Connect with us

News

OPINION: Protesters Of The North [Monday Lines]

Published

on

By Lasisi Olagunju

They did what locusts do to farms. They spared almost nothing. They ate road slabs, pilfered roofs and stole ceilings. They attacked and looted at least one mosque – and at least one church. They hammered concrete slabs and squeezed out of them iron rods for sale. Well-paved roads suffered their anger because the beauty of the asphalt offended them. In a library, they stole dustbins and spared books. Trash is valuable, book is worthless. They attacked public and private buildings; they looted doors, wrenched windows off their hinges and stole installed tiles. They are the perfect proof of what the unbuilt child will ultimately do to well-built structures.

The sickest, scariest part of the world is our North. In his inaugural address on January 20, 1961, American president, John F. Kennedy, issued a warning which talks directly to today’s Nigeria, particularly the North. He said: “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich”. The out-of-school children in our North are in multiples of millions; they are the death of Nigeria and its elite. Their hunger unleashed a maelstrom of destruction on every part of that region last week, forcing the various states there to declare 24-hour curfews. The round-the-clock curfews remained active at the weekend but the rampaging genies stayed stubbornly out of the bottle. Some of the protesters were said to be with Russian flags on Saturday in Kano. What do they really want?

Advertisement

“The children that came out did not even demand anything other than to break offices and attack police,” Governor Uba Sani of Kaduna State told Arise News on Thursday night. I don’t think that truth is the truth. In Daura, they did zanga zanga and massed at General Muhammadu Buhari’s house. They went with a message. In Sokoto, they carried leaves, put their anger on the boil and massed at the palace of Sultan Sa’ad Abubakar. They went there with a message that threatens democracy.

Russia ‘rules’ in Niger Republic and media reports said some protesters in Kano were seen waving Russian flags. What is incongruous in that? Were we not told repeatedly that there is no recognized boundary between Niger Republic and Nigeria’s border communities? The NSCDC in Kano at the weekend complained that aliens, particularly Nigeriens, were among arrested protesters in Kano. I read that and asked what was wrong in citizens of Niger Republic lending a helping hand in bringing down their brother’s Wall of Jericho. Where were the security forces when the government of Niger Republic publicly interfered in our elections in 2019? Or have we forgotten that two governors from that country — Issa Moussa of Zinder and Zakiri Umar of Maradi — were part of those who came and campaigned for Buhari in Kano in January 2019 for his reelection? The alien governors came, wore APC attires, and members of the APC presidential campaign team in Kano celebrated and feted them.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Protest, Dangote And Other Stories [Monday Lines]

Advertisement

Today’s president of Nigeria. Bola Tinubu, was the national leader of the APC when that brazen misadventure happened. I can’t remember hearing what he said against it. Abdullahi Ganduje, Tinubu’s party chairman today, was the Kano State governor who hosted those aliens. The Nigerian government celebrated the meddlesome interlopers in photographs wearing Pepsodent smiles. Thoughtful Nigerians loudly complained against that foreign interference; opposition PDP chairman, Uche Secondus, asked INEC to sanction APC and Buhari for that misadventure. “They came with monies and mercenaries to influence elections in Nigeria,” Secondus shouted. INEC promptly replied him: “Their presence does not violate the constitution.” Case closed – that time. Now, the Nigerien chicken has roamed back home to roost. The ruling people and their agents should just shut up and lick their wounds.

The president made a broadcast on Sunday (yesterday). He spoke with the chord of Lizard who fell from the top of the Iroko tree and shook its head: If no one praises me, I praise myself. Did he say anything on the painfully sore soles of Nigerians? If he did, I missed it. He will probably address that in his next broadcast.

Someone should tell the president that what he said on Sunday was what the Hausa man calls dogo turenchi (long grammar). The broadcast showed that Tinubu’s understanding of what Nigerians are going through is zero. He spoke about the #EndBadGovernance protest being some people’s political agenda. If there is indeed an agenda, it must be secondary to the real rebellion of the belly going on. My people say malevolent medicines don’t work unless believable stories are woven round the spell (ejo ni aa ro fun oogun ki o to je). There would not be popular support for the protest if there was no general anguish in town. The hundreds on the street are (were) those who had the strength to go out; the millions who are at home are even more trenchant in their protest. What they say are not prayers. The president needs to go out, feel the street and do another broadcast.

Advertisement

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Protestant Greeks in Abuja [Monday Lines]

If what you eat is exhausted, you go for what is classed as taboo. That proverb sounds like what a leader of the French Revolution, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, said about the last option of the hungry: “When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich (Quand le peuple n’aura plus rien à manger, il mangera le riche).” From one end of the street to the other, a scary video shows children of the North blasting slabs fittingly placed on gutters, scavenging for iron rods. They did it with uncommonly calm fury, daring the state.

A government ICT centre in Kano was invaded and stripped of all its assets. Children without basic education can’t appreciate computers and their possibilities. There is a lesson there for our policy makers. First things first.

Advertisement

Kaduna’s Governor Sani said more: “If you look at the developmental indices, I made it clear to everyone last week that as far back as 2016 in the northwest part of Nigeria, there was nothing but kidnappings and banditry. We have found ourselves in this problem because of the lack of seriousness of the leaders, including myself.” That was a very candid admission of complicity in the tragedy that has unfurled in the north. Sani added that everyone in northern Nigeria who held a leadership position, including the business community, should reflect on why over 70 percent of adults are financially excluded, why 65 percent of people are living below the poverty line, and why 70 percent of Nigeria’s 18.3 million out-of-school children are domiciled in the north. “That is why, if you look at the protest today, most of the states that participated are from northern Nigeria…” the governor said.

That Kaduna where Governor Sani sits was where the maker of the North, Alhaji Ahmadu Bello, the Sardauna of Sokoto, sat and made a very sound difference in the lives of his people. Sardauna’s biographer, John Paden, says when Bello was a mere councillor in charge of the Sokoto districts, he ensured that “education was the key.” When he became the premier, he held on to that conviction that the system must run well in such a way that “there was no resentment from below.” Paden adds: “The Sardauna felt that if this system broke down, the whole of the society would break down.” What the Sardauna feared has happened. The system he built has broken down. Governor Sani said so. The fury on the streets of the North is the confirmation.

On Saturday, Borno State governor, Professor Babagana Umara Zulum, expressed shock over what he called the involvement of children in the protests in his state. He said over 95 percent of the protesters were under 14. To him, most of the children were unaware of the reasons behind their actions. He said the situation was “astonishing”. “It’s astonishing to see a six-year-old child carrying a placard. They must have been directed by someone.” Many of the children, he said, were not from Borno State. So, where did they come from? Were the unknown ones from Niger or Chad? The governor needs to tell us.

Advertisement

How many children of Borno do Borno and its governor know? Some people’s blessings are as limitless as the waters of the Atlantic. Children of northern Nigeria compete with the sands of the desert in matters of number. Sometimes you are tempted to ask what music they listen to in that very expansive clime?

Queen of songs, Onyeka Onwenu, died last week; God bless her sweet soul. With King Sunny Ade in 1989, Onyeka did a duet on life and the need to plan it well. They labelled the album ‘Wait For Me.’ The song suggests that if your loin is virile enough to sire a million children, your hands must be strong enough to make billions to feed them. You can’t have “plenty children” and offload their care to society. The duo sings that a nation can’t have sad families and still be a happy country. They sing:

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Ilorin And Dan Fodio’s Deadstock [Monday Lines (1)]

Advertisement

Having babies, no be joke oh,

You go feed them

You go give them cloth

Advertisement

Bring them up too…

If you never ready to carry the load

Why put am for another person head?…

Advertisement

Plenty children dey, but no food to eat

Oh my friend, this kain life na so so wahala…

King Sunny Ade and Onyeka Onwenu are not done. They also have these lines which are even more national in aim:

Advertisement

Happy parents, na happy children

Happy family na happy country…

If you love life, you go plan am well…

Advertisement

The album is 35 years old. Nothing has changed since it was released. Indeed, if you sing that Sunny Ade/Onyeka Onwenu song in the north, you are not likely to escape the sanctimonious sanctions of the leaders there. The singers sang nonsense, they would say. When families are wracked by hunger and anger, a million presidential broadcasts will not make patriots of them. “Happy family na happy country” The streets of Nigeria, north and south, are full of sad children of hunger and daring kids of anger. It is apparently worse in the North. The Almajirai who used to live on leftovers can’t get leftovers again. Everyone who still can afford some food is sticking to rations that serve their hunger. No excess food for excess children. The problem is real.

Nigerians are very hungry but it appears the North is hungrier. It will be hungry. Because of the choices it made yesterday, it can’t go to the farm today, can’t go to the stream to fetch water; the willing among them can’t go school. When you add mass hunger to mass illiteracy, you get perfect poison. Thunder claps of hunger are celting the stomach of Nigeria and there is no rescuing the afflicted. No country has what we have as street children in northern Nigeria and knows peace. It is not possible.

Like it happened in France of 1793, we’ve just heard a no for the very influential religious authority in northern Nigeria. The North’s feudal hierarchy, its autocracy and the clergy lost the street. The Ulama lost their command; the emirs lost their mane. The two lethal groups failed to convince the hungry that what they were feeling was politics and not hunger. The result, sadly, is the free reign of terror in that realm. If it was pupils of Muslim clerics that raged into a mosque and sacked the worship house from ceiling to floor, then the mallams should beware. Their domesticated lions have matured; the hungry cats want the wild and the food it offers.

Advertisement

There were protests also in the South – particularly in the South-West. Everyone who lives there should thank the protesters for staying the course peacefully. We should thank the state governments, particularly the governors of highly combustible Oyo, Osun, and Lagos, for not sleeping on duty and for fencing off their states from violence. We should also thank the police and other security forces in these states for not craving the taste of blood.

The biggest casualties of the protest in Yoruba land are, however, the pro-government political elite to whom double standards is honourable. They shaved clean the head of Agbe, bird of the creeks; they scraped clean the hairs of Àlùkò, bird of the desert; when it was the turn of their own bird, Àtíòro, they said their blade had lost its sharp edge. There is one word for that behaviour in Yoruba – it is Àgàbàgebè. We wait to see how they will find their vociferous voice again after this era.

Advertisement

News

I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

Published

on

The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.

Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.

His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.

Advertisement

It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.

READ ALSO:Trump To Receive Full Menu Of Options To Stop Nigeria Genocide – US Rep, Moore

The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.

Advertisement

Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.

I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”

Advertisement
Continue Reading

News

OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

Published

on

By Lasisi Olagunju

Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?

I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?

Advertisement

What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.

Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.

Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.

Advertisement

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:

“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”

Advertisement

America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:

“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”

Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?

Advertisement

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: ‘Federal Highways of Horror’

“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.

“Where is anywhere?”

Advertisement

It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.

I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!

It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).

Advertisement

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Ofala: Glo And An Invite From Agbogidi

I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.

As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.

Advertisement

So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.

We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.

So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.

Advertisement
Continue Reading

News

OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

Published

on

By Lasisi Olagunju

Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!

It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.

Advertisement

They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.

I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.

Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.

Advertisement

In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).

In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.

In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).

Advertisement

In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.

Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.

We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.

Advertisement

President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.

Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Escaping From Nigeria

Advertisement

We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.

Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.

In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.

Advertisement

Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.

Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:

Gerere,

Advertisement

Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,

Gerere…

(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).

Advertisement

People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION Generals, Marabouts And Boko Haram

I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?

Advertisement

‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.

Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”

Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.

Advertisement

Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.

I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.

The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.

Advertisement

A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: ‘Federal Highways of Horror’

This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,

Advertisement

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,…”

Advertisement

Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?

Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.

The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.

Advertisement

This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.

In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:

“Last scene of all,

Advertisement

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

Advertisement

For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:

“The final stage of life

that ends this strange and eventful journey

Advertisement

is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;

without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”

The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending