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OPINION: Pounding Yams On Stubborn Bald Heads

Published

5 months ago

June 6, 2025

Tunde Odesola

Jonathan Love and Taylor Steele are Americans. They are also my buddies at work. Jonathan is black; Taylor is white. The three of us could have perished in a ghastly auto accident on the morning of Tuesday, June 3, 2025, with me behind the wheel. “I need a dip, soda and sausage biscuit,” Taylor said with the expectation of a farmer on a rainy day. “I need soda and a sausage biscuit,” Jonathan stated assuredly like a pilot on a fine-weather day. So, I pulled off the highway into a gas station, and the two hopped out like students returning to school after a long holiday.

Drenching sugar, dripping salt and embalming preservatives; oh, how I dislike fast foods! The US, statistics say, devours more sugar than any other nation on God’s spinning earth. Rather than eat fast food, I’ll snack on rat neutraliser – I don’t want to say poison. I mean, I prefer home-made meals, anytime.

While Jonathan and Taylor were gone, I reached for my phone and entered the fray of modern distraction – Facebook, the ‘bolekaja’ of social media. ‘Bolekaja’ is a Yoruba slang for ‘alight, let’s fight’ – a fitting name for a platform whose oxygen is argument.

None of the drama in the
‘Bolekaja’ was interesting, so I migrated to WhatsApp. WhatsApp is the ‘Face Me–I–Slap You’ apartment of social media, where you’re safe in your room, but the moment you step out to mingle, you could be hit by anything.

A banker friend in the UK, Adeola Ojo, had sent me some skits on WhatsApp. I was watching one of the skits when Taylor opened the passenger door and sat beside me in the front while we waited for Jonathan. Taylor is in the habit of peeking at people’s phones, but I don’t mind. Mouth-watering Nigerian foods were on parade in the skit I was watching when Taylor got in the car. Some of the sumptuous meals being scooped into colourful plates came with orisirisi combinations: amala, gbegiri and ewedu swirling like a brown-and-green river; edika ikong cuddling fufu; eba serenading afang; moin moin hugging eko; cocoyam blessing bitterleaf soup; semo in tête-à-tête with oha; and ikokore – the secret of wateryam discovered by the Ijebu, rich and irresistible…while Taylor peeped away at my phone.

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Then the wooden spoon scooped three large portions of snow-white pounded yam into a bowl, and Taylor, mouth ajar and mind afar, shouted, “Oh! Ice cream!” Yes, he screamed. If I were on the highway when he said that, only mercy could have sent us back to the land of the living from the gates of heaven.

Thank God we three got back to work in one piece. Thank God none of us took temporary accommodation in the morgue, pending autopsy, en route to burial. Thank God, no one was injured. Thank God! Thank God!

Taylor asked me why I was reeling with laughter, I couldn’t explain to him because he would not understand; yam is not an American staple. So, how would he understand pounded yam? I just laughed and laughed for it was the only thing I could do; oro buruku tohun, terin – gloom accommodates laughter. Since I was a kid, I had learnt that when yam transmutes, it becomes pounded yam – isu parada, o d’iyan; but here I am, America is teaching me something different.

When one arrives at work, one must work: ti a ba de ibi ise, a ma n se ni, says a wise saying from my roots. In African culture, labour is sacred, it’s not just a meal ticket. Be you a farmer, hunter, fisherman, weaver, herbalist – no matter the work you do, there’s dignity in your labour.

But there are some jobs I can never, ever do. The topmost of such jobs is the work of Abobaku – the one who is buried with the king. I cannot come and die with any king o. Ah! Lai, lai! The Abobaku concept espoused in yesteryear Yoruba culture leans more on class manipulation and superiority complex than preservation of cosmic balance.

In “Death and the King’s Horseman,” Nobel laureate Wole Soyinka, explores the themes of death, betrayal, cultural identity, duty, colonialism, disruption, metaphysics, etc when Elesin – the Abobaku in the play – refuses to be buried with the king.

Sadly, the royal manipulation of ancient times has transmogrified into political and religious manipulation today, with many political zombies dying for their godfathers and spiritual fathers. This is evident in the way millions of PSP – Poverty-Stricken People – stupidly support some politicians whose actions have worsened poverty in the land. It also accounts for why some religious leaders would sell bulletproof vests to their adherents while the Papas and Mamas go about in bulletproof vehicles.

I’m yet to find a description worse than national shame the manner the Bola Tinubu administration celebrated the mouthed completion of 30 kilometers of the 750km Lagos-Calabar coastal highway. Adults who dance on the streets, celebrating four percent as a pass mark, should be chained to the iroko tree, lest they stray into the market.

Religious manipulation has produced a multitude of fake pastors like David Ibiyeo-Money and Jeremiah Funfeyin, Idabosky, etc as well as their Muslim counterparts, who preach exploitative doctrines to yoke their gullible followers with fear and guilt, making them part with their money easily.

Another job I can never do, even if it pays $10m per month is the job of an ìwèfà . In ancient Yoruba times, an ìwèfà was the young male who catered to the needs of the king’s harem. To forestall cross-pollination and pollution of the blue bloodline, the ìwèfà is castrated. Slaves were mostly picked for this job. The ìwèfà is preserved to preserve the king’s pleasure. He’s the cockless cock that craves the corn in a bottle.

Moses saw the Promised Land, but he didn’t enter it with the Israelites. May that not be our portion. I can never take up the job of security official during football matches, backing the field of play while action is ongoing, and watching whether some delirious fan is going to run onto the field. In the UEFA Champions League final played at the Munich Football Arena, Munich, Germany, between PSG and Inter Milan, many stadium security officials backed the pitch and watched the fans to ensure crowd control. To back the field and watch jubilating fans celebrating or mourning the 5-0 worsting of Inter by a merciless PSG side was to suffer a fate similar to that of an ìwèfà.

There are three jobs I covet. I’ve been praying to God to give me the three jobs at the same time. The first is the job of Alhaji Abdullahi Ganduje, the hardworking national chairman of the All Progressives Congress. When I get the job, I’ll be doing absolutely nothing but just busy myself with sewing many starched agbada with pockets large enough to stuff dollars and an elephant.

The second job is that of the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike. In the office, I will be croaking and causing wahala in my state, Osun, trampling on the skulls and limbs of the living and the dead, like a crazed cow in a china shop. So simple.

The third job is by no means easier than the first two. It’s the job of the Governor of Osun State, currently held by Asiwaju Jackson Nurudeen Ademola Adeleke. On the job, I’ll work hard, eat, sleep and dance to every sound like ikoto, the spinning toy, which staggers left and right, struggling hard to stay upright by itself without support. I’ll change my first name to Ajobiewe.

But there’s one job I’m unqualified to take because of my ancestry. It’s the job of the King of Iwo. However, I dare to say I’m not a US ex-convict like the present occupier of the stool, Oba Abdulrasheed Adekanbi. If I were the Oluwo, I wouldn’t have opened my mouth to tell the world that I wish to be called the Alaafin of Iwo because I know the title of the Alaafin was only a nickname that eventually became the main name. The actual title of the ruler of Oyo was Oloyo of Oyo, according to world-renowned Ifa scholar and priest, Chief Ifayemi Elebuibon.

In a telephone interview with me, Elebuibon said, “The name of the ruler of Oyo in ancient times was Olóyo Òrò-mòko (the powerful owner of Oyo Òrò who drinks pap) or Oba Eleyo Ajori Aje Olu Eni Gbara (the king who eats choice dishes cooked with shea butter).”

If I were the Oluwo, I would be content with my title, Oluwo, which means the god or lord of Iwo (Oluwa Iwo), instead of seeking the title, Alaafin, whose literal meaning – owner of a palace – is not as powerful as Oluwo.

Also, I will not rant in a viral video that Iwo was never under Ibadan when Ibadan had a standing army that defended Yoruba land, which included Iwo, against Fulani incursion. If I were the Oluwo, I’d keep my mouth shut and not belch when needless.

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

News

NDLEA Intercepts Drugs Concealed In Frozen Snails, Electrical Bulbs

Published

1 hour ago

October 19, 2025

Editor

Operatives of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency have intercepted consignments of illicit drugs concealed in frozen snails, electrical bulbs, and female clothes bound for the United States, the United Kingdom, and the Democratic Republic of Congo.

According to a statement released on Sunday by the agency’s spokesperson, Femi Babafemi, the interceptions were made at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport and a courier company in Lagos.

Babafemi said two suspects have been arrested in connection with the seizures.

“One of them, a cargo agent Boladale Riliwan, was arrested on October 7, 2025, following the discovery of 15 parcels of skunk, a strain of cannabis, concealed in 10 pieces of giant rechargeable electrical bulbs he presented in a carton for airfreight to the Democratic Republic of Congo at the export shed of the Lagos airport,” Babafemi added.

Babafemi said another suspect, a 48-year-old UK-based public health assistant, Olawale Hakeemot, was arrested on October 12 at the departure hall of Terminal 2 of the MMIA, Ikeja.

He said she was found with 2,300 pills of tramadol 225mg concealed in frozen snails while attempting to board a Qatar Airways flight to Manchester, United Kingdom.

“Attempt by another syndicate to export 810 pills of bromazepam hidden in female clothes going to the United States was also thwarted by NDLEA officers at a courier company in Lagos on Thursday, 16th October,” he added.

In Adamawa State, Babafemi said operatives intercepted a suspect, Bello Buba, at an NDLEA checkpoint in Namtari, Yola South Local Government Area, with 38,270 pills of tramadol concealed in the spare tyre, boot, and door compartments of his Honda Civic.

News

PSC Reviews Disciplinary Cases, Reinstates Dismissed Police Officers

Published

3 hours ago

October 19, 2025

Editor

The Police Service Commission has reinstated some police officers who had been punished after reviewing a series of disciplinary cases.

The commission said no fewer than 24 appeals and one pending disciplinary matter were deliberated on during its plenary.

A statement on Sunday by the PSC spokesperson, Ikechukwu Ani, said the decisions were aimed at ensuring fairness and justice in police disciplinary administration.

Among the officers reinstated was ACP Ejiofor Grace Obiageli, who had been compulsorily retired following an incident on September 8, 2023, at Old Netim Division, Akamkpa, Cross River State.

“The Commission approved her reinstatement from the date of her compulsory retirement and to be properly placed so as to be at par with her mates,” Ani added.

Ani also said the commission freed ACP Muhammad Yunusa from a punishment of severe reprimand, restored the rank of CSP Ihekandu Okwuonu, and reinstated him, subject to his date of retirement.

“The Commission also freed ACP Muhammad Awwal Yunusa from a punishment of severe Reprimand, restored the rank of CSP Ihekandu Allwell Okwuonu and reinstated him, but subject to his date of retirement.

“SP Clement Awoyemi got the Commission’s approval for adjustment of his date of reinstatement while ASP Bamiselu Oluwaseun, ASP Ahmed Monday and ASP Imoohi Doora were all reinstated,” he said.

Ani equally said the commission dismissed petitions against DIG Bzigu Dali, describing allegations of falsified records as frivolous.

“The Commission also noted that, as the exclusive body on Police Discipline, the warning letter issued to the officer, and which did not emanate from the Commission, was null and void. It also quashed the reversal of his date of birth from 10th of April 1967 to 10th of April 1966 through a signal”, he said.

Ani said the PSC Chairman, DIG Hashimu Argungu (retd), promised that the commission would continue to ensure that justice is served promptly in all disciplinary cases.

He noted that officers who are cleared of wrongdoing should not have their careers hindered by administrative delays or errors.

“The Commission will henceforth ensure that pending disciplinary matters are treated with despatch so that those found culpable are made to face the consequences while those exonerated are freed to continue with their career progression.

“The Commission will not at any time impede the career progression of any Officer who is not found guilty of any misdemeanour,” Argungu was quoted as saying.

Ani also said at the commencement of its second plenary meeting on Thursday, the Commission approved the promotion of several deserving officers, including the appointment of a new Deputy Inspector-General of Police and the promotion of one Commissioner of Police to the rank of Assistant Inspector-General.

Among those promoted were SP Omenihu Obinna, Commander, Anti-Cult Unit, Abia State Command; DSP Bankole Olajide Joseph, Commander, Bank Guard, Lagos State Command; and several others confirmed as Assistant Superintendents of Police, including Ede Stella Ukamaka of the Police Hospital, Awka, Anambra State; Omeife Bethrand Emeka of 45 PMF, Force Headquarters, Abuja; and Nnamdi Nwoba, O/C Surveillance, Ubakala Division, Abia State Command.

ASP Adeyemi Adeola, Chief of Staff to the Chairman of a Lagos State Task Force, was also promoted to the rank of DSP.

The reinstatements come amid the Police Service Commission’s ongoing efforts to restore confidence in its disciplinary processes and correct administrative injustices within the Nigeria Police Force.

The PUNCH reports that over the years, several officers have petitioned the commission over what they described as wrongful sanctions, arbitrary punishments, or flawed disciplinary proceedings.

News

Police Warn Against Protest In Aso Rock, Environs

Published

11 hours ago

October 19, 2025

Editor

The Nigeria Police Force has warned intending protesters, agitating for the release of Mazi Nnamdi Kalu, against any form of protest around the Aso Rock and its environs.

A statement by the Force Public Relations Officer, CSP Benjamin Hundeyin, in Abuja, said the warning followed an order of a Federal High Court, Abuja.

He said the court, in a suit between the Federal Republic of Nigeria v. Omoyele Sowore & 4 others, on Oct. 17, restrained any form of protest around the Aso Rock and its environs.

“The order restrains the respondents and any other persons or groups acting under their instruction from staging protests within and around Aso Rock Villa and its environs.

“Other areas are the National Assembly Complex, Force Headquarters, the Court of Appeal, Eagle Square and Shehu Shagari Way.

“Accordingly, all intending protesters and counter-protest groups are strongly advised to avoid restricted areas and to refrain from any act capable of provoking confrontation or disturbing public order,” he said.

The police spokesman said the force would ensure the free flow of traffic, protection of lives and property, and security of all law-abiding citizens.

According to him, any person or group that uses protests as cover to incite violence, carry or use offensive weapons, vandalise public or private property, kidnap, or engage in acts likely to cause loss of life or serious injury will be dealt with decisively.

He said offenders would be arrested, subjected to full investigation, and prosecuted under relevant criminal laws, including laws relating to public order, violent conduct and terrorism where applicable.

Hundeyin said those who incite others via social media or other platforms would be investigated and prosecuted, using digital evidence.

He said the Inspector-General of Police (I-G), Mr Kayode Egbetokun, had directed the Commissioner of Police (CP) in charge of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) and relevant operational commands to ensure strict enforcement of the court’s order.

Hundeyin said the I-G had directed the CP to maintain visible and strategic deployments across vulnerable locations, and ensure the safety of residents and lawful activities in the FCT.

He urged organisers of the protest and participants to avoid the restricted areas specified by the court and refrain from carrying weapons, engaging in provocative conduct, or encouraging others to breach the law.

Hundeyin also urged the protesters to channel their grievances through the courts and other lawful avenues rather than the streets.

The police spokesman said adequate security arrangements had been made to protect lives and property of law-abiding Nigerians.

He enjoined those, not engaging in the protest to go about their lawful businesses without fear as anyone found to be in breach of the court’s order or in contempt of the law and be arrested and prosecuted.