“Most men think they’re great in bed,” observed Jane, a marriage counsellor. “But much as we love our men, a five-minute quickie before lights out really doesn’t get the earth moving! It’s not that they lack enthusiasm. They’re just being typical male – always ready for action.
The problem is their technique – most of them don’t have any. Foreplay is clumsy and hurried, and as for the sex, it’s always wham, bam … was that it?”
Fortunately, all is not lost for these men. According to Canadian expert Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover, the key to fabulous sex is foreplay.
Common mistake men make is thinking that the things they enjoy will be pleasurable for their partner too. For instance, the man who doesn’t like a tongue in his ear is rare, but the woman who does like it is rarer.
“For most women, the ‘melt zone is the neck. We go gaga when kissed there. Another help are sex toys. The job of a sex toy is to enhance, not take over”.
“Even if you’ve not used toys before, they can add spark to your sex life. But what if your man feels threatened by the stiff competition? Men should think of a vibrator as being like the TV remote control – they can take charge if you want them to”.
Another problem is finding your partner’s G-spot. According to Lou, “The G-spot is located inside the vagina entrance, above the pubic bone in the front wall.
If a man imagines your vaginal entrance as a clock, the G-spot is typically at 12 noon. In order to ‘hit the spot’, the man should use the middle finger in a circular motion. Another tip is for him to press gently on top of a vagina with his other hand.
This will increase a woman’s pleasure”. Lou pointed out that it’s not just men who need to re-think their technique. Women should be willing to expand their bedroom skills too. First, a woman has to learn how to stimulate her man by the hand.
“It is an easy skill to master,” she says. “For practice, ask your man to raise his two middle fingers in the air. Grasp the base of his fingers with your thumb facing down. Next, you need to move your hand up, twisting as if opening a jar, then back down again.
Another tip is for a woman to wrap bead necklaces round her hand or her partner’s penis before beginning manual stimulation.
He’s bound to love the different texture.” Lou then gives these tips for couples: kiss each other all over, so that your partner knows exactly how much suction or pressures you prefer on a specific area, demonstrate on their finger or tongue.
Get filthy with food: Buy your partner’s favourite food and then serve it somewhere you wouldn’t normally – if you get her drift! List three areas of your body you want to be attended to most. Don’t make your partner guess what turns you on.
Tell them where and how you want to be touched. Buy a sex book and highlight your preferences. Pink highlights for you, blue for him. Then throw down the book on the bed.