Connect with us

News

OPINION: Natahsha’s Apoti Is Not Godswill For Apkabio

Published

on

Tunde Odesola

The darkness was so heavy you could touch it. ’Twas so thick it could stain. Sinister and choking, the darkness screened off the sky and its moonlight. Without thunderclap nor lightning daze, rain poured down on the night of long knives.

Suddenly, a violent wind arose amid the footfalls of fleeing bandits, who slung huge sacks of stuffed ballot boxes over their shoulders like Father Christmas slings his sack of gifts.

Advertisement

“Ole! Ole! Ole! Thief! Thief! Thief! The pursuing citizens shouted. The vote robbers neither stopped nor looked back en route to their chamber, deriving inspiration from the proverb of perseverance that says, “When the egúngún is in pursuit, the pursued is advised not to stop because as fleeing humans tire out, so is the pursuing egúngún tiring out.”

One after the other, the bandits jumped into their fortress through the doors, windows and ceiling, slamming the doors, windows and attic shut before the masses could close in. Ruthless and rapacious, the bandits caught their breath like lions do after an arduous kill. Wow! That was a close shave!

Once the robbers ran into their Abuja fortress, the pursuers stopped and backed off, knowing full well the fortress was guarded by gunmen and the Constitution.

Advertisement

The rain continued to pour down in torrents. No owls hooted, no crickets chirped, no dogs barked, only darkness loomed. The Official Manservant of the bandits is called Mr Clerk. He pressed a button on his table, and the whole chamber came alive in full red colour.

Now, everyone is seated in their respective seat; their faces shone with sweat, rain and blood stains, each beaming with smiles and a sense of accomplishment. Handshakes, backslaps and bear hugs with cackles of laughter shook the chamber.

Apkabio is the leader of the hunting pack. He banged his gavel for attention and said in his peculiar accent, “Distinguished ladies and yentlemen, I, hereby, grant Mr Clerk the permiyon to address and pray for us. Please, let’s pay attenyon because it is my intenyon for our victory celebrayon to progress till the morning hours. We deserve to party and enjoy ourselves, ladies and yentlemen.”

Advertisement

Clerk: Let us pray. We’re grateful that it pleases the Lord Almighty to give our returning members sweet victory in their respective elections. Though the election battle was snatch and bolt, rip and run, the Lord gives victory to whom He loves…(Speaks in tongues: El shsasba prokorotori matayakata!). Father Lord, we pray that you be the guide and guard of Your children as they embark on their four-year legislative duties to their fatherland in Jesus’ mighty name!

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: IBB: I-brahim B-abanla B-andit [OPINION]

Chorus: Amen!!!

Advertisement

An imam, whose tasbih (rosary) was longer than the intestines of a cow, was also on hand to pray for the brood of vipers. His turban was bigger than a parachute.

Apkabio: (Continuing in his funny accent) Mbon mmi, my own election was war! I didn’t participate in my party’s primaries, but I grabbed the ticket after I stuffed Supreme judges’ wigs, gowns and mouths with dollars. Okuk atan iko – money speaking. Money na water.

Fellow bandits hail Apkabio: After God na you!

Advertisement

Apkabio: No! No! No oooo! Make una no put me for wahala o. Yagaban na my oka (oga) o. I no near Yagaban a-roll a-roll (at all, at all) o.

Bandits: Hahahahahahahha. Na you, biko!

Apkabio: Where’s Honourable Natahsha? I can see a few honourables didn’t jump in through the doors and windows. Mr Clerk, please, tell Honourable Natahsha to see me in my private residence asap; there’s an urgent national assignment for her in my bedroom.

Advertisement

Clerk: Sir, Honourable Natahsha dropped a petition about the arrangement of the chamber.

Apkabio: Tell her I’ll do anything she wants, whenever and wherever she’s ready to tickle my fancy. She can have anything in this chamber, including my humble self. Who am I but a mere servant, ready to sow and reap in lush vineyards? Uwem enem – life’s sweet o.

The gang bursts out laughing.

Advertisement

Clerk: I’ll let her know, Your Honour, sir.

