Connect with us

News

The Crowning Of Shekau

Published

on

 

Tunde Odesola

It’s 2:30am but she lays wide awake in bed. Her disturbed mind, with the measured precision of an expert blacksmith, tongs each issue troubling her mind on the anvil and sets the hammer to work, forging shapes into metals, burnishing hope into a grave polity. I-Sha needs to quickly find an elixir to the two ailments plaguing her husband – deafness to reason and numbness to reality.

Advertisement

The thoughts came pouring down her soul like snowflakes in winter – white, feathery and beautiful yet icy, bone-freezing and deadly. She gently turns on her side, pulls the succulent duvet under her chin and lolls up on the kingsize bed, glancing at her husband sitting on the chair by the lamp.

She looks at the lion she married several years ago and sadness fills her heart. In place of the lion, a cat she sees. Though still slim and suave, the bouncy confidence has departed the gait of the man she adored. Boo, as she fondly calls him, was efficient when he donned the green khaki – only needing to open his mouth, and a horde of subordinates would fall over themselves in submissive obedience to his command. But this democracy babariga is too large and too complicated for Boo to wear. With his gangly frame, he always seems lost in the billows of the parachute the agbada of democracy has turned into. In democracy, Boo seems like a whale stranded on seashore. In the military, the zombie structure masks his inadequacies.

READ ALSO: Naira Marley Tackles EFCC Over Phone Content

Advertisement

I-Sha: (She clears her throat) What’s going on, Your Excellency?

Boo: Menene, I-Sha?

I-Sha: What’s going on in your government? Don’t feign ignorance, you know what I’m talking about, Your Excellency.

Advertisement

Boo: It’s midnight; you need to be in bed, sleeping.

I-Sha: I’m in bed. I’ll sleep when you put my mind at rest.

Boo: Picks his teeth.

Advertisement

I-Sha: You see, that’s what I’m saying; it’s about 3am and you’re picking your teeth. You ate at 8pm, you’re picking your teeth at 3am! Whenever there’s an urgent issue, you pick your teeth.

Boo: I-Sha, picking my teeth is a strategy.

I-Sha: Strategy?

Advertisement

Boo: Yes, and an art of war.

I-Sha: Art of war?

Boo: Haka ne! It masks the mind’s construction from the face.

Advertisement

I-Sha: Mind’s construction?

Boo: Exactly!

I-Sha: So, you know the strategy and art of war, and Boko Haram has been feeding the flesh of your soldiers to the birds? You know how to mask the mind’s construction from the face, yet you can’t do anything without your rough-riding relative, Haba Kia, and the manipulative Mammon Dowrat, who have completely seized power from you.

Advertisement

Boo: What do you mean?

READ ALSO: Breaking: Veteran Yorubas Actor Is Dead

I-Sha: Who gives commands to your service chiefs? Who gives directives to ministers and heads of government agencies? Nigerians know who they voted for, but they’re amazed how another C-i-C emerged in Kia. They also know that Mammon is the voice on the throne. The masses are utterly disappointed in you, muji na. You deceitfully kept the promise of change to their ears and shattered it to their hope.

Advertisement

Boo: (His phone rings, he picks it) That’s Mammon calling. He’s in my private room.

I-Sha: Mammon calling?

Boo: Yes.

Advertisement

I-Sha: So?

Boo: I need to go and answer him or should I tell him to come into the bedroom?

I-Sha: (Exasperated, speaks in Hausa) Is it Mammon who should answer to you or you answer to Mammon?

Advertisement

Boo: This is a democracy; everyone is equal.

He gets up and leaves the bedroom. Tears roll down I-Sha’s eyes.

Interlude
Both Dowrat and Kia greet as Boo steps into the private room.

Advertisement

Boo: Why is everybody shouting your name all over the place, Kia?

Kia: (Chuckling) I don’t know, Your Excellency. I must be doing something great.

Boo: Even I-Sha won’t sleep; she’s worried. They say you and Mammon have taken over governance. Do these people know anything about devolution of power?

Advertisement

Dowrat: Anyone can say whatever they like. An urgent matter of state brought us here, Your Excellency. It’s the coronavirus.

Boo: Oh yes, I heard that the coronavirus is now in Lagos. What’re you doing about it?

Dowrat: That’s why we’re here.

Advertisement

Boo: Good. What’re you doing?

Dowrat: We need to embark on vaccination of cows against the dreaded disease before it leaves Lagos for the North. We need about N20bn for the exercise.

Boo: Coronavirus is a very deadly disease, Mammon! Will N20bn be enough?

Advertisement

Kia: We’ll manage it and take N300m from the N386m earmarked for the treatment and prevention of the disease from being transmitted among humans.

READ ALSO: Pope Appears In Public ill, Cancels Planned Retreat

Boo: That’s ok; humans can talk, cows can’t.

Advertisement

Kia: When I leave here, I’m going to look for a professor of virology and appoint him as the head of government’s intervention on coronavirus initiative for cows.

Boo: Will you appoint another professor of virology to oversee the remaining N86m earmarked for human vaccination, treatment and prevention?

Kia: The disease was discovered in Lagos, not Kaduna, Your Excellency. A primary healthcare officer will be ok for humans.

Advertisement

Boo: You this boy, you’re very wise. I don’t know why everybody is shouting coronavirus! coronavirus! Kenya has suspended all flights from China, South Africa has evacuated her nationals from China.

Kia: People from the North don’t travel abroad, so we don’t need to evacuate anybody.

Boo: Even Ateekoo that I defeated is advising that I suspend flights from countries affected by coronavirus. What does that one know about governance?

Advertisement

Dowrat: I wonder o, Your Excellency. His former boss from the rock city has gone mute after your re-election

Boo: You’ll soon begin to hear his voice when the new policy comes on stream.

Kia: Which of the lofty policies? Is it the one seeking southern land for herdsmen? Or the one seeking to criminalise resistance to herdsmen killings?

Advertisement

Boo: No, it’s the bill seeking to crown Boko Haram leader, Shekau, the Shehu of Terrorism; grant amnesty to repentant Boko Haram members and allow them enjoy foreign education.

Kia: Haa! Those bills? They will just shout and keep quiet. When they refused to allow rugga and Boko Haram was killing them, they shouted and shouted and stopped. This one also, they’ll shout and keep quiet.

Boo: I like it that the bill emanated from the senate. If it was from Azo Roc, they would’ve, by now, been burning tyres on the streets.

Advertisement

Kia: Don’t mind them, Your Excellency.

Boo: Have you spoken to Shekau?

Kia: Yes. He’s very happy. Particularly, he loves the policy that seeks to enlist his members into the army. He even expressed his desire to head the joint Army with its headquarters in Sambisa.

Advertisement

Dowrat:Lofty as these policies are, we need to be wary of the western world; you know they like poking their noses into people’s affairs. They’ll make an issue out of the babies Boko Haram mistakenly threw into bonfires. They’ll listen to the false allegation that Boko Haram is a terrorist group that kills and rapes.

Boo: People don’t know that everything that has an advantage, has a disadvantage. Did Odion Ighalo not profit from the coronavirus outbreak in China? This is why I’m not going to worry myself banning flights, setting up quarantine centres or providing any support. What will be, wll be.

Dowrat: We should even thank God the disease was discovered in Lagos, like the Ebola case. The coronavirus would’ve been uncontrollable if it broke out in the North.

Advertisement

Boo: I’ve said it; everything that has an advantage, has a disadvantage. They said I should sack service chiefs, I refused. If I had sacked them, would we be having this wonderful partnership with Boko Haram today?

I-Sha, who overheard all their conversation, looks through the door and shouts, “Takulahi!” meaning “Fear God!”

One of the men countered, “Allah ya halince ka!” meaning, “May God punish you!”, and he goes after I-Sha.

Advertisement

Tunde Odesola is a seasoned journalist and a columnist with the Punch newspapers

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Advertisement
Advertisement
Comments

News

Nigeria Must Harness Youth Potential For Food Sovereignty — IFAD

Published

on

The International Fund for Agricultural Development (IFAD) has said that Nigeria cannot achieve its dreamed food sovereignty without harnessing the potential of its youth in full capacity.

Dede Ekoue, Country Director, IFAD, said this in Benin on Thursday at the 5th Supervision Mission of a Federal Government, Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC), and IFAD—Lifelihood Improvement Family Enterprises —Niger Delta (LIFE-ND) Project.

Ekoue, who said LIFE-ND is aimed at empowering youth and women with practical skills in agric business in the Niger Delta region, noted that to achieve this, the programme adopted a model where all trainees pass through what is referred to as incubation.

Advertisement

The country director, while stating that IFAD invested over $30m in the first phase of the LIFE-ND project with over 26,000 beneficiaries, added: “LIFE-ND is a unique programme to us at IFAD. We are committed to empowering youth in the agric business and to generate jobs.”

READ ALSO:

She stressed: “We are talking about agric food system transformation; it is a key topic on the global platform. And food sovereignty cannot be achieved without fully harnessing the potentials of the youth in agric. Youth has the largest population. So, LIFE-ND is aimed at empowering youth with practical skills using a model of business incubation. By the time they go through the incubation process, they come out as business owners. They are able to set up an agric business.”

Advertisement

“And we have a good story in terms of linking these agric business owners to the market. So, income generation and sales are not issues to them.

“Creating jobs for youths is the key to enabling growth; it is the key to peace; it is the key to development; it is the key to business growth.”

In empowerment of women, the country director said: “LIFE-ND also emphasises on women. Women are key to food production; they are key to food transformation; they are key to food sovereignty; they are key to proper nutrition. This is what LIFE-ND is delivering.”

Advertisement

READ ALSO:Four Nigerians Jailed In UK For Forging Over 2,000 Marriage Documents

Ekoue, while expressing satisfaction at the 4th supervision of the project, said the supervision, which was carried out by an independent team was to “access progresses, identified the challenges and opportunities for improvement, and to develop some recommendations for further enhancing,” adding that this would give a cue either to continue with the project or discontinue.

On his part, National Coordinator, LIFE-ND, Dr.
Abiodun Sanni, said the first phase of the programme, which covered six states —Ondo, Edo, Abia, Bayelsa, Cross River, Delta —of the region, had 26,470 beneficiaries including young agro entrepreneurs, youths, women, and persons with disability along different commodities for value chain.

Advertisement

Sanni, while expressing his commitment to actualising the transformative agenda of the project, which he said aligns with the President Tinubu’s Renewed Hope Agenda, disclosed that 4,380 beneficiaries are currently being enlisted in this ongoing phase, adding: “We are going to add more beneficiaries as more funds come from our sponsors.”

Representative of the NDDC, Stella Manureh, said the LIFE-ND project “is our shared commitment to improving lives of the Niger Delta people through food security.
IFAD, your continued investment in agriculture has improved the livelihood of the people.
It enforces our collective responsibility for transparency and accountability.”

 

Advertisement
Continue Reading

News

Edo Sets Up Special Court To Prosecute Govt-owned Land Encroachers

Published

on

Following the signing of a law prescribing 10 years imprisonment for anyone who violently or forcefully enters into state-owned property by Governor Monday Okpebholo of Edo State, the state government has set up a special court to prosecute such offenders.

Chairman, Edo State Public Property Protection Committee,
Eugene Okoloise, who disclosed this in Benin while briefing journalists on the new law, said over 500 state-owned properties have been recovered from individuals since he took over office.

Okoloise, who said he is passionate in making sure all government properties in the hands of individuals are recovered, warned that no one would be treated as a scared cow in his bid to recover government properties.

Advertisement

READ ALSO:

He said, “Before now, there was no law empowering us to prosecute offenders. But now that the governor has signed this law, no excuse. Anyone caught would be prosecuted in accordance with the law. And to this effect, the government has set up a special court to prosecute anyone who sells or encroaches on government property.

“And I want to assure Edo people that anyone caught shall be prosecuted in accordance with the law, no matter how highly placed. We are not going to spare anyone or treat anyone especially for his or her status.”

Advertisement

He disclosed that to make the law known to the public, his committee has started enlightenment through media houses and a community-to-commununity enlightenment campaign.

We are going to sensitise the general public including the rural dwellers that there is a new law to prosecute anyone that forcefully enters government property. I have plans of going round media houses to sensitise our people. Briefing you on the new law is part of the enlightenment campaign,” he said.

Advertisement
Continue Reading

News

Senate Uncovers $300bn Unaccounted Crude Oil Sales

Published

on

About $300billion of crude oil sales can’t be accounted for, according to an interim report by the Senate Ad-Hoc Committee on Crude Oil Theft in the Niger Delta.

The committee, which probed crude oil sales across several years, was chaired by Senator Ned Nwoko.

The Delta-North lawmaker presented the preliminary report of his findings to the Senate on Wednesday in Abuja.

Advertisement

The report noted that a forensic review of domestic crude proceeds and tax oil returns showed differentials, mismatches and unaccounted funds amounting to a staggering $22 billion.

Similarly, it uncovered a shortfall of $81 billion between receipts declared by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company Limited (NNPCL) and those recorded by the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) for 2016 and 2017, a development that shocked the Senate.

READ ALSO:Immigration Seizes Senator Natasha’s Passport At Airport

Advertisement

Furthermore, the panel’s review of crude oil sales from 2015 to date, indicated that over $200bn in oil proceeds remained unaccounted for globally.

The report followed months of document reviews and public hearings, tracing the problem to faulty measurement systems, weak regulatory oversight, and poor coordination among government agencies.

The panel identified the use of unverified measuring instruments, lack of meteorological control, ineffective interagency collaboration, and uncoordinated enforcement mechanisms as major enablers of crude oil theft.

Advertisement

The panel also faulted the suspension of the Weights and Measures Department’s activities in the upstream sector under the Petroleum Industry Act (PIA) 2021, saying the decision undermined accountability and accurate measurement in crude oil operations.

READ ALSO:FULL TEXT: DSS Gives Update On Prosecution Of Owo Church Attackers, Other Terror Suspects

In addition, it noted that the absence of a special court to prosecute oil thieves and the non-implementation of the Host Communities Development Trust Fund (HCDTF) under the PIA had contributed to persistent sabotage and theft in oil-producing areas.

Advertisement

The panel projected that the unaccounted domestic crude sales proceeds amount to about $300 billion, calling for urgent local and international tracking, tracing and recovery of stolen crude oil funds for the benefit of the country.

The committee appealed to the Federal Government to mandate the Nigerian Upstream Regulatory Commission (NUPRC) to enforce international crude oil measurement standards at all production sites and export terminals or restore the Weights and Measures Department to its former regulatory role.

Moreover, it recommended that the government provide security agencies with modern surveillance technology and equipment, including unmanned aerial vehicles, to strengthen monitoring of oil facilities and detect theft and leakages in real time.

Advertisement

READ ALSO:Senate Approves Life Imprisonment For Child Defilement Convicts

The panel called for the establishment of a Maritime Trust Fund to support the development and maintenance of maritime infrastructure, training and safety operations, as well as the creation of a special court to promptly prosecute crude oil thieves and their collaborators.

The Nwoko panel advised the immediate implementation of the Host Communities Development Trust Fund (HCDTF) to reduce community sabotage and promote inclusion in the management of oil resources.

Advertisement

Besides, the committee expressed concern over the growing number of abandoned and poorly decommissioned oil wells across the Niger Delta, which it said were leaking oil and gas into the environment and polluting communities.

The report recommended that such wells be ceded to the NUPRC for handover to modular refineries to increase crude availability for local consumption and reduce vandalism.

But, it noted a modest recovery in crude oil production, which increased by 9.5 per cent in 2023 from 490.95 million barrels in 2022 to 537.57 million barrels, indicating an improvement in production and security conditions.

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending