By Lasisi Olagunju

My literature teacher told me that situational irony is a fire station burning down, or a Babaláwo dying of Mágùn. Some 40 years ago, Fuji musician, Wasiu Ayinde, cursed his enemies in a song that they would challenge a moving vehicle, stand arrogantly in its front and then lose their limbs to the fury of a tipper truck: “Otá mi ‘ò níi yà f’ókò, akóyoyo ní o kan l’ése…” Curses don’t act the same day they are pronounced; they ponder well before they act. Sometimes curses, like defective guns, backfire. Wasiu’s 40-year-old invocation turned on him on Tuesday last week. He shocked himself and the world with his using his own body to block a moving airplane. He was lucky; his inner head assisted the outer to duck from death.

It is cool that he has begged the pilot and her crew members for forgiveness. He also apologised to his ‘father’ and father of the nation, the president. Even if the expression of regrets was merely for the optics, that the guilty publicly accepted his guilt would mean he won’t be kept kneeling till eternity. But, does the law accept apologies? Should it accept remorse as enough restitution. We will soon know.

American professors of Sociology, Mark Cooney and Scott Phillips tell us in the March 2013 edition of the ‘Sociological Forum’ that apology can be complete and can be incomplete: “A complete apology has several components, including admission of wrongdoing, acceptance of responsibility, expression of remorse, and a promise not to repeat (the wrong). Not all apologies are complete. Some do not admit wrongdoing (‘I am sorry if anybody took offence’). Others are mere expressions of remorse (‘I am sorry you were hurt’).” The complete apology is the one that remembers to add the third leg: ‘I won’t do it again.’ You don’t say sorry today and issue fresh threats tomorrow against your victim.

The plane-stopper should by now know that some fights are not worth one’s life. A medicine required that the ingredients be ground like pepper; our star singer thought it was bravery to make himself one of those ingredients. If he was an Oyo-Yoruba man, he would have heard his elders say “a kì í fi ara ẹni í ṣe oògùn alọ̀kúnná.” I congratulate him on being alive to say and sing sorry.

In matters of misbehaviour, very many big men and women are ‘Malla’; Wasiu is simply unfortunate because hubris stripped him naked. Flight crew and flight attendants get routinely harassed and insulted, sometimes assaulted by beings who think they are bigger than the rules. A lady I call T did her industrial attachment under me as News Editor of the Nigerian Tribune in 1999. She later graduated from the University of Ibadan and got an air hostess job. Last Friday, she told me that behind air hostesses’ pepsodent/close-up smiles are scars of insults and indignities they suffer at the hands of uncouth passengers. She told the tale of a ‘rich’ lady who asked a flight attendant to come dispose of her baby’s soiled diapers. “The hostess said ‘No. I am a food handler, I cannot use the same hands I use in serving food to dispose of your baby’s poo.’ It became an issue.” From my friend, I heard many stories of “do you know who I am”; the story of an entitled passenger who struck a cabin crew member on the face and was escorted off the aircraft before takeoff. She told the tale of drunk, unruly rich dudes coming home for Christmas from South Africa. “They demanded more alcohol than they should have. We said no and they became unruly.”

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There should be more of such dramatic stories. I contacted an old university friend who used to work in that system. She told me: “Several years ago, I had a big issue with General Musa Bamaiyi who was NDLEA chairman from 1995 to 1998. He told his boys to come and offload me from the flight. What was my sin? He was carrying a gun and wanted to board and hand it over to the flight crew himself because he said cabin crew did not know how to handle such a weapon. The Captain and the Flight Officer were not on board, so, I could not let him enter with the gun. The rule is: you would need to get the captain’s permission. I told him but, maybe, he felt I was lying. The captain came in and noticed that it looked like the man had come with his trouble again; he asked Bamaiyi’s bodyguards to step off his aircraft, he collected the gun and the General went to have his seat.

“Then there was an Aviation Minister (name withheld) who threatened to get off the aircraft because I could not find a space for his bags in business class. He came with like 8pcs (eight pieces) of luggage that he wanted to stow in business class. He was the last to board and the aircraft was full. I tried explaining to him that there was no space for his bags. I offered to tag it ‘coco’ (carry on carry off) so he would pick them at the foot of the aircraft. He said no way. I offered that the photo frames in the coatroom be tagged so his bags could go in; he said no. So, I apologised that I had no space for what he had considering that the flight was full. I reported the matter to the captain. The captain said to me ‘if he wants to get off so be it.’ He got off the airplane and called my MD to sack me because, he said, I was rude. I remember a prominent Nigerian from a prominent family (name withheld) was on the flight. The man told me if I got queried and needed a witness, I was free to mention his name. The airline set up a committee to investigate the incident. At the end, they told me to resume flying as I had not done anything wrong. I wasn’t even called before the panel. The committee suggested that the airline should find a way to appease the minister but there was no reason to sack me.

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“I had another experience where the passenger refused to switch off his phone for takeoff. And he was quite rude and insulting. I reported him to the flight crew who in turn told ATC (Air Traffic Control). I think ATC called NCAA or FAAN who met the man on arrival and took him away, kept him for a while before releasing him and warning him.”

On those flights, my friend was the purser, the person in charge of the passenger cabin, sometimes the most senior. Some airlines use other terms for purser: Lead crew, cabin manager, head flight attendant, chief flight attendant.

Maltreatment of flight crew and flight attendants is not a monopoly of this place or of this age. In the Fall of 1985, four American researchers did a piece on what they called “aggressive acts directed by passengers against flight attendants aboard commercial planes from 1978 to 1980.” ‘Assaults against Airline Flight Attendants: A Victimisation Study’ is what they entitled their work. They went into media reports and spoke with victims. They found that the assault incidents were “often perpetrated by professional athletes or prominent entertainers…”

The Wall Street Journal of February 27, 1980 carried a report: ‘Skies Aren’t Friendly for Airline People Who Get Assaulted.’ It reported that “more and more flight attendants are being kicked, bitten, pawed, shoved, or slugged by airline passengers these days.” A year earlier (September 19, 1979), a flight attendant lamented to a Dallas Times-Herald reporter in these words: “It used to be that passengers were demanding; now they’re getting mean.” The newspaper reported it under the headline: ‘Verbal Abuse, Assaults against Flight Attendants Increase’.

On March 12, 2025, the Associated Press, in a report, quoted court records as saying that a passenger on a regional flight to Miami, United States, attacked a flight attendant, kicked and punched the seat of the person in front of him and swallowed rosary beads. An FBI agent’s affidavit filed in a US District Court affirmed that the passenger was traveling with his sister, who said her brother told her before the violent outburst to “close her eyes and pray because Satan’s disciple(s) had followed them onto the plane.” The 31-year-old passenger was jailed on charges including misdemeanor battery, misdemeanor obstruction of police and a felony count of criminal property damage.

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There is a newspaper called South China Morning Post. On April 4, 2025, it reported an in-flight conflict between two women passengers sitting next to each other. “One of them complained about the other’s body odour, while the other objected to the strong smell of her fellow passenger’s perfume. A verbal altercation between them soon gave way to a physical confrontation. Two female flight attendants and two male colleagues attempted to intervene and break up the fight.” As the melee ensued, one of the flight attendants shouted out: “Open your mouth. You have bitten me!” The attendant was hospitalised for injuries to her arm.

United Airlines Flight 976 was a flight from Ministro Pistarini International Airport in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York City on October 19–20, 1995. It recorded the most bizzare of all abuse cases so far. According to the airline, during the flight, one Gerard Finneran, a Wall Street investment banker, was refused further alcoholic beverages when the cabin crew determined he was intoxicated. “After they thwarted his attempt to pour himself more, Finneran threatened one flight attendant with violence and attacked another one. He then went into the first-class compartment which was also carrying Portuguese president Mário Soares and Argentinian foreign minister Guido di Tella and their security details. There, he climbed on a service trolley and defecated, using linen napkins to wipe himself, and later tracked and smeared his faeces around the cabin.” History has recorded the incident as “the worst case of air rage ever” with Forbes magazine, in a February 5, 2015 report saying “It’ll be hard to ever top that nasty bit of air rage, at least short of an actual act of terrorism.” The shit man, like the other offenders before him, faced prosecution and suffered punishment.

Gross as that case was, and in all the cases cited in the literature of assaults on airline workers, none shows what Wasiu Ayinde did, using his own body to stop a moving plane. It was an unfortunate way to insert oneself into history books. His Wikipedia page is already blessed with a generous mention of that tragic outing.

I don’t know if the wealthy Wasiu Ayinde has heard the story of a vast forest of beasts where pride trumped the arrogant. The story is courtesy Lakshmi Mitter, Indian author and columnist. In that story here retold by me, Lion maintains his place as the undisputed king of the jungle. But in that same forest lived arrogant Tiger, who thought himself the ULTIMATE in might, stronger than Lion. Tiger strutted about, boasting to the other animals: “Look at me; my teeth are the sharpest; I have strong jaws, my body is agile, I am the most effective of all hunters. Even the so-called king of the forest is no match for me!”

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Wise old Elephant cautioned him and referenced the old song of Sir Shina Peters of the soldier ant that derobed a giant. Elephant warned Tiger: “Do not be so proud. Sometimes, even the smallest creature, armed with wisdom, can defeat the strongest.

But proud Tiger ignored the advice; he even insulted the Elephant calling him clumsy. The wise always know it is pointless counselling a fool; so, ponderous elephant walked away. One day, Tiger strayed into a nearby village and attacked some cows, and had a heavy, enjoyable meal. The surviving cows were distraught. Their leader sought help from an unlikely ally, the Queen bee. She listened carefully and promised to act and help.

That very night, when Tiger returned for another feast, queen of the bees sent her army into action. Some bees buzzed menacingly around Tiger’s ears while others stung him sharply. Tiger roared, it growled and snarled. In pain, he swiped wildly, but in the darkness he could not see his tiny attackers. Even if he did, what could he do to a whole community of soldiers? Overwhelmed and humiliated, he fled back to the forest.

Subdued Tiger recalled the Elephant’s wise words and became wise. From that day on, Tiger became humble. He never troubled the village cows again and he never bragged about himself as being mightier than the mightiest in the forest.

At the Abuja airport on Tuesday, our celebrated musician played the tiger in the forest; he strutted and roared. He dared the law and insulted the king and his throne. His arrogance blinded him to the reality that in this forest of the skies, there are rules and the pilot is king, his attendants are law enforcement officers. Some whispers of sanity were said into his ears, but the star friend of the president wanted war and was ready for a fight. You don’t have the king as a client and be cowardly (A kìí l’óba, k’á l’ójo). The ultimate songster blocked the aircraft with his full chest, and held up crew and passengers alike.

But the “bees” were ready: airline staff, aviation authorities, and the ever-buzzing swarm of camera phones. Their unsparing sting was swift, painful and public. They denied Tiger Talazo all opportunities to lie against the truth. By the time the noise died down, the proud tiger of the tarmac had learnt a timeless truth: aircrafts have their own rules, and arrogance has no boarding pass.