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OPINION: Tinubu, Scrap The Scam

By Suyi Ayodele
It is not enough to suspend that minister who (attempted) to post half a billion naira public funds into a private account. Sacking her won’t even be enough. Put another person in that ministry, you will get the same result. The thing to do is to stop the bleeding by scrapping the ministry and its associated tributaries. They are a scam, designed to be so. I am a good student of the 18th century poet, Alexander Pope. In one of his ‘beatitudes’, the poet pens: “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” This is exactly my attitude to the statement by the Minister of Information and National Orientation, Mohammed Idris, that President Bola Ahmed Tinubu would take appropriate action “to ensure that any breaches and infractions are identified and decisively punished, in line with the administration’s commitment to public accountability and due process”, in the corruption-infested Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation. Rather than wonder when President Tinubu began to wear the garments of “public accountability and due process”, I would rather ask, like the people of yore asked their deity that could not save them from disasters, that this government scraps the scams known as the National Social Investment Programme Agency (NSIPA), and the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation. If the deity cannot help us, it should leave us the way it met us (oosa boo le gbe mi, fi mi sile b’ose ba mi).
My biggest ‘New Year Resolution’ for the year 2024 is to answer the name Falana; and pay more attention to my personal issues. But, like the elders of my place would say: omo buruku o ni je ka gbagbe oro ana – a bad child will always remind one of a better forgotten past. Honestly, the year is far too young for me to break my ‘New Year Resolution’. We are just in the second week of the year. Even at that, the bad children that dominate our political landscape are at it again. They have taken us back to the avant-garde Orwellian year, 1984, where everything is the opposite. Nigeria has become a huge crime scene, especially with the rudderless leadership of more than a quarter of a century the nation has had. The Nigerian masses have been turned to the proverbial pitiable and helpless woman, who is at the mercy of a serial rapist with the biggest of phalluses, ever. When gripped and devoured by the merciless rapist, the best the female victim could do is to groan and grunt. To worsen the situation, there appears to be no help or helper in sight.
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The last four days have been very interesting. Our new husband in Abuja and his gang of serial economic rapists have shown that no matter how thoroughly a housewife washes the local ebolo vegetable, the aroma it produces after it is cooked is that of the bush. Nothing has changed, nothing is changing, and nothing will ever change. It is going to be business as usual; it may even be worse than we experienced under the self-acclaimed Mai Gaskiya (the honest one), General Muhammadu Buhari, whose eight-year leadership of the country, promoted corruption to its very zenith. Those who are disappointed with the current happening in Abuja, as it relates to the novel move by Dr Betta Edu, the Minister of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, to move the sum of N585, 198, 5000, to a private account of a member of staff of the ministry, Bridget Oniyelu, are the very people who invested their hope, trust and confidence in the ability of the present men of power to chart a new direction for the nation. And, in all honesty, I must give kudos to the new set of “wailing wailers”, for having the courage to speak out in loud groaning, the pains the President Bola Ahmed Tinubu government is inflicting on the people. For those of us who, right from day one, came to the conclusion that omo ejo, ejo ni – a snakelet is also a snake -, we don’t have to beat our chest and ask: “did we not warn you?” The agony in the land is like the rain. The rain spares nobody. Again, the Scripture is also complete. When the unrighteous suffer, the righteous too are not spared. Could that be what our forebears described as what affects the eyes equally affects the nose – ohun to ba oju, ti ba imu?
Everything about Nigeria is always in the opposite direction of the happenings in the sane countries of the world. Like the George Orwell’s 1984, the Nigerian Ministry of Information does nothing but misinform the people. Our Justice Ministry and its departments dispel injustices in full measures, just as the ministry and agencies saddled with the responsibilities of alleviating and eradicating poverty in our land engage in activities that will only promote and sustain the same maladies they are established to cure. The Humanitarian Ministry in the last eight and a half years has become the most inhuman government department. It is a ministry that steals from the invalid and robs the dead! Everywhere we turn to for help, the rain keeps beating us; drenching us down to our inner ibante (pant). When my people from Ijeshaland are asked to sum up our situation, they have only one exclamation: eshio, ka bi a tia bere – where do we start from!
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Why do we have the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation in the first instance? The ministry was established by the same elite class which has weaponised poverty as an art, to hoodwink the people into believing that they actually care. Anyone can argue this: there has been nothing shoved down our throats by the rogues in power in the name of social welfare that is not a scam. Not just a scam, but a big one! It is only in our clime that the government shares money to “the vulnerable” without any data of who the beneficiaries are. In the first instance, how does a nation which has not been able to put an accurate figure to its population, and without any demographic boundary, arrive at the number of those below the poverty level? What parameters is the government using to determine who is entitled to its social welfare packages? Where are the records? Till the second coming of the Saviour, Nigerians will never get to know how many school children were fed during the 2020 COVID-19 lockdown, and how much was expended on the misadventure, nor would they ever guess right, the actual amount of money given out as tradermoni in the last regime! What about palliative materials? How many beneficiaries can you identify in your neighbourhoods? Even in response to emergency situations like ameliorating the pains of victims of natural disasters like rainstorms, has our government ever given us an account of how much it spent and what is remaining on the balance sheet?
This is why I refuse to join the fray in castigating Dr Betta Edu in her recent request to the Accountant General of the Federation (AGF), for the sum of N585, 198,5000 to be paid into Bridget Oniyelu’s account for disbursement to “vulnerable Nigerians”. While my unwillingness to join the fray is not because I approve of her conduct, I restrained myself because I know that Nigerians are only talking because someone somewhere decided to “leak” the request memo. Have we asked how many of such memos had been written and approved before that of Edu became a public issue? How many of such memos is this administration still going to approve because the government has learnt its lessons now, and would always ensure that such a sickness does not affect another child under its watch again? When President Tinubu won the February 2023 general election, many of his supporters assured us that we should wait for him to unveil the “technocrats” that he would appoint into his cabinet. Can any of those supporters point out an individual in the Tinubu cabinet who appears to have a faint idea of what he or she is doing in the ministry assigned to him/her? Who is the technocrat in this government that has appeared to have the basic aptitude for the jobs assigned to him? Which technocrat would request that more than half a billion naira be paid into an individual’s account for a government project, when the same ministry has numerous bank accounts? Who does that?
