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OPINION: Aso Rock, Voodoo Statistics And My friend, Al Venter

By Festus Adedayo
A couple of months ago, history walked on its two legs into my feeble embrace. When it did, I never knew it was Providence’s own way of anticipating Nigerian Aso Rock’s nauseating historical revisionism. History’s embrace had come by the way of a terse mail I received from foremost online medium, Premium Times. The newspaper had been sent an enquiry from a South African British author on February 7, 2025, “wanting to make contact with one of your Op-Ed writers, Festus Adedayo.” The enquirer described himself as “an old Africa hand (who) lived and worked in Nigeria…(who) also wrote (a book) on the Nigerian civil war”. I immediately proceeded to make contact with the British author. One thing led to the other and the enquirer and I were glued together by Thoth, the Egyptian mythological god of writing. He then couriered to me a copy of his recent book with the title, Takka Takka Bom Bom: A South African Correspondent’s Story (2022).
My new friend is 86 years old, Albertus Johannes Venter, famously known as Al J. Venter, with Boer and German ancestry. He is a white South African war correspondent, documentary filmmaker and author of more than forty books. Venter initially served in the South African Navy between 1956 and 1960, rising to the rank of Acting Leading Seaman. He was twice wounded in combat, by a Soviet anti-tank mine in Angola and by sub-machine gun fire. Venter was in Nigeria in 1965 to work for John Holt, and during the Nigerian 1967 civil war, covered it as an Africa and Middle East correspondent for Jane’s International Defence Review, which produced the war memoir, Biafra’s War: A Tribal Conflict In Nigeria That Left A Million Dead (2016). In coverage of the war, he was in the company of his friend, Frederick Forsyth, who was BBC’s war correspondent for Biafra.
In my piece of November 24, 2024, with the title, Obasanjo and Tinubu’s Tańtólóhun dogs, I critiqued Nigeria’s presidential media team’s reactive and oftentimes combative approach to communication. In it, I drew a parallel between this bellicose communication approach and German art enthusiast and scholar, Horst Ulrich Beier, famously known as Ulli Beier’s narrative about the power and powerlessness of dogs. For a media team, President Bola Tinubu apparently or ostensibly keeps a kennel of Rottweilers dogs who, like Beiers’ Tańtólóhun dogs, almost every time get unleashed on perceived haters of their principal.
Outgoing African Development Bank (AfDB) President Akinwumi Adesina seems to be the latest victim of the blood-baying incisors of these Tańtólóhun hounds. In the last two years of this administration, the presidential groove must be brimming with dry bones of top-placed Nigerians whose fleshes have been mercilessly torn into pieces by these insufferable dogs. As president of AfDB, Adesina has variously commented on the economies of virtually all countries in Africa. He had been a passionate bother about the slide in African economies and how, in the immortal words of Chinua Achebe, African leadership had left its plates unwashed and a swarm of flies now holds conferences inside its dirty plate.
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Following this path, which has variously earned him kudos as a concerned African, Dr. Adesina, in a keynote address delivered at Chapel Denham, an investment firm’s 20th anniversary held in Lagos, issued a stern warning that, if Nigeria desires to attain a globally competitive and industrialized status by 2050, it must radically transform its economic model. He then warned of a looming deeper economic depression which he saw manifest in his mental computation. His bother was that, with a current per capita of a mere $824, Nigerians are significantly worse off than they were in 1960 at independence.
Silence as an answer was golden. Weren’t we warned that it is not all clothes that are spread to dry under sunlight? Replying Adesina with such gruff is akin to a proverbial man lost his virile sexual potency, and who, rather than insert into where his effort was needed, claimed he could insert a thread inside the eye of a needle! Street wisdom counsels silence in this regard. Between the duo of American president, Abraham Lincoln and celebrated American humorist, Mark Twain, a quip credited to either of them dictates the route to follow by the presidential media office in the circumstance. It says it is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubts. The moment our boss, Bayo Onanuga, chose to disobey Twain and Lincoln, he let the cat out of the bag.
In a post on X (formerly Twitter) by the media office, we were entertained to a caterwaul of boring statistics. Adesina’s “figures (that) do not align with available data”, it said, and his comparative analysis of Nigeria’s GDP per capita in 1960 and 2025, misleading. “GDP per capita is not the only criterion used to determine whether people live better lives now than in the past. Indeed, it is a poor tool for assessing living standards,” the post stated. Apparently still fuming that anyone had the temerity to have another opinion about the Eldorado government Aso Rock runs today, Onanuga argued that GDP does not reflect economic realities: “GDP per capita is silent on whether Nigerians in 2025 enjoy better access to healthcare, education, and transportation, such as rail and air transport than in 1960,” he said.
However, the Tańtólóhun dogs did their comparative analysis and reached a conclusion favourable to their narrative. “We can comfortably say without contradiction that it (the economy) is at least 50 times, if not 100 times, more than it was at Independence,” they said. They also recalled that, “in 1960, Nigeria had only 18,724 telephone lines for about 45 million people” but, “today, over 200 million Nigerians have access to mobile and digital services.”
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The tirelessly whining old Ọkọ Idọgọ train eventually arrived its destination. According to the Nigerian presidency, which reads 2027 into every patriotic call for a governmental sanity, Adesina’s statement was politically motivated. It compared him to the Villa’s tormentor and Achilles’ heel. “Adesina spoke like a politician, in the mould of Peter Obi, and did not do due diligence before making his unverifiable statement,” Onanuga said. The question that needed to be asked the Tańtólóhun dogs was asked some decades back by another Juju music great, Chief Ebenezer Obey, in an evergreen vinyl. In a situation as imponderable as this, Obey asked the Woman cloth seller who held a whiplash as she stood guard of her clothes, what correlation that existed between cloths and goats that could necessitate her standing sentinel over clothes with a whip: Do animals eat lace cloth materials? (Kínni Màmá Aláso ńtà t’ó y’egba dání, àb’éwúré ńje lace ni?) We are asking the Tańtólóhun dogs same Obey question over this statement against revered Dr. Adesina.
Venter’s Takka Takka Bom Bom: A South African Correspondent’s Story is a 27-chapter book of 399 pages, with a chapter entitled “Nigeria: Crazy, but I love it!” It was a title he got from his first report for Argus Africa News Service describing his experience in a 5-year-old post-independence Nigeria. Compared to other countries he had been, the then 27-year-old Venter said he spent “next to nothing” commuting from Calabar, through Port Harcourt, Onitsha, Benin across land to Lagos. “It was significant that I never once encountered any hostility throughout my Nigerian peregrinations, political or otherwise. Lagos was then among the most secure cities in Africa,” Venter wrote, stating, “We were out every night, often on foot, moving around the bars on Lagos Victoria Island or up to Yaba and Ikorodu Roadway – often until the wee hours.” Is the situation same today in Tinubu’s Nigeria? The plenty in Nigeria of the time can effortlessly be found in Venter’s fluid narrative. It is also in the people’s sense of nationalism. Take, for instance, an American Peace Corps female volunteer whose story is in the book. She had sent home a postcard which referred to Nigeria as a disgusting filth pile and slums. All hell was let loose when somebody in the post office passed the card over to someone in government. Not only was the lady kicked out of the country, Nigerians were still disconsolate until Washington apologized for this indiscretion.
Statistics on poverty rates, income growth, and factors like affordability of housing, commute times, and environmental quality are also indicators of overall well-being of a people. The Villa should have availed us that. A few days ago, the World Bank alerted that poverty rate among Nigeria’s rural population had slid to an alarming 75.5 per cent.
Now, we have the Nigerian government gloat on a claim of its having paid up IMF debt. The reality staring us in the face is that the suffering of Nigerian people is spreading like bushfire in the harmattan. If the Villa voodoo media doctors can, for a minute, open the shutters and see beyond the comfy Aso Rock, what will confront them is the reality that, every hour, Nigerians slide into poverty and die because they cannot access healthcare and food. Thousands also slant into depression. Flaunting apocryphal statistics of citizen comfort across ages that are as smelly to the senses as the “remains of dead animals, birds, reptiles and much more” won’t work. The description of smell was given by Venter of Lome witch-doctors’ Akodessawa Fetish Market while filming a documentary in Togo. Citing Venter, the Villa statistics-bandying, without corresponding description of the people’s plight today, finds simile in “using magic to communicate with supernatural spirits and dead people.”
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Today, while Aso Rock is winning the war of political demographics and idolatry bow of opposition parties by its feet, it is not winning the hearts of the people. Nigerian political parties, governors, senators, Reps are jumping inside the dirty pond of APC to swim in the mud preparatory to 2027. Great that a Charles Soludo, desperate for a second term, has found an “ideological” liaison in a combine of APC and APGA for an illicit romp. Yes, the president is now “Dike si mba Anambra,” (warrior from the Diaspora) a chieftaincy title conferred on him on Thursday by Igwe Chidubem Iweka who said it was a title “by all the royal fathers from the 179 communities of Anambra State.” What war has the president won since he secured the tenancy of Aso Rock that makes him a Dike, warrior? Hunger war? Hopelessness war? Insecurity war? War against corruption? After politicians finished their trade-off huffing and puffing at the Alex Ekwueme Square, Awka that Thursday and federal largesses exchanged hands, did the people of Anambra go to bed happier or hungrier?
It is apparent that the statistics juggling by “Dike si mba Anambra”’s people are all geared towards 2027. Beautiful. While they appear to have tightened the nuts and bolts of the human factor, I wish they spare a minute to screw together God’s nuts and bolts, too. It is like hunting a game, killing and disemboweling the animal but failing to reckon with its bile busting to foul up a neatly-dressed venison. This reminds me of a gory picture Juju music maestro, King Sunny Ade, painted in one of his 1970s songs. KSA’s imaginary enemies had sent a kid on an errand to the l’éku-l’éja market, almost similar to Lome’s Akodessawa Fetish Market. The kid’s assignment was to buy some fetish bric-a-brac with which they hoped to put a final seal of spiritual victory on their enemy. The fetish objects comprised one of the most lethal assemblages ever, but effete in the real sense of it – dry head of a cobra, bought for six pence; seven carcasses of the animal called Itun; seven bitter seeds of Abere and seven seeds of alligator pepper, all of which were pounded with a traditional black soap. Little did they know, sang KSA, like nincompoops, (Paddy Ode-nsin) that they had been sold a dummy!
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I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.
Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.
His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.
It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.
READ ALSO:Trump To Receive Full Menu Of Options To Stop Nigeria Genocide – US Rep, Moore
The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.
Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.
“I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”
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OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

By Lasisi Olagunju
Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?
I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?
What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.
Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.
Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.
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Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:
“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”
America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:
“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”
Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?
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“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.
“Where is anywhere?”
It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.
I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!
It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).
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I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.
As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.
So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.
We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.
So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.
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OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

By Lasisi Olagunju
Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!
It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.
They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.
I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.
Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.
In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).
In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.
In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).
In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.
Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.
We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.
President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.
Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.
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We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.
Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.
In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.
Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.
Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:
Gerere,
Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,
Gerere…
(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).
People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.
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I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?
‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.
Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”
Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.
Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.
I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.
The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.
A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.
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This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,…”
Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?
Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.
The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.
This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.
In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:
“Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”
For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:
“The final stage of life
that ends this strange and eventful journey
is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;
without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”
The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.
										
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