By Suyi Ayodele

There is a joke about a child who failed his promotion examination. The child devised a painless get-away way to break the bad news to his no-nonsense parents.

Striding home with all smiles, the child opened the conversation with his parents. First, he asked his father if he remembered Orikogbo Orimoogunje, the brilliant boy who represented the school in a science quiz competition, a year before. The father affirmed that he could picture the boy. Then the child announced: ‘He failed the promotion examination,’ and the parents both exclaimed: “What!”

Next, the smart boy turned to the mother and asked if she remembered Idiileke, the daughter of her friend, Ibadiaran. The mother answered in affirmation. The child asked again if the mother could also remember that Idiileke led her class the previous session, in all subjects, and he got another affirmation. Then he dropped the bombshell: “This session, she came last; at the bottom of the class!”

The bewildered parents then asked the child about his own result to which the child responded: “We should thank God for not allowing me to be at the bottom of the class like Idiileke. At least, I took the 29th position out of the 30 of us in my class.” He dropped his result card and strolled into his room.

The parents were too paralysed to process what had just happened. Before they came back to their senses, their mischievously prodigious child was already out, playing and planning other strategies with which he would outsmart his parents!

I asked Apollo, the Greek god of music, to lend me its golden lyre for the remix of Johnson Oatman, Jr’s (1856-1897), lyrics: Count Your Blessings. The leader of the Muses granted my request. Here is what I produced:

When upon life’s billows Nigerians ‘re economically-tossed/When they are badly battered, thinking all hope is lost/ Let them count their many sufferings, name them one by one/And it will surprise them what Tinubu hath done/

Refrain: Count their sufferings, name them one by one/Count their sufferings, name them one by one/ Count their sufferings, name them one by one/and it will surprise them what Tinubu hath done/

Apologies to my All Saints Anglican Church, Oke-Bola, Ikole Ekiti, choir masters, particularly, Mr. Olowomeye, for my not-too-good rendition of the above lyrics. I may not have turned out to be a fantastic vocalist; but I better pass President Bola Ahmed Tinubu. He could not convey his thoughts in music last Friday in Yenagoa, the capital of Bayelsa State, the way I did here. The proverbial lizard, after jumping down from the high Iroko tree, quips: if nobody praises me, I will praise myself. I know say I sabi sing better pass our President!

The thematic preoccupation of the prodigious child’s joke above finds its missing cousin in President Tinubu’s outing in Yenagoa last week. The President was in his element that Friday. After commissioning some projects executed by Governor Duoye Diri, the President took time to review the pain his administration has subjected Nigerians to since he assumed office in May 2023.

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He offered no apologies because he could see a ray of hope for thanksgiving to him and to God Almighty for the lesser pain in the land compared to that of other failed African nations. Hear him:

“Let’s just thank God together that you are better off listening to them in Kenya and other African countries. What they are going through. The fuel prices are biting hard. But look around. We will continue to find ways to ameliorate the suffering of the vulnerable. This is a government that cares. We will look at the numbers with the finance, economic planning and budgeting, and we will see what we can do to ease the burden.”

The above statements by President Tinubu define why nothing appears to be moving in his government. With this kind of failure-redefined posturing, all hope is lost on whether this present administration will ever find any solution to the myriads of economic woes that have been the lot of Nigerians since the government of the All Progressives Congress (APC) came into power in 2015. A President with this type of I better pass my neighbour mentality is surely an open disaster for the citizenry. Unfortunately, this is the philosophy that underscores the Tinubu administration.

Like he did on May 29, 2023, with his spur of the moment ‘subsidy is gone’ declaration, Tinubu again asked Nigerians to compare their living conditions with those of Kenyans and thank God for being better off! Why should Kenya be the parameter to measure good living standards in Nigeria? How did the President conclude that Nigerians are better off than Kenyans?

The World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) have repeatedly submitted that before the coming of the APC locusts and wasters, Nigeria’s economy had always been far better than that of Kenya. In 2014 under the leadership of President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, both Kenya and Nigeria underwent a GDP rebasing of their economies having experienced strong economic growth that put Nigeria’s GDP growth at 6.3% and Kenya’s GDP growth at 5.4% to 5.5%

During that period, Nigeria’s economy, the two world bodies said, “was driven by the non-oil sector (particularly services, agriculture, and manufacturing), which grew by over 8% in the first quarter, offsetting declines in oil production”, adding that Kenya’s growth “was broad-based, led by agriculture, finance, and transportation, alongside significant infrastructure investment.

“In 2014, Nigeria rebased its economy, resulting in an 89% increase in its GDP estimate, officially making it Africa’s largest economy at the time. Kenya also rebased its GDP, increasing its size by about a quarter. While Nigeria had a larger overall economy, Kenya’s growth was considered more balanced across sectors, whereas Nigeria remained heavily dependent on oil revenues. Both nations outpaced the regional average in 2014, but Nigeria’s headline growth rate of 6.3% was higher than Kenya’s 5.4%–5.5%.” The report stated.

Another expert report added that: “As is well known, available figures, statistics and ratings show that the Nigerian economy has consistently maintained an unprecedented growth rate of 6-7 per cent under the Jonathan administration. They also show that the Nigerian economy is now the leading economy in Africa and the 26th largest in the world, with a gross domestic product of over $500 billion per annum.”

Now go back to 2016, two years later, when the APC-led government had taken over from President Jonathan, “Kenya’s economy” the world economic bodies stated, “grew by approximately 5.9% to 6%, while Nigeria’s economy contracted by -1.51% to -1.6%, experiencing its first recession in decades. While Kenya was considered one of the fastest-growing economies in Africa that year, Nigeria suffered from a severe economic downturn driven by falling oil prices.

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“The Kenyan economy was robust, supported by agriculture, entrepreneurship, and low fuel prices, maintaining a growth rate that outpaced the sub-Saharan African average. Nigeria: The economy contracted significantly due to a sharp decline in oil prices and reduced oil production caused by vandalism in the Niger Delta.” The report added that while “Nigeria struggled with high inflation, Kenya enjoyed better macroeconomic stability.”

The gains recorded in the pre-APC administration through an economy that was driven “by the non-oil sector (particularly services, agriculture, and manufacturing),” were lost when the government of the late General Muhammadu Buhari became flatfooted on the issue of security such that farmers abandoned their farmlands and those who remained paid heavy ransoms to bandits to farm and to harvest that which was planted. Nothing has changed except that the baton changed from Buhari to Tinubu.

How convenient then it is for Tinubu to compare the pain of his voodoo economic policies upon Nigerians with what the Kenyans are going through at the moment? Is the Presidency not aware that by the World Bank/IMF and African Development Bank (ADB) projection for 2025, two years of the President Tinubu administration, “Kenya is projected to experience faster economic growth than Nigeria, continuing a trend of higher, more stable expansion, while Nigeria’s economy faces a slower, recovery-focused growth trajectory?”

By those same projections, while Kenya “Is projected to grow between 4.8% and 5.6%, driven by robust services, agriculture, and construction,” Nigeria, on the other hand, “Is projected to grow at a slower rate of around 3.0% to 3.9%, struggling with high inflation and fiscal constraints, despite expected improvements in oil production.”

The reports, which were put together by these bodies in late 2025 and early 2026, expressly stated further that while “Kenya is benefiting from a more diversified economy and has avoided the severe currency shocks experienced by Nigeria, Nigeria has seen a significant decline in its nominal dollar GDP in recent years, placing it as the 4th largest economy in Africa in 2025 (behind South Africa, Egypt, and Algeria) rather than its previous top spot.”

These are the facts that the President should consider before the skewed comparison. For crying out loud, Kenya only joined the oil-producing countries of Africa in 2012, when it discovered oil in commercial quantities in the Turkana region of the country. It only exported its first batch of crude oil in 2019!

How on earth would our President draw a comparison with Kenya, when Nigeria first discovered oil in commercial quantities on June 5, 1956 and made the first exportation in 1958? Granted that successive governments had made a waste of that natural resource, however, the profligacy of the Tinubu administration cries to high heaven, just as the sleaze, crass impunity and systemic pilfering remain unmatched!

And if we may ask, which other “African countries” are in a worse situation than Nigeria that Tinubu wanted us to be grateful to God for? Is the President, by any stretch of wild imagination, comparing Nigerians’ living conditions with those of war-torn nations like Libya, Angola and the Republic of Congo? Why should the failures of other nations be this government’s barometer to measure its lacklustre outings?

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In Angola for instance, petrol sells for $0.328 a litre, which is approximately N509, compared to Nigeria where the same one litre goes for N1,300! Yeah, while Kenya has a higher price of an equivalent N1,800/litre, the cost of living in Kenya is lower than Nigeria’s, with a minimum wage put at N140,000, twice the debatable minimum wage of N70,000 in Nigeria. That differential makes the purchasing power of an average Kenyan to be double that of his Nigerian counterpart. Affordability, elementary economics posits, will no doubt result in better living conditions.

So, how loud does President Tinubu want us to shout that he was not elected president to make comparisons on failure indexes? Here is a man who promised to fix our power problems, with a 24-hour electricity supply guarantee. What do we have now? Despite his covenant that he should be rejected at the poll for a second term if he failed to deliver a 24-hour power supply, has he not turned the entire nation to another dark enclave of the devil?

In demonstration of his lost hope in the revival of the nation’s power problem, the President detached Aso Rock Villa from the National Grid and went for solar. Now, he lives in a daylight environment at the Villa while the rest of us ‘grope in darkness’ with epileptic power supply or no-power-supply in most cases!

The affirmation came when, with crass insensitivity, Tinubu spent less than 10 minutes at the Jos Airport ‘reception’ for the families of the over 20 citizens killed by bandits, because, as the President said: “You have no light here!”

Do we talk about insecurity? Less than 24 hours after insurgents overran the 29 Task Force Brigade in Borno, killing the Brigade Commander, Brigadier-General Oseni Braimah, and many other soldiers, Tinubu was in Yenagoa donning the native Izon attire, telling us to raise our voices in praise for the lesser agony that we experience daily compared to our neighbour! Braimah’s death followed almost the same pattern as Brigadier-General Musa Uba, whose position after he escaped bandits’ ambush was compromised, and he was slaughtered like a ram!

Pray, when shall we put on our dancing shoes for an all-denominational thanksgiving crusade in appreciation of Tinubu for making Nigeria better than Somalia in terms of mass killings?