News

OPINION: Abacha Protests In Heaven, Begs To Return

Published

5 months ago

December 29, 2023

Editor

Tunde Odesola

With his flaming sword, Angel Michael fled towards Heaven’s Gate – from the Gate of Paradise, where he was stationed. The angel had got wind of an untoward noise at Heaven’s Gate located far outside Paradise. As he spread his wings and rode the clouds en route to Heaven’s Gate, he thought about the strange noise. He couldn’t hazard a guess for the unprecedented noise but he sped towards it, all the same, because he needed to see things for himself – as the Captain of the heavenly hosts. All the 12 gates of heaven are under his charge.

The archangel screeched to a halt as he came in sight of Heaven’s Gate, also known as the Pearly Gates. There it was, smack in front of the Gate, a chariot made of hard currencies – pounds, euros, dollars, yuan, yen, cryptocurrency, but no naira. The chariot was also loaded to the brim with the rarest gemstones such that its lone occupant only sat on one side of his buttocks.

Angel Michael was livid with rage. “What won’t these lousy creatures called humans do?” he muttered, wondering, “Does this one think he can bribe his way into Paradise?” Angel Michael was quick to anger; he unsheathed his flaming sword, and aimed a swing at the neck of the occupant, who leapt out like a cat on hot stones, shouting, “Haba Allah! Haba Allah! Haba Allah!”

The occupant landed on the floor, rattling the chariot and spilling some gems that dazzled blindingly. He remained on the floor for a few seconds, panting, blinking, sucking air into his lungs. When he straightened himself up, he was not up to five feet. On his head was a green helmet. Jackboots encased his feet. He had a pistol in the holster of his military uniform. The nametag on his military uniform read Sanni Abacha.

Sanni Abacha: (Still shaking) Angel Michael, I do not mean to assault the sensibilities of Heaven with my showiness. I’m constrained to carry these earthly acquisitions with me everywhere because the ones I sent earlier to Nigeria were all embezