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The Crowning Of Shekau

Published

6 years ago

March 2, 2020

Tunde Odesola

It’s 2:30am but she lays wide awake in bed. Her disturbed mind, with the measured precision of an expert blacksmith, tongs each issue troubling her mind on the anvil and sets the hammer to work, forging shapes into metals, burnishing hope into a grave polity. I-Sha needs to quickly find an elixir to the two ailments plaguing her husband – deafness to reason and numbness to reality.

The thoughts came pouring down her soul like snowflakes in winter – white, feathery and beautiful yet icy, bone-freezing and deadly. She gently turns on her side, pulls the succulent duvet under her chin and lolls up on the kingsize bed, glancing at her husband sitting on the chair by the lamp.

She looks at the lion she married several years ago and sadness fills her heart. In place of the lion, a cat she sees. Though still slim and suave, the bouncy confidence has departed the gait of the man she adored. Boo, as she fondly calls him, was efficient when he donned the green khaki – only needing to open his mouth, and a horde of subordinates would fall over themselves in submissive obedience to his command. But this democracy babariga is too large and too complicated for Boo to wear. With his gangly frame, he always seems lost in the billows of the parachute the agbada of democracy has turned into. In democracy, Boo seems like a whale stranded on seashore. In the military, the zombie structure masks his inadequacies.

I-Sha: (She clears her throat) What’s going on, Your Excellency?

Boo: Menene, I-Sha?

I-Sha: What’s going on in your government? Don’t feign ignorance, you know what I’m talking about, Your Excellency.

Boo: It’s midnight; you need to be in bed, sleeping.

I-Sha: I’m in bed. I’ll sleep when you put my mind at rest.

Boo: Picks his teeth.

I-Sha: You see, that’s what I’m saying; it’s about 3am and you’re picking your teeth. You ate at 8pm, you’re picking your teeth at 3am! Whenever there’s an urgent issue, you pick your teeth.

Boo: I-Sha, picking my teeth is a strategy.

I-Sha: Strategy?

Boo: Yes, and an art of war.

I-Sha: Art of war?

Boo: Haka ne! It masks the mind’s construction from the face.

I-Sha: Mind’s construction?

Boo: Exactly!

I-Sha: So, you know the strategy and art of war, and Boko Haram has been feeding the flesh of your soldiers to the birds? You know how to mask the mind’s construction from the face, yet you can’t do anything without your rough-riding relative, Haba Kia, and the manipulative Mammon Dowrat, who have completely seized power from you.

Boo: What do you mean?

I-Sha: Who gives commands to your service chiefs? Who gives directives to ministers and heads of government agencies? Nigerians know who they voted for, but they’re amazed how another C-i-C emerged in Kia. They also know that Mammon is the voice on the throne. The masses are utterly disappointed in you, muji na. You deceitfully kept the promise of change to their ears and shattered it to their hope.

Boo: (His phone rings, he picks it) That’s Mammon calling. He’s in my private room.

I-Sha: Mammon calling?

Boo: Yes.

I-Sha: So?

Boo: I need to go and answer him or should I tell him to come into the bedroom?

I-Sha: (Exasperated, speaks in Hausa) Is it Mammon who should answer to you or you answer to Mammon?

Boo: This is a democracy; everyone is equal.

He gets up and leaves the bedroom. Tears roll down I-Sha’s eyes.

Interlude
Both Dowrat and Kia greet as Boo steps into the private room.

Boo: Why is everybody shouting your name all over the place, Kia?

Kia: (Chuckling) I don’t know, Your Excellency. I must be doing something great.

Boo: Even I-Sha won’t sleep; she’s worried. They say you and Mammon have taken over governance. Do these people know anything about devolution of power?

Dowrat: Anyone can say whatever they like. An urgent matter of state brought us here, Your Excellency. It’s the coronavirus.

Boo: Oh yes, I heard that the coronavirus is now in Lagos. What’re you doing about it?

Dowrat: That’s why we’re here.

Boo: Good. What’re you doing?

Dowrat: We need to embark on vaccination of cows against the dreaded disease before it leaves Lagos for the North. We need about N20bn for the exercise.

Boo: Coronavirus is a very deadly disease, Mammon! Will N20bn be enough?

Kia: We’ll manage it and take N300m from the N386m earmarked for the treatment and prevention of the disease from being transmitted among humans.

Boo: That’s ok; humans can talk, cows can’t.

Kia: When I leave here, I’m going to look for a professor of virology and appoint him as the head of government’s intervention on coronavirus initiative for cows.

Boo: Will you appoint another professor of virology to oversee the remaining N86m earmarked for human vaccination, treatment and prevention?

Kia: The disease was discovered in Lagos, not Kaduna, Your Excellency. A primary healthcare officer will be ok for humans.

Boo: You this boy, you’re very wise. I don’t know why everybody is shouting coronavirus! coronavirus! Kenya has suspended all flights from China, South Africa has evacuated her nationals from China.

Kia: People from the North don’t travel abroad, so we don’t need to evacuate anybody.

Boo: Even Ateekoo that I defeated is advising that I suspend flights from countries affected by coronavirus. What does that one know about governance?

Dowrat: I wonder o, Your Excellency. His former boss from the rock city has gone mute after your re-election

Boo: You’ll soon begin to hear his voice when the new policy comes on stream.

Kia: Which of the lofty policies? Is it the one seeking southern land for herdsmen? Or the one seeking to criminalise resistance to herdsmen killings?

Boo: No, it’s the bill seeking to crown Boko Haram leader, Shekau, the Shehu of Terrorism; grant amnesty to repentant Boko Haram members and allow them enjoy foreign education.

Kia: Haa! Those bills? They will just shout and keep quiet. When they refused to allow rugga and Boko Haram was killing them, they shouted and shouted and stopped. This one also, they’ll shout and keep quiet.

Boo: I like it that the bill emanated from the senate. If it was from Azo Roc, they would’ve, by now, been burning tyres on the streets.

Kia: Don’t mind them, Your Excellency.

Boo: Have you spoken to Shekau?

Kia: Yes. He’s very happy. Particularly, he loves the policy that seeks to enlist his members into the army. He even expressed his desire to head the joint Army with its headquarters in Sambisa.

Dowrat:Lofty as these policies are, we need to be wary of the western world; you know they like poking their noses into people’s affairs. They’ll make an issue out of the babies Boko Haram mistakenly threw into bonfires. They’ll listen to the false allegation that Boko Haram is a terrorist group that kills and rapes.

Boo: People don’t know that everything that has an advantage, has a disadvantage. Did Odion Ighalo not profit from the coronavirus outbreak in China? This is why I’m not going to worry myself banning flights, setting up quarantine centres or providing any support. What will be, wll be.

Dowrat: We should even thank God the disease was discovered in Lagos, like the Ebola case. The coronavirus would’ve been uncontrollable if it broke out in the North.

Boo: I’ve said it; everything that has an advantage, has a disadvantage. They said I should sack service chiefs, I refused. If I had sacked them, would we be having this wonderful partnership with Boko Haram today?

I-Sha, who overheard all their conversation, looks through the door and shouts, “Takulahi!” meaning “Fear God!”

One of the men countered, “Allah ya halince ka!” meaning, “May God punish you!”, and he goes after I-Sha.

Tunde Odesola is a seasoned journalist and a columnist with the Punch newspapers

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

News

Police Deny Opening Recruitment Portal, Warn Nigerians Against Fake Adverts

Published

43 minutes ago

December 1, 2025

Editor

The Police Service Commission has debunked reports circulating on social media and several unofficial websites claiming that it has opened a portal for recruitment into the Nigeria Police Force.

The Commission described the publications as fake, warning that they were created by fraudsters seeking to deceive and exploit unsuspecting Nigerians.

In a statement published on its official website on Monday, the PSC said it had not commenced any recruitment exercise.

“The general public is hereby informed that these publications are fake and entirely misleading.

“They are the handiwork of fraudsters attempting to exploit innocent citizens,” the Commission said.

It added that no recruitment portal had been opened by the Commission.

“There is currently no ongoing recruitment into the Nigeria Police Force.

“The Police Service Commission has not opened any portal for such an exercise,” the statement added.

The PSC stressed that whenever recruitment begins, the announcement will be made strictly through authorised platforms.

According to the statement, official channels include advertisements in reputable national newspapers, announcements posted on the Commission’s verified website (www.psc.gov.ng), and formal press releases.

“We urge Nigerians to rely only on information published through these official channels.

“Any recruitment portal not listed on our website is fraudulent and should be reported to the police,” the commission said.

The PSC advised the public to ignore the fake recruitment claims to avoid falling victim to scams.

The PUNCH had reported that the Police Service Commission has cautioned Nigerians seeking a career in the Nigeria Police Force to beware of fake recruitment adverts circulating online, insisting that it has not yet commenced the 2025 recruitment exercise.

News

FG Begins Free Liver, Kidney Tests For People Living With HIV

Published

43 minutes ago

December 1, 2025

Editor

The Federal Government on Monday announced that it has begun providing People Living with HIV/AIDS access to free annual liver and kidney function tests through expanded health insurance coverage.

The Minister of State for Health and Social Welfare, Dr. Iziaq Salako, said this during the commemoration of the 2025 World AIDS Day, organised by the National Agency for the Control of AIDS, and other partners in Abuja, themed, “Overcoming disruption: Sustaining Nigeria’s HIV response.”

World AIDS Day is observed annually on December 1 to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS, promote global solidarity, and review progress in combating the epidemic.

It also serves as a platform to reinforce commitment toward eliminating HIV and ensuring access to treatment for all affected individuals.

Salako said, “We are beginning to provide people living with HIV/AIDS with access to annual liver and kidney function tests through expanded health insurance coverage.

“We are also moving steadily towards full integration of HIV, TB, malaria, nutrition, and the National AIDS, Viral Hepatitis and STIs Control Programme in Nigeria as one service that can be accessed in one location at any point in time.

“This integrated approach will ensure that children and adolescents can access multiple essential services during a single visit, thereby improving health outcomes.”

He noted that during the 66th National Council on Health in Calabar, the consent age for voluntary HIV counseling and testing was reduced from 18 to 14 years to increase testing rates among adolescents, leading to earlier diagnosis, better access to care, and a reduction in transmission.

The minister added that the NCH also approved the institutionalisation of the National Clinical Mentorship Programme within the health system and urged states to integrate clinical mentorship activities into their annual operational plans and budgets.

“This is going to help ensure that persons living with HIV remain on treatment and prevent loss to follow-up.

“I call on all stakeholders—states, partners, civil society, communities, and the private sector—to strengthen collaboration, scale innovation, and accelerate our march toward the 2030 goal of ending AIDS as a public health threat,” he said.

The Director General of NACA, Dr. Temitope Ilori, stated that despite unprecedented disruptions—including the global pandemic, economic uncertainty, fluctuating donor support, and shifts in global health financing—Nigeria is on track to meet the 2030 target of ending HIV.

“We have maintained an impressive 87–98–95 performance toward the global 95–95–95 targets, demonstrating significant progress in diagnosis, treatment coverage, and viral suppression across the country.

“Eighty-seven per cent of people living with HIV in Nigeria know their status; 98 per cent of those who know their status are on life-saving treatment; and 95 per cent of those on treatment have achieved viral suppression—meaning they cannot transmit HIV.

“In the last decade, Nigeria has recorded a 46 per cent decline in new HIV infections, and more Nigerians living with HIV are enrolled and retained in care than ever before,” she emphasised.

The President of the Network of People Living with HIV and AIDS in Nigeria, Abdulkadiri Ibrahim, advocated for domestic HIV funding and stressed the need to address gaps in PMTCT, improve community engagement, and promote viral load testing.

“Drugs are available, but there are elements that need more attention, such as community engagement for retention.

“We need to discuss adherence, counseling, psychosocial support, follow-up for those who miss their appointments, and improve access to viral load testing,” he said.

Also speaking, the UN Resident Representative, Elsie Attafuah, advocated for domestic financing, protection of human rights, community empowerment, and the strengthening of Nigeria’s health system to enhance resilience, increase efficiency, and expand equitable access.

“Together, we will sustain the response. Together, we will overcome distractions. Together, we will build a future where every person can live with health, dignity, and hope,” she noted.

News

FG Approves Promotion Of Over 24,000 Paramilitary Officers

Published

52 minutes ago

December 1, 2025

Editor

The Civil Defence, Correctional, Fire and Immigration Services Board has approved the promotion of 24,202 senior officers across the four paramilitary agencies under its supervision.

The Minister of Interior and Chairman of the Board, Olubunmi Tunji-Ojo, announced this on Monday in Abuja.

He was represented by the Board’s Secretary, Abdulmalik Jubril.

According to the minister, the newly promoted officers constitute the second batch of senior personnel elevated in 2025.

The affected agencies are the Nigerian Correctional Service, Nigeria Immigration Service, Federal Fire Service, and the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps.

A breakdown of the figures shows that 11,426 officers were promoted in the Correctional Service, 4,336 in the Immigration Service, 2,581 in the Fire Service, and 5,859 in the Civil Defence Corps.

“From the 24,202 promoted officers: NCoS recorded 11,426; NIS, 4,336; FFS, 2,581; while 5,859 were elevated in NSCDC.

“The promotion was based on various parameters, including national spread, good records, ratification, performance and vacancy availability.

“The promotion is aimed at boosting the morale of personnel to ensure proper service delivery in their respective agencies,” he said.

He noted that promotions had stagnated in previous years but said the current administration was committed to improving personnel welfare to strengthen the fight against insecurity.

“In the recent past, promotion had been stagnant, but this administration is dedicated to enhancing the well-being of personnel to tackle the insecurity bedevilling the country.

“Among the several incentives introduced in the ministry, this is particularly worthy of note,” the minister said.

In 2024, the Civil Defence, Correctional, Fire and Immigration Services Board promoted 20,867 senior officers across the paramilitary agencies under the Ministry of Interior.

The exercise, which cut across various ranks, formed part of ongoing efforts to address delays in career progression and improve staff welfare.