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OPINION: Pounding Yams On Stubborn Bald Heads
Published
3 weeks agoon
By
Editor
Tunde Odesola
Jonathan Love and Taylor Steele are Americans. They are also my buddies at work. Jonathan is black; Taylor is white. The three of us could have perished in a ghastly auto accident on the morning of Tuesday, June 3, 2025, with me behind the wheel. “I need a dip, soda and sausage biscuit,” Taylor said with the expectation of a farmer on a rainy day. “I need soda and a sausage biscuit,” Jonathan stated assuredly like a pilot on a fine-weather day. So, I pulled off the highway into a gas station, and the two hopped out like students returning to school after a long holiday.
Drenching sugar, dripping salt and embalming preservatives; oh, how I dislike fast foods! The US, statistics say, devours more sugar than any other nation on God’s spinning earth. Rather than eat fast food, I’ll snack on rat neutraliser – I don’t want to say poison. I mean, I prefer home-made meals, anytime.
While Jonathan and Taylor were gone, I reached for my phone and entered the fray of modern distraction – Facebook, the ‘bolekaja’ of social media. ‘Bolekaja’ is a Yoruba slang for ‘alight, let’s fight’ – a fitting name for a platform whose oxygen is argument.
None of the drama in the
‘Bolekaja’ was interesting, so I migrated to WhatsApp. WhatsApp is the ‘Face Me–I–Slap You’ apartment of social media, where you’re safe in your room, but the moment you step out to mingle, you could be hit by anything.
A banker friend in the UK, Adeola Ojo, had sent me some skits on WhatsApp. I was watching one of the skits when Taylor opened the passenger door and sat beside me in the front while we waited for Jonathan. Taylor is in the habit of peeking at people’s phones, but I don’t mind. Mouth-watering Nigerian foods were on parade in the skit I was watching when Taylor got in the car. Some of the sumptuous meals being scooped into colourful plates came with orisirisi combinations: amala, gbegiri and ewedu swirling like a brown-and-green river; edika ikong cuddling fufu; eba serenading afang; moin moin hugging eko; cocoyam blessing bitterleaf soup; semo in tête-à-tête with oha; and ikokore – the secret of wateryam discovered by the Ijebu, rich and irresistible…while Taylor peeped away at my phone.
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Then the wooden spoon scooped three large portions of snow-white pounded yam into a bowl, and Taylor, mouth ajar and mind afar, shouted, “Oh! Ice cream!” Yes, he screamed. If I were on the highway when he said that, only mercy could have sent us back to the land of the living from the gates of heaven.
Thank God we three got back to work in one piece. Thank God none of us took temporary accommodation in the morgue, pending autopsy, en route to burial. Thank God, no one was injured. Thank God! Thank God!
Taylor asked me why I was reeling with laughter, I couldn’t explain to him because he would not understand; yam is not an American staple. So, how would he understand pounded yam? I just laughed and laughed for it was the only thing I could do; oro buruku tohun, terin – gloom accommodates laughter. Since I was a kid, I had learnt that when yam transmutes, it becomes pounded yam – isu parada, o d’iyan; but here I am, America is teaching me something different.
When one arrives at work, one must work: ti a ba de ibi ise, a ma n se ni, says a wise saying from my roots. In African culture, labour is sacred, it’s not just a meal ticket. Be you a farmer, hunter, fisherman, weaver, herbalist – no matter the work you do, there’s dignity in your labour.
But there are some jobs I can never, ever do. The topmost of such jobs is the work of Abobaku – the one who is buried with the king. I cannot come and die with any king o. Ah! Lai, lai! The Abobaku concept espoused in yesteryear Yoruba culture leans more on class manipulation and superiority complex than preservation of cosmic balance.
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In “Death and the King’s Horseman,” Nobel laureate Wole Soyinka, explores the themes of death, betrayal, cultural identity, duty, colonialism, disruption, metaphysics, etc when Elesin – the Abobaku in the play – refuses to be buried with the king.
Sadly, the royal manipulation of ancient times has transmogrified into political and religious manipulation today, with many political zombies dying for their godfathers and spiritual fathers. This is evident in the way millions of PSP – Poverty-Stricken People – stupidly support some politicians whose actions have worsened poverty in the land. It also accounts for why some religious leaders would sell bulletproof vests to their adherents while the Papas and Mamas go about in bulletproof vehicles.
I’m yet to find a description worse than national shame the manner the Bola Tinubu administration celebrated the mouthed completion of 30 kilometers of the 750km Lagos-Calabar coastal highway. Adults who dance on the streets, celebrating four percent as a pass mark, should be chained to the iroko tree, lest they stray into the market.
Religious manipulation has produced a multitude of fake pastors like David Ibiyeo-Money and Jeremiah Funfeyin, Idabosky, etc as well as their Muslim counterparts, who preach exploitative doctrines to yoke their gullible followers with fear and guilt, making them part with their money easily.
Another job I can never do, even if it pays $10m per month is the job of an ìwèfà . In ancient Yoruba times, an ìwèfà was the young male who catered to the needs of the king’s harem. To forestall cross-pollination and pollution of the blue bloodline, the ìwèfà is castrated. Slaves were mostly picked for this job. The ìwèfà is preserved to preserve the king’s pleasure. He’s the cockless cock that craves the corn in a bottle.
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Moses saw the Promised Land, but he didn’t enter it with the Israelites. May that not be our portion. I can never take up the job of security official during football matches, backing the field of play while action is ongoing, and watching whether some delirious fan is going to run onto the field. In the UEFA Champions League final played at the Munich Football Arena, Munich, Germany, between PSG and Inter Milan, many stadium security officials backed the pitch and watched the fans to ensure crowd control. To back the field and watch jubilating fans celebrating or mourning the 5-0 worsting of Inter by a merciless PSG side was to suffer a fate similar to that of an ìwèfà.
There are three jobs I covet. I’ve been praying to God to give me the three jobs at the same time. The first is the job of Alhaji Abdullahi Ganduje, the hardworking national chairman of the All Progressives Congress. When I get the job, I’ll be doing absolutely nothing but just busy myself with sewing many starched agbada with pockets large enough to stuff dollars and an elephant.
The second job is that of the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike. In the office, I will be croaking and causing wahala in my state, Osun, trampling on the skulls and limbs of the living and the dead, like a crazed cow in a china shop. So simple.
The third job is by no means easier than the first two. It’s the job of the Governor of Osun State, currently held by Asiwaju Jackson Nurudeen Ademola Adeleke. On the job, I’ll work hard, eat, sleep and dance to every sound like ikoto, the spinning toy, which staggers left and right, struggling hard to stay upright by itself without support. I’ll change my first name to Ajobiewe.
But there’s one job I’m unqualified to take because of my ancestry. It’s the job of the King of Iwo. However, I dare to say I’m not a US ex-convict like the present occupier of the stool, Oba Abdulrasheed Adekanbi. If I were the Oluwo, I wouldn’t have opened my mouth to tell the world that I wish to be called the Alaafin of Iwo because I know the title of the Alaafin was only a nickname that eventually became the main name. The actual title of the ruler of Oyo was Oloyo of Oyo, according to world-renowned Ifa scholar and priest, Chief Ifayemi Elebuibon.
In a telephone interview with me, Elebuibon said, “The name of the ruler of Oyo in ancient times was Olóyo Òrò-mòko (the powerful owner of Oyo Òrò who drinks pap) or Oba Eleyo Ajori Aje Olu Eni Gbara (the king who eats choice dishes cooked with shea butter).”
If I were the Oluwo, I would be content with my title, Oluwo, which means the god or lord of Iwo (Oluwa Iwo), instead of seeking the title, Alaafin, whose literal meaning – owner of a palace – is not as powerful as Oluwo.
Also, I will not rant in a viral video that Iwo was never under Ibadan when Ibadan had a standing army that defended Yoruba land, which included Iwo, against Fulani incursion. If I were the Oluwo, I’d keep my mouth shut and not belch when needless.
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
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Tunde Odesola
When two or more words combine to form a new word, what you get is a compound word, which is also called a portmanteau. An example of a compound/portmanteau word is brunch – a combination of ‘breakfast’ and ‘lunch’; motel: ‘motor’ and ‘hotel’ – a roadside lodging where motorists park directly outside the rooms to rest; podcast is a word coined from ‘iPod’ and ‘broadcast’, just as sunlight is forged from ‘sun’ and ‘light’. Even the word ‘portmanteau’ itself is a portmanteau word, combining ‘porter’ (to carry) and ‘manteau’ (a cloak).
Did you know there’s a compound side to food? Come take a bite. A balanced diet is a healthy meal that nourishes the body with essential nutrients in the right proportions. Adalu is a Yoruba delicacy consisting of corn, beans, and palm oil, popular in Benin and Togo. Abula is a classic Yoruba soup of ewedu and gbegiri that caresses amala on the descent journey to the belly. Oyinbo people, too, have their own compound/portmanteau meals. They have croffle – a combination of croissant dough and waffle; meatza – a pizza crust made from meat; turducken – a roast dish consisting of a boned chicken inside a boned duck, which is placed inside a partially boned turkey.
Is my tale getting more delicious? Good! “Give me second base, jare,” Fela Anikulapo-Kuti would say when he diminuendoes his tune to change musical notes. I’m just about to change to the second base of this literary offering and enter into the underground spiritual game. Hahaha! Just sit back and enjoy, please.
Here we go. There’s a new compound meal in town. The new meal is a portmanteau of madness. It’s as disgusting as it’s disturbing. It’s crazy, irritating and sickening. It’s a food combination that the brainless are guzzling with gusto right now. It is Fufeyin, a meal of fufu and eyin. Eyin is a Yoruba word for egg – protein-rich, formerly a food on common plates, but now a permanent resident on the exclusive menu for executive plates. Fufu is the long-lasting starchy staple famous among the masses on 0-0-1 unsquared meal, enduring in the stomach from a.m. to p.m.
MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Pounding Yams On Stubborn Bald Heads
Fufeyin is the new opium for the brainless. It’s an unhygienic food combination that leads to acidic farts and watery gastronomic leaks. Fufeyin is a metaphor for moral rot – a symbolic dish served hot by deceivers to the devoutly daft. It’s the burnt offering rejected by God, but guzzled by the gullible, eyes shut, wallets open. The ‘fufu’ in Fufeyin symbolises a poverty background, the ‘eyin’ in it symbolises craze for wealth. Fufeyin is evil. Fufeyin is a meal made for the ignorant and the stupid by an irritating chef who doesn’t know how to light a stove.
Can we spare 60 seconds to talk about brains, please? It could be less. Let’s place a grown man on a spot marked ‘A’ and place an ant on a spot marked ‘B’. In the heads of the man and the ant, the brains are of different sizes. Having studied ants for more than five decades, the moniker, “Ant Man,” perches fittingly on the laurels of James Traniello, a professor of biology at Boston University. A 2023 publication, “BU’s ‘Ant Man’ studies Ant Brains,” published in Boston University’s digital research journal, The Brink, says Traniello’s work ‘raises questions about how both insect and mammalian brain sizes evolved and about the relationship between the size of the brain and how much energy it requires’.
In a 2020 publication in The Brink, “From Ant Brains, Seeking New Lessons about Human Behaviour and Society,” Traniello says, “Human brains weigh only about 3 pounds, but use about 20 per cent of our energy. Brains are also metabolically selfish, potentially capable of demanding energy dedicated to other organs.”
Science says an ant’s brain is remarkably large in proportion to its body size and sophisticated enough for navigation, swarm intelligence, efficiency, chemical communication, memory and colony coordination. The size of an ant’s brain is 0.01mm, which is 15 per cent of the body mass, with an estimated neuron count of 250,000.
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The human brain is about 2 per cent of total body mass, with an 86 billion neuron count and measuring 1,200 – 1,400 cm in size. The human brain has faculties for reasoning, language, memory, creativity, emotion and consciousness.
Traniello, whose research attracted a $1.5m grant, says, “Some types of ants even work together to cultivate and harvest mushrooms for food,” adding that, “Like humans, ants are known for their extraordinary collective intelligence. Cooperating groups are better at problem-solving than individuals in both human and ant societies.”
Although the human brain is far more complex than the ant’s brain, the actions of some people show that a human brain not put to proper use cannot compare with the brain of an ant. Indeed, the irritable way many Nigerians worship glaringly deceitful religious and political leaders, fawning over fake miracles and political promises, shows that an ant’s brain is far superior to some humans’ brains.
Probably the vacuity in humans was what King Solomon noticed when he offered that timeless piece of advice in the Book of Proverbs, chapter 6: verses 6-11: “6. Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! 7. It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, 8. yet it stores its provisions in summer, and gathers its food at harvest. 9. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? 10 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—11
And poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.”
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The Jewish Virtual Library says Solomon became the King of Israel in approximately 967 B.C.E, that is 2,991 years ago, yet he talks about the ants ‘gathering its food at harvest’, and Professor Traniello, in a 2020 research corroborates King Solomon, saying, “Some types of ants even work together to cultivate and HARVEST mushrooms for food.”
Because I’m not as wise as King Solomon and because I live in the digital age, I’ll depart from the ant metaphor and go after the spider and its web. The spider web holds a fascination for me because of its intriguing comparability with digital technology. So, watch me as I step onto the spider’s intricate web, gingerly avoiding the pitfalls of sticky strands.
Ssshhh! Silence! I’m on the cobweb now, trying to get my balance; it’s bouncy and shaky here, like walking on the slippery terrain of Nigeria. Ha! God, abeg o. Can you believe what I’m seeing? Ha!? So, spiders too write graffiti? Ise eniyan ni ise eranko o – humans behave like animals. Or perhaps worse. Wow, how lovely the spider writes! Can I read out some of the graffiti? OK. Here we go. “While ants build colonies and spiders design cobwebs, humans flock to charlatans selling spiritual fufu and eggs.” Wow! Word!
I can see more graffiti on the wobbly cobwebs. I’ll read them: “Fufeyin and co are a curse on humanity.” “Fufeyin will perish soon.” “There are a million Fufeyins littering different altars in Nigeria.”
Ise eniyan ni ise eranko o – humans and animals behave alike. That’s why life, like a cobweb, is a delicate weave – spun from dreams, sweat, fears, and faith. Like life, the cobweb glistens at its peak, masking its trap in its fragile form, lurking for the next victim. Wise up, brethren; Fufeyin is the trap, stop falling mugun.
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
News
Full List Of Schengen Countries Offering 5-yr Visa Programme
Published
11 hours agoon
June 26, 2025By
Editor
Nigerians with a strong travel history now have more incentive to explore European countries, thanks to the five-year multiple entry Schengen visa.
This long-term visa offers travelers the freedom to enter any of the 29 Schengen countries multiple times over five years: provided no stay exceeds 90 days within any 180-day window.
Designed primarily for frequent travelers, business professionals, and individuals with consistent international travel records, the visa eliminates the hassle of reapplying for short-term permits.
It reduces visa processing time, lowers application costs, and simplifies the documentation and interview requirements.
Approval for the five-year visa is still subject to the discretion of the issuing embassy or consulate.
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However, applicants with a higher likelihood of success typically meet one or more of the following criteria:
Previously held a multiple entry Schengen visa valid for at least two years within the past three years
Travel to Schengen countries at least two to three times a year
Demonstrated compliance with visa regulations, including no overstays and proper documentation
To boost their chances, applicants are expected to submit a compelling cover letter stating the purpose and need for long-term travel, show proof of financial stability, and provide valid long-term Schengen travel insurance.
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Eligible Countries under the Five-Year Schengen Visa
Holders of this visa can travel freely to the following 29 Schengen member states:
Austria
Belgium
Bulgaria
Croatia
Czech Republic
Denmark
Estonia
Finland
France
Germany
Greece
Hungary
Iceland
Italy
Latvia
Liechtenstein
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Malta
Netherlands
Norway
Poland
Portugal
Romania
Slovakia
Slovenia
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland
News
Aburi Accord: Foreign Powers Fueled Nigeria’s Civil War, Elder Statesman Replies Gowon
Published
11 hours agoon
June 26, 2025By
Editor
Elder statesman and president of the Osisioma Foundation, Dr. Chike Obidigbo, has highlighted the role of foreign powers, particularly Britain and certain corporate interests, in Nigeria’s civil war (1967–1970).
In a statement on Thursday, Obidigbo called on former Head of State, Retired General Yakubu Gowon, to use his remaining years to share the truth about the war and promote national healing.
The statement, issued by the Osisioma Foundation, responded to Gowon’s recent public comments about the failed Aburi Accord and the civil war, which Obidigbo described as inconsistent. He stressed the need for clarity on historical events to help promote national reconciliation.
Obidigbo noted that the collapse of the Aburi Accord, a key peace agreement, was influenced by external forces.
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“Though Gowon may not have wanted the war, forces beyond him, particularly British and Fulani interests, compelled him to plunge the country into conflict,” he stated.
He also revealed that Britain and Shell Petroleum had made secret offers to Lt. Colonel Emeka Odumegwu Ojukwu, the then-leader of the Eastern Region, to secede from Nigeria.
“Britain assured Ojukwu that they would talk Nigeria out of any plan to fight Biafra if Ojukwu agreed to secede. They even promised to pay him the huge arrears of royalties from Shell in case of any eventuality,” Obidigbo disclosed.
He stressed the importance of historical accountability, saying, “At his age, Gowon should be telling Nigerians the truth and nothing but the truth about the war. Until he makes these facts known through public confession, his soul may not experience peace.”
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Drawing parallels with contemporary global issues, Obidigbo stated, “It is ironic that the same British that caused total genocide and blockade against Biafra are now crying out that Israel is visiting genocide on Palestinians.”
He urged Gowon to document his experiences honestly, following the example of former Military President Ibrahim Babangida, who recently released his autobiography.
“Instead of reopening old wounds, Gowon should use his remaining days to contribute to a truthful historical record that fosters national unity,” Obidigbo advised.
The elder statesman called for national reconciliation, urging leaders to prioritize peace and unity.
“Nigerians need to hear the truth about what transpired so that we can heal and move forward as a nation,” he said.
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