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OPINION: Tinubu’s Lifejacket And A Deer’s Sacred Skin

By Festus Adedayo
What hunters see in the forest is enough to make children of men without balls blind. Ọláníyì Ọládèj̣ọ Yáwóọ̣ré had gone hunting one day and came face to face with a deer breastfeeding her young. Stupefied by this weird sight, an unusual dizziness pounced upon the hunter. But «an animal is pursuing me» is a disgraceful song that must never be sung by a man born to hunt. Yáwóọ̣ré quickly picked himself up and fought back with a dose of potent Ọfọ (incantation), one of the priceless assets he inherited from his father: “The ladybird beetle does not suffer from sight impairment…”
Hunter dipped his hand into his cloak and brought out a phial, the content of which he then used to wipe his face. Now he can see! Now that he could see, he had very little difficulty making sumptuous meat of the deer. At home, hunter skinned his game and hung its hide to dry in the open. This is where the story starts to be sweet like a soup of deer meat.
The second day, a mysterious woman visited Yáwóọ̣ré and a conversation ensued. The above was the product of an ethnographic study of hunters in a wild called Ìgbẹ Alágogo conducted by Ayo Adeduntan, a scholar at the University of Ibadan. Adeduntan’s research gave birth to the above narrative. The mysterious woman then told the hunter: “I know you killed a deer. But you did because we wanted you to. Now, why do you show off with its skin? Why did you spread it out, pegged to the ground outside? You sure want to show the whole world that it was you that killed the animal. Were you the one who actually killed the animal or we gave it to you? Don’t you know spreading out the hide in the open that way is exposing our clothing to the mundane world?” Yawoore got the message. He made amends.
At the APC Renewed Hope Agenda Summit held at the State House last Thursday, Tinubu was Yáwóọ̣ré, the ostentatious hunter. The sniper had just killed a sacred deer with his sharp-shooting skills. Like the hunter, it was time for Tinubu to gloat. Trust our president, he was at his best turf. Armed with his ancient Cockney, the president, who had just killed an elephantine game, said “nothing (is) wrong with a one party state.” He asked his people to «wipe them clean.» You would think that he was talking about a bowl of pounded yam accompanied by a plate of Ileya ram meat.
I looked at his face. The whole world was like a colony of ants before the president. APC, he boasted, was “one party ruling and carrying on with the aspirations of Nigerians,” in what actually came in an incoherent waffle. “You don’t expect people to remain in a sinking ship without a life jacket. I am happy with what we have accomplished and expecting more people to come; that’s the game.”
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Yáwóọ̣ré then told the Old Woman, “Old one, it was Ògún (the god of iron) that killed it.” The mysterious woman would not have that claim and promptly interjected. “Not Ògún, we allowed you to kill it.” Sobered, the hunter accepted his guilt, soberly retorting that, “I did not know that it (the skin) is your cloth.” Yáwóọ̣ré then reported the encounter to Ọlaifa Adigun, the Olúòdẹ, head of hunters, proceeded home and removed the deer skin. His open advertisement of conquest against the unseen forces was going to be his nemesis. The hunter must have known that, to dare Witches by counting their nine-finger arm in their presence had repercussions. It was a declaration of war with women Yoruba call Ẹlẹyẹ.
Unlike Yáwóọ̣ré, on Thursday, Tinubu was not sober. He had similarly spread a sacred deer hide in the open to dry. He was even unconscionable. In what appeared an account of his 730 days in office as the Nigerian president, Tinubu gloated about what he called his government’s economic reforms. Echoing musician, Bongos Ikwue’s line in his evergreen track, ‘Searching for True Love,’ the president hid behind the ancient wisdom of “Nothing good comes easy” in life to justify the people’s suffering under his government. He maintained that, “sometimes, only hard decisions can make things easy in the future.” Leading an administration which, while campaigning for Nigerians’ votes in 2023, carried the heftiest baggage of anticipated elasticity of corruption, Tinubu’s testimony on Thursday of fighting corruption in 730 days was the imponderous, “You could see EFCC recover over seven hundred and fifty-something houses from one person”. He also claimed that life had become better and the future assured for the people of Nigeria. But, is it?