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And while pondering on that, what has been the response of the appointing authority, President Tinubu, to the scandal? Oh yes; he directed a probe of the ministry! How do you probe a minister and her ministry when the same minister is still in her office directing affairs? Who, among the members of staff of the ministry, would have the effrontery to appear before the ‘probe panel’ to testify against a sitting minister? What should come first, if not the immediate suspension of the affected minister so that the paddy-paddy panel can have a semblance of objectivity and freedom in the discharge of its assignment? So, why should we bother ourselves as a people when we already know that the pregnancy of the panel asked to do “a thorough and comprehensive investigation” would only result in stillbirth? How do we even expect a hen to eat the entrails of another hen? What happens to class solidarity? Is the president ordering “a thorough and comprehensive investigation” aware that Dr Edu has never denied ever raising the scandalous memo? What else does the president want? Belatedly, President Tinubu, has announced the suspension of Minister Edu. Shall we then clap for the president for putting the cart before the horse! Would he have taken that afterthought decision if there were no public outcry?
The very day I gave up hope on our redemption from the hands of the locusts in our national field was the very day the All Progressives Congress (APC), came to power in 2015. It would have been better if in chasing away the ruinous People’s Democratic Party (PDP) from power, Nigerians did not hand over to the worst of humanity, who populated the APC! With the APC in power, and its victory in 2019 and the retention of power in 2023, decency took flight in Nigeria. Don’t forgive my pessimism here. But I say this without qualms: for as long as the APC retains the leadership ladder at the centre, Nigeria can kiss opposition politics good bye! Where is the PDP in the scheme of things now? Where is the man who lost the centre power to the APC in 2015, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ)? What efforts has he made to help the party out of its present coma? What about the ‘OBIdients’? Were the lawmakers elected under the banner of the ‘redemption party’ not part of the shenanigan of N160 million Sports Utility Vehicles (SUVs), as official vehicles for federal legislators? Who is asking this government questions? Who is holding it accountable? If the current Minister of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Nyesom Wike, can serve in an APC government, what is remaining of the opposition?
I read the PDP’s response to Edu’s scandal and I laughed. What a party-in-opposition? Can we just imagine if Alhaji Lai Mohammed were to lead the opposition in a situation like this! The PDP in its statement as endorsed by Debo Ologunagba, its National Publicity Secretary, on the N5.8 billion scandal, said, among other things that the earlier N44.8 billion scandal in NSIPA, and the N585,198,500 in the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation “is just a tip of the iceberg in the unprecedented treasury looting, unbridled stealing and plundering of resources going on in the President Bola Tinubu-led All Progressives Congress (APC) administration”. Then it followed up with the usual plodding demand of “immediate sack and prosecution” of the minister concerned! Nothing more! You may wish to ask if that was how APC acted while in opposition such that GEJ and his party were retired from Aso Rock? The bitter truth this government needs to know is that Nigerians can do better than the Bettas of this administration and its poverty escalation policies! From what we can now see, it is better life for Betta Edu and her ilks at the expense of the so-called ‘vulnerable Nigerians’
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I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.
Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.
His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.
It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.
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The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.
Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.
“I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”
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OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

By Lasisi Olagunju
Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?
I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?
What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.
Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.
Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.
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Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:
“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”
America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:
“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”
Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?
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“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.
“Where is anywhere?”
It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.
I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!
It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).
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I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.
As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.
So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.
We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.
So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.
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OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

By Lasisi Olagunju
Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!
It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.
They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.
I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.
Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.
In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).
In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.
In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).
In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.
Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.
We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.
President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.
Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.
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We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.
Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.
In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.
Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.
Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:
Gerere,
Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,
Gerere…
(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).
People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.
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I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?
‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.
Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”
Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.
Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.
I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.
The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.
A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.
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This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,…”
Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?
Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.
The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.
This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.
In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:
“Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”
For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:
“The final stage of life
that ends this strange and eventful journey
is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;
without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”
The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.
										
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