The gang partied late into the night, blasting Olu Maintain’s hit, Yahoozee; Kelly Hansome’s Maga Don Pay, and Living Things by 9ice, among other crematorium songs.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: The Witches On Portable’s Road To Madness (2)

Advertisement

(Inside Apkabio house, domestic staff engage in gossip)

Gardener: (Singing African China song) …Mr President, lead us well; If you bi governor, govern us well; If you bi senator, senate am well; If you bi police, police well well, no dey take bribe…

Maid: Akpan, if oga or madam hear di song you dey sing, just know say your work for dis house don finish. Both of dem dey para now o.

Advertisement

Cook: Ekaette, wetin you mean? Why dem dey para nah?

Maid: Udoh and Akpan! Una no hear wetin dey happen!? Di yellow canary wey oga tink say im catch with im bowler hat for inside chamber, by the time oga put im hand inside the hat, oga no grab canary o, na shit oga grab! And the bird don dey sing to fellow Nigerians since!

Gardener: Ha, Ekaette, na wa o. E bi like say dem take women swear for oga. Which kain insult oga never see on top woman matter? Dem don tear oga singlet, beat am, spit on am.. Haba! Shey na di route wey oga follow come dis world im wan follow go ni?

Advertisement

Driver: No bi today nah. You sabi how many earrings and nails wey I don pack while cleaning oga limousines? I no go tell una other extracurricular items wey I don sweep comot from inside oga limousines. Shey una see dat oga head wey bi like Abiku head, na only women and how to thief money full am.

Cook: You mean say oga dey do on motion?

Driver: Oga na ‘Everywhere You Go Turaya’, e dey active on land, air and sea. But dis Apoti wey oga go siddon on top don burn oga yansh, oga no fit siddon again. Apoti na wetin Yoruba dey call small wooden seat. Igbo people dey call am ‘obere oche’. Hausa dey call am ‘keremin kujira’. Dis apoti hot pass furnace.

Advertisement

(Vehicle horns blare. People talk outside the gates, raining curses on Natahsha and singing the praise of Apkabio)

Maid: Protesters don come collect money – human rights activists, police, students, labour, journalists, traders, lawyers, town unions, etc. Oga don spend real money on top dis skirt and blouse matter o.

Cook: Hey, look! See oga’s chief of staff don dey come downstairs; make e no meet us here o. O ya, o ya, make everybody disappear. Me, I never obtain Yankee visa, I dey waka go boys’ quarters o.

Advertisement

(Domestic staff disperse quickly)

The next day, Apkabio locked himself inside his room. He was greatly disturbed because the Yellow Canary wouldn’t stop singing. In fact, she has taken her song beyond the compromised courts in the land, to an international tribunal, where she’s singing on the top of her voice. Sweat broke on Apkabio brow.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: The Witches On Portable’s Road To Madness (1)

Advertisement

He looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. He opened his mouth, but no word came out. He cleared his throat and tried again to talk, yet there was no word. He slumped on his bed and wept.

Apkabio drifted into a dream. In the dream, Apoti pummels and drags him to the edge of a cliff and pushes him off, he shouts and jerks awake, panting, sweating and cursing.

Outside the room, Mrs Apkabio hears her husband’s shout. She rushes in. “Ha, my lord, why are you shouting and sweating like this?” she asked. “It’s that witch o, that ashewo girl. She pushed me from a cliff, but Mama Bourdillon grabbed me before I nack head for wall,” he replied.

Advertisement

“Blood of Jesus! This will pass, my husband. I’ve mobilised serving and retired female and male crooks, and they’ve been singing your praise. I recruited Itu Iya Ita in Calabar and a former Lagos Minister who has fallen on bad times. I also recruited a member of a family reputed for betraying,” she said. “Thank you,” Apkabio replied.

Mrs Apkabio: But you sef, why you no dey take eye see anything in skirt?

Apkabio: Na my enemies use women curse me, I swear.

Advertisement

Mrs Apkabio: See your mouth, he-goat! Abeg, I’m going downstairs to pay some leaders of Niger Delta militants who have been helping us threaten to cause wahala if you’re removed.

Apkabio: Thank you. I’ll never chase anything in a skirt again.

Mrs Apkabio: What if she no wear skirt?

Advertisement

(Both burst out laughing as the wife exits)

All alone, Apkabio goes back to the mirror and looks at himself; a one-horn, one-eyed principality stares back at him. Then, his inner mind spoke: “Apkabio, you’re a disgrace! You stole your way into the House. But instead of repenting from your old ways, you refused. What legacy do you intend to bequeath? A professor who rigged an election for you was jailed. You head a House of criminals, some of whose members are wanted for international crimes in the US and Europe. A current member of the hound is still in prison abroad. Apkabio, look at your life!

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Advertisement

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

Advertisement

News

Out-of-school: Group To Enroll Adolescent Mothers In Bauchi

Published

on

Women Child Youth Health and Education Initiative (WCY) with support from Malala Education Champion Network, have charted a way to enroll adolescent mothers to access education in Bauchi schools.

Rashida Mukaddas, the Executive Director, WCY stated this in Bauchi on Wednesday during a one-day planning and inception meeting with education stakeholders on Adolescent Mothers Education Access (AMEA) project of the organisation.

According to her, the project targeted three Local Government Areas of Bauchi, Misau and Katagum for implementation in the three years project.

Advertisement

She explained that all stakeholders in advancing education in the state would be engaged by the organisation to advocate for Girl-Child education.

READ ALSO:Maternal Mortality: MMS Tackling Scourge —Bauchi Women Testify

The target, she added, was to ensure that as many as married adolescent mothers and girls were enrolled back in school in the state.

Advertisement

Today marks an important step in our collective commitment to ensuring that every girl in Bauchi state, especially adolescent who are married, pregnant, or young mothers has the right, opportunity, and support to continue and complete her education.

“This project has been designed to address the real and persistent barriers that prevent too many adolescent mothers from returning to school or staying enrolled.

“It is to address the barriers preventing adolescent mothers from continuing and completing their education and adopting strategies that will create an enabling environment that safeguard girls’ rights to education while removing socio-cultural and economic obstacles,” said Mukaddas.

Advertisement

READ ALSO:Bauchi: Auto Crash Claimed 432, Injured 2,070 Persons In 1 Months — FRSC

She further explained to the stakeholders that the success of the project depended on the strength of their collaboration, the alignment of their actions, and the commitments they forge toward the implementation of the project.

Also speaking, Mr Kamal Bello, the Project Officer of WCY, said that the collaboration of all the education stakeholders in the state with the organisation could ensure stronger enforcement of the Child Rights Law.

Advertisement

This, he said, could further ensure effective re-entry and retention policies for adolescent girls, increased community support for girls’ education and a Bauchi state where no girl was left behind because of marriage, pregnancy, or motherhood.

“It is observed that early marriage is one of the problems hindering girls’ access to education.

READ ALSO:Bauchi: Auto Crash Claimed 432, Injured 2,070 Persons In 1 Months — FRSC

Advertisement

“This organisation is working toward ensuring that girls that have dropped out of school due to early marriage are re-enrolled back in school,” he said.

Education stakeholders present at the event included representatives from the state Ministry of Education, Justice, Budget and Economic Planning and Multilateral Coordination.

Others were representatives from International Federation of Women Lawyers, Adolescent Girls Initiative for Learning and Empowerment (AGILE), Bauchi state Agency for Mass Education, Civil Society Organization, Religious and Traditional institutions, among others.

Advertisement

They all welcomed and promised to support the project so as to ensure its effective implementation and achieve its set objectives in the state.

Continue Reading

News

OPINION: Fubara, Adeleke And The Survival Dance

Published

on

By Israel Adebiyi

You should be aware by now that the dancing governor, Ademola Adeleke has danced his last dance in the colours of the Peoples Democratic Party. His counterpart in Rivers, Siminalayi Fubara has elected to follow some of his persecutors to the All Progressive Congress, after all “if you can’t beat them, you can join them.”
Politics in Nigeria has always been dramatic, but every now and then a pattern emerges that forces us to pause and think again about where our democracy is heading. This week on The Nation’s Pulse, that pattern is what I call the politics of survival. Two events in two different states have brought this into sharp focus. In both cases, sitting governors elected on the platform of the same party have found new homes elsewhere. Their decisions may look sudden, but they reveal deeper issues that have been growing under the surface for years.

In Rivers, Governor Siminalayi Fubara has crossed into the All Progressives Congress. In Osun, Governor Ademola Adeleke has moved to the Accord Party. These are not small shifts. These are moves by people at the top of their political careers, people who ordinarily should be the ones holding their parties together. When those at the highest levels start fleeing, it means the ground beneath them has become too shaky to stand on. It means something has broken.

Advertisement

A Yoruba proverb captures it perfectly: Iku to n pa oju gba eni, owe lo n pa fun ni. The death that visits your neighbour is sending you a message. The crisis that has engulfed the Peoples Democratic Party did not start today. It has been building like an untreated infection. Adeleke saw the signs early. He watched senior figures fight openly. He watched the party fail to resolve its zoning battles. He watched leaders undermine their own candidates. At some point, you begin to ask yourself a simple question: if this house collapses today, what happens to me? In Osun, where the competition between the two major parties has always been fierce, Adeleke was not going to sit back and become another casualty of a party that refused to heal itself. Survival became the most reasonable option.

His case makes sense when you consider the political temperature in Osun. This is a state where the opposition does not sleep. Every misstep is amplified. Every weakness is exploited. Adeleke has spent his time in office under constant scrutiny. Add that to the fact that the national structure of his party is wobbly, divided and uncertain about its future, and the move begins to look less like betrayal and more like self-preservation.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Wike’s Verbal Diarrhea And Military Might

Advertisement

Rivers, however, tells a slightly different story. Fubara’s journey has been a long lesson in endurance. From the moment he emerged as governor, it became clear he was stepping into an environment loaded with expectations that had nothing to do with governance. His political godfather was not content with being a supporter. He wanted control. He wanted influence. He wanted obedience. Every decision was interpreted through the lens of loyalty. From the assembly crisis to the endless reconciliation meetings, to the barely hidden power struggles, Fubara spent more time fighting shadows than building the state he was elected to lead.

It soon became clear that he was governing through a maze of minefields. Those who should have been allies began to treat him like an accidental visitor in the Government House. The same legislators who were meant to be partners in governance suddenly became instruments of pressure. Orders came from places outside the official structure. Courtrooms turned into battlegrounds. At some point, even the national leadership of his party seemed unsure how to tame the situation. These storms did not come in seasons, they came in waves. One misunderstanding today. Another in two weeks. Another by the end of the month. Anyone watching closely could see that the governor was in a permanent state of emergency.

So when the winds started shifting again and lawmakers began to realign, those who understood the undercurrents knew exactly what was coming. Fubara knew too. A man can only take so much. After months of attacks, humiliations and attempts to cage his authority, the move to another party was not just political. It was personal. He had given the reconciliation process more chances than most would. He had swallowed more insults than any governor should. He had watched institutions bend and twist under the weight of private interests. In many ways, his defection is a declaration that he has finally chosen to protect himself.

Advertisement

But the bigger question is how we got here. How did two governors in two different parts of the country end up taking the same decision for different but related reasons? The answer goes back to the state of internal democracy in our parties. No party in Nigeria today fully practices the constitution it claims to follow. They have elaborate rules on paper but very loose habits in reality. They talk about fairness, but their primaries are often messy. They preach unity, but their caucuses are usually divided into rival camps. They call themselves democratic institutions, yet dissent is treated as disloyalty.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Nigerian Leaders And The Tragedy Of Sudden Riches

Political parties are supposed to be the engine rooms of democracy. They are the homes where ideas are debated, leaders are groomed, and future candidates are shaped. In Nigeria, they increasingly look like fighting arenas where the loudest voices drown out everyone else. When leaders ignore their own constitutions, the structure begins to crack. When factions begin to run parallel meetings, the foundation gets weaker. When decisions are forced down the throats of members, people begin making private plans for their future.

Advertisement

No governor wants to govern in chaos. No politician wants to be the last one standing in a sinking ship. This is why defections are becoming more common. A party that cannot manage itself cannot manage its members. And members who feel exposed will always look for safer ground.

But while these moves make sense for Adeleke and Fubara personally, the people they govern often become the ones left in confusion. Voters choose candidates partly because of party ideology, even if our ideologies are weak. They expect stability. They expect continuity. They expect that the mandate they gave will remain intact. So when a governor shifts political camp without prior consultation, the people feel blindsided. They begin to wonder whether their votes carry weight in a system where elected officials can switch platforms in the blink of an eye.

This is where the politics of survival becomes dangerous for democracy. If leaders keep prioritizing their personal safety over party stability, the system begins to lose coherence. Parties lose their identity. Elections lose their meaning. Governance becomes a game of musical chairs. Today you are here. Tomorrow you are there. Next week you may be somewhere else. The people become bystanders in a democracy that is supposed to revolve around them.

Advertisement

Rivers and Osun should serve as reminders that political parties need urgent restructuring. They need to rebuild trust internally. They need to enforce their constitutions consistently. They need to treat members as stakeholders, not spectators. When members feel protected, they stay. When they feel targeted, they run. This pattern will continue until parties learn the simple truth that power is not built by intimidation, but by inclusion.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:The Audacity Of Hope: Super Eagles And Our Faltering Political Class

There is also the question of what these defections mean for governance. When governors are dragged into endless party drama, service delivery suffers. Time that should be spent on roads, schools, hospitals, water projects and job creation ends up being spent in meetings, reconciliations and press briefings. Resources that should strengthen the state end up funding political battles. The public loses twice. First as witnesses to the drama. Then as victims of delayed or abandoned development.

Advertisement

In Rivers, the months of tension slowed down the government. Initiatives were stalled because the governor was busy trying to survive political ambush. In Osun, Adeleke had to juggle governance with internal fights in a crumbling party structure. Imagine what they could have achieved if they were not constantly looking over their shoulders.

Now, as both men settle into new political homes, the final question is whether these new homes will provide stability or merely temporary shelter. Nigeria’s politics teaches one consistent lesson. New alliances often come with new expectations. New platforms often come with new demands. And new godfathers often come with new conditions. Whether Adeleke and Fubara have truly found peace or simply bought time is something only time will tell.

But as citizens, what we must insist on is simple. The politics of survival should not become the politics of abandonment. Our leaders can fight for their political life, but they must not forget that they hold the people’s mandate. The hunger, poverty, insecurity and infrastructural decay that Nigerians face will not be solved by defection. It will be solved by steady leadership and functional governance.

Advertisement

The bigger lesson from Rivers and Osun is clear. If political parties in Nigeria continue on this path of disunity and internal sabotage, they will keep losing their brightest and most strategic figures. And if leaders keep running instead of reforming the system, then we will wake up one day to a democracy where the people are treated as an afterthought.

Governors may survive the storms. Parties may adjust to new alignments. But the people cannot keep paying the price. Nigeria deserves a democracy that works for the many, not the few. That is the real pulse of the nation.

Advertisement
Continue Reading

News

Human Rights Day: Stakeholders Call For More Campaigns Against GBV

Published

on

Panel of discussants at an event to commemorate the International Human Rights Day, 2025 on Wednesday called for more campaigns against Gender-Based Violence, adding that it must start from the family.

The panel of discussants drawn from religious and community leaders, security agents, members of the civil society community, chiefs, etc, made the call in Benin in an event organised by Justice Development & Peace Centre (JDPC), Benin, in collaboration with Women Aid Collective (WACOL) with the theme: Multilevel Dialogue for Men, Women, Youth and Critical Take holders on the Prevention and Response to Gender-Based Violence (GBV).

The stakeholders, who said causes of GBV are enormous, called for more enlightenment and education in the family, community and the religious circle.

Advertisement

Security agents in the panel charged members of the public to report GBV cases to security agents regardless of the sex Involved, adding: “When GBV happens, it should be reported to the appropriate quarters. It doesn’t matter if the woman or the man is the victim. GBV perpetrators should not be covered up, they must be exposed. We are there to carry out the prosecution after carrying out the necessary investigation.”

READ ALSO:World Human Rights Day: CSO Tasks Govt On Protection Of Lives

Earlier in his opening remarks, Executive Director, JDPC, Rev. Fr. Benedicta Onwugbenu, lamented that (GBV) remains the most prevalent in the society yet hidden because of silence from victims.

Advertisement

According to him, GBV knows no age, gender or race, adding that “It affects people of all ages, whether man or woman, boy or girl.”

It affects people from different backgrounds and communities, yet it remains hidden because of silence, stigma, and fear. Victims of GBV are suffering in silence.”

On her part, Programme Director, WACOL, Mrs. Francisca Nweke, who said “women are more affected, and that is why we are emphasising on them,” stressed “we are empowering Christian women and women leaders of culture for prevention and response to Gender-Based Violence in Nigeria through the strengthening of grassroots organisations.”

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending