeria counterpart have given the Nigerian Electricity Regulatory Commission till May 12 to withdraw the recent hike in electricity tariff or face unprecedented industrial action.

The ultimatum was issued in a joint letter to the Chairman/Chief Executive Officer, CEO, dated May 3, 2024, and copied to the Secretary to the Government of the Federation, SGF, the Ministers of Labour and Power and the electricity distribution companies, DisCos, among others, Joe Ajaero and Festus Osifo, President of NLC and its TUC’s counterpart.

The letter read, “This is to refer you to our May Day address where we expressed grave concerns regarding the recent announcement of an astronomical hike in electricity tariff across the nation from N65/kWh to N225/Kwh by your commission.

“We believe that this decision is not just morally reprehensible considering the difficulties Nigerians are faced with currently, but it blatantly disregards fundamental principles and statutory obligations.

“It is a slap in the face of justice and fairness, and we will not stand idly by as the masses and workers are subjected to such unacceptable exploitation.

“As the regulator of the electricity sector, it is imperative that your commission grasps the weight of its responsibilities. NERC’s role entails the regulation of electricity tariffs in the country, a duty outlined in explicit detail within the statutes governing the commission.

“Yet, with this recent tariff hike, which you have consented to, it is evident that the Commission has forsaken its duty and abandoned the people it was meant to protect to the fat cats in the electricity industry.

“We are miffed that NERC has become a tacit collaborator in crafting the oppressive pricing regime being perpetuated against Nigerian workers and people. The Laws that set up the commission mandate it to act as an unbiased ombudsman in the electricity industry. “Unfortunately, the reverse is the case as it has acted in cahoots with the Distribution Companies, DisCos, and the Generating Companies, GenCos, to promote their nefarious market practices.

“The announced tariff hike not only defies the established procedure mandated by law but also tramples upon the rights of Nigerian citizens. It is a flagrant abuse of power and a clear violation of the trust bestowed upon your commission by the Nigerian people. Such actions will not be tolerated, and we refuse to accept them as the new norm.

“Nigerian workers and masses led by the Nigeria Labour Congress, NLC, and the Trade Union Congress of Nigeria, TUC, stand united in denouncing this injustice. We must defend the rights of our fellow citizens against exploitation.

“Therefore, we demand an immediate reversal of the hike in electricity tariff to N65/kwh, immediate cessation of the discriminatory practice of segregating electricity consumers into arbitrary bands, and restoration of the supremacy of the statutes governing the conduct of operators within the electricity industry.

“We give you until Sunday, May 12, 2024, to comply. Failure to do so will result in swift and decisive action on our part as we will not hesitate to mobilize our members and occupy all NERC’s offices and those of the DisCos nationwide until justice is served.”

On April 3, the NERC approved an increase in electricity tariff for customers under the Band A category to N225 per kWh — from N66.

The commission said customers under the classification are those who receive 20 hours of electricity supply daily.

News

SERAP Gives FG 48-hr Ultimatum To Reverse CBN’s 0.5% Cybersecurity Levy

Published

2 hours ago

May 7, 2024

Editor

The Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project has issued a warning to the Federal Government to reverse the 0.5 per cent cybersecurity levy imposed by the Central Bank of Nigeria.

SERAP also threatened to deal in legal action against the government if it failed to reverse the levy within a 48-hour timeframe.

The non-governmental organisation stated this Tuesday via its Twitter handle, calling for the immediate reversal of what it regarded as levy ‘imposition’.

SERAP tweep @SERAPNigeria stated, “The Tinubu administration must immediately withdraw the grossly unlawful CBN directive to implement section 44 of the Cybercrime Act 2024, which imposes a 0.5% ‘cybersecurity levy’ on Nigerians.

“We’ll see in court if the directive is not withdrawn within 48 hours.”

The Central Bank of Nigeria has ordered banks operating in the country to start charging a cybersecurity levy on transactions.

A circular from the apex bank seen by Punch Online on Monday disclosed that the implementation of the levy would start two weeks from then.

The circular was directed to all commercial, merchant, non-interest and payment service banks, among others.

The circular revealed that it was a follow-up on an earlier letter dated June 25, 2018 (Ref: BPS/DIR/GEN/CIR/05/008) and October 5, 2018 (Ref: BSD/DIR/GEN/LAB/11/023), respectively, on compliance with the Cybercrimes (Prohibition, Prevention, Etc.) Act 2015.

News

JAMB Releases Results Of 531 Candidates

Published

3 hours ago

May 7, 2024

Editor

The Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board has released additional 531 results of the recently conducted Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examinations taking the total number of results released to 1,842,897.

This information is contained in a statement by the Public Communication Advisor of the Board, Dr Fabian Benjamin on Tuesday in Abuja.

Benjamin said the Board had proceeded with the screening of over 64,000 withheld results due to cases of examination misconduct.

“In the course of the exercise, other cases of examination misconduct were also established to make a tally of 92 from the 81 initially discovered,” he said.

He further explained that the Board was also looking at cases of unverified candidates and would soon come up with a position.

He added that the attention of the Board had been drawn to some fallacious publications purporting that an unknown candidate, who did not sit for the Board’s 2024 UTME obtained scores.

Benjamin described this as fake, malicious and a calculated attempt to undermine the integrity of the Board while urging the public to disregard such publications.

He said that the publication which levels such a grievous allegation, has no details of the candidate for proper verification.

“The Board is not surprised as this is the season of mischief makers, who would want to deceive gullible candidates.

“The examination template of the Board is designed with the highest sense of responsibility and is not an allocation platform where scores are doled out to candidates.

“It is most unfortunate that anybody could even believe such narration or that the story could even gain traction given the Board’s integrity.

“This again has gone to further vindicate the Board’s stance that candidates should desist from disclosing their classified details to third parties,” he said.

He said that in investigating some of these allegations, the Board discovered that some of these mischief makers copied results sent to other candidates.

“They then edit the details sent to them and then parade this as emanating from the Board.

“The Board challenges any candidate, parent or anybody with such a claim to prove it wrong by coming forward with the details of such claims, and the phone number with which such results were conveyed,“ he said.

He said that this development would only propel the Board to further tighten the process of checking its results to make it more personalized.

Benjamin said it would be stringent when it should be a straightforward exercise.

“The Board reiterated that neither its results nor any of its processes have been compromised.

“Hence, it will continue to protect the integrity of its systems against such malicious actors, who are hell-bent on creating confusion where none existed,” he said.

Benjamin stated that the Board will add more features like registration numbers to the existing UTME result-checking process going forward, to make it extra difficult for anybody to edit.

He urged candidates to securely keep their details secure, noting that if they were found associating with any of these mischievous elements, they would be treated as collaborators.

The JAMB spokesman said that the method of checking the 2024 UTME remained to send UTMERESULT to 55019 or 66019 and not through any other process.

He, therefore, said the result at the moment is not on the Board’s website.

The Board last week released the results for the 2024 UTME but noted that about 64,000 results remained under investigation.