At that State House gathering, a picture was raised for all to see. It was that of Tinubu and his coterie of palace jesters, having written a national qualification examination, marking their own scripts and awarding themselves pass marks. Take the National Security Adviser (NSA) Nuhu Ribadu for example. Ribadu regaled Nigerians with statistics of a Nigerian security Eldorado under Tinubu. A few days earlier, Babagana Zulum, governor of Borno State, had punctured his deceptively inflated balloon. Persuaded that Ribadu’s fawning statistics of securing Nigeria was an embarrassing fallacy that cannot save his people, Zulum asked Borno to look heavenwards for salvation. He declared last Monday a fasting period to seek God’s intervention. This came on the heels of another revelation by the Chief Whip of the Senate, Mohammed Tahir Monguno who, last Wednesday, disclosed that 63 residents of two communities in Borno North were killed in a clash between Boko Haram insurgents and ISWAP insurgents. So, what was Ribadu blabbing about?
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Like one watching a surreal film, then slid Secretary to the Government of the Federation (SGF), George Akume, unto the stage. Borrowing from Godswill Akpabio who asked a female legislator if she thought the parliament was a nightclub, I was tempted to ask if everyone at the State House that Thursday was drunk. Akume’s words sounded bombastic, high sounding but lacking grounding in reality. “Mr President’s leadership reminds us of the legendary Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore — the man whose foresight, discipline, and tenacity transformed a small nation into a global model of prosperity and order. This is the quality of leadership Nigeria is privileged to have today,” Akume waffled shamelessly. I had to race for my book of history. Were there two Yews? Did Akume truly liken this same Tinubu to the father of modern Singapore or he was on a junket of figures of speech? The Yew of Singapore transformed his country from a struggling port city into about the most prosperous and efficient worldwide. His countrymen were not recorded to have died in droves during this period. I have heard of the words, ‘bootlicking,’ ‘sycophancy’ and ‘grovelling before power’ before now but I had never felt its coarse texture as this. Akume brought its feel and colour to me vividly.
Then entered Akpabio, a major cast at the State House circus. In the last two years as Nigeria’s Senate President, Godswill will seem to have triumphed more in wordplay and legislative buffoonery than lawmaking. Like one primed to play in an orchestra, Akpabio was at it again last Thursday. He lauded what he called “Tinubu’s political sagacity,” submitting that “Nigerians are grassroots people, they are very excited” basing this on “the fact that even the members of the national assembly and senators said they have never had it this good.” Why won’t they, legislators who now collect N1billion and N2billion for constituency projects? After this stellar buffoonery, Akpabio now mimicked the same uncritical legislative showmanship for which the Nigerian parliament has a notorious renown. He then “move(d), and let it be moved, that not only President Bola Ahmed Tinubu will be a sole candidate for the presidency in 2027, but he will also be a sole candidate for the whole Nigerian population.” That is a recipe for disaster.
Nigerians will know that Akpabio doesn’t disappoint. He didn’t last Thursday. He is a known serial groveler by the feet of power. In 2015 as Chairman of PDP Governors’ Forum and governor of Akwa-Ibom State, this same Akpabio, on July 15, 2024, announced his endorsement of Goodluck Jonathan and projected victory for him in 2015. He preceded his endorsement with same longish hogwash as this. Like they do at the bioscope, everything for Akpabio is in the superlatives, garnished with theatrics. Both collided at that State House event, as he said, “other political parties have been turned into shreds.. and (he saw) the umbrella of the PDP (with) over 100 holes” and “everything in the south-south has collapsed for you (Tinubu)… same thing that is happening in the nation.”
I am sure Mr. President enjoyed the circus. But I know he is too steeped in the waters of Nigerian politics not to know that the likes of Akume, Akpabio and Uzodinma were merely playing the politics of the stomach and recycling the usual Nigeria’s tree-falls-bird-flies politics.
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We are the only ones who can tell our president the naked truth. If the president can look out through the windows, he will see how Nigerians deride him. Not because of his tribe but because he has allowed himself to be captive of unrealistic statistics. Yes, apart from the Ibrahim Babangida military government, there doesn’t seem to be any other government that has midwifed policies as much as the present administration. The reality however is that those policies fall face flat on their faces, without corresponding positive effect on the people. Nigerians are hurting; they have been since May, 2023. Halfway through his first term, I stand to be corrected, Tinubu is the most hated Nigerian today.
Rather than the PDP being a faulty aircraft and passengers stranded with no life-jacket, Nigerians under Tinubu are the ones marooned in the cloudy sky of Tinubu administration’s malfunctioning leadership. They have no life-jacket. It is simply because they are not better of than they were almost two years ago. Electricity tariffs keep castrating the people. Cost of fuel is prohibitive. Nigerians are dying because they cannot afford drugs. Insecurity is sending hundreds of Nigerians to their deaths. Joblessness has become a pestilence while our young ones still find it a comparatively better succour to perish in the Mediterranean. In the last two years of being in office, the president, his family and political lackeys have quadrupled their wealth and comfort, at the expense of the Nigerian state. Like Yáwóọ̣ré, they now flauntingly spread the sacred deer’s skin in the glare of the public.
Forget Tinubu and his cohorts’ misleading doublespeak, the prospect of a de facto one-party state is possible. This is so especially when you realize that funny legislative characters like Akpabio are Tinubu’s consorts. While Akpabio won’t have any qualms about licking the president’s spittle and stamping APC as Nigeria’s constitutionally recognized sole party and Tinubu, sole candidate, in exchange for a life tenancy in the senate, Nigerians will make this impossible. A de jure one-party state is however possible. Its prospect is ripe in an APC where all Nigerian forces and absolute powers are fusing inside one party under Tinubu’s “sweep them clean” triumphalism. In a de jure one-party state, other parties would exist but the APC and the president will certainly be so lawlessly authoritarian that they would criminalize public smile.
Yes, as Tinubu said, “freedom of movement and association is not a criminally punishable, (sic).” However, with this gale of defection sweeping all and sundry inside his party’s pouch, it may be a recipe for tyranny of the majority. By either hook or crook, the president has killed the sacred deer. His audacity of choosing to spread the deer skin for all to see may eventually court the disaffection of the Old One, the Nigerian people. Like the urchin who cursed the Iroko tree and persistently looked backwards in fear of immediate repercussion, does the president think the Oluwere ghormid resident inside the bowel of the Iroko strikes with immediacy?
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I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.
Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.
His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.
It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.
READ ALSO:Trump To Receive Full Menu Of Options To Stop Nigeria Genocide – US Rep, Moore
The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.
Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.
“I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”
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OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

By Lasisi Olagunju
Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?
I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?
What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.
Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.
Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.
MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs
Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:
“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”
America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:
“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”
Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?
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“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.
“Where is anywhere?”
It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.
I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!
It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).
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I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.
As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.
So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.
We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.
So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.
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OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

By Lasisi Olagunju
Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!
It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.
They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.
I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.
Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.
In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).
In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.
In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).
In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.
Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.
We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.
President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.
Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.
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We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.
Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.
In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.
Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.
Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:
Gerere,
Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,
Gerere…
(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).
People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.
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I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?
‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.
Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”
Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.
Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.
I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.
The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.
A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.
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This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,…”
Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?
Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.
The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.
This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.
In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:
“Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”
For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:
“The final stage of life
that ends this strange and eventful journey
is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;
without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”
The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.
										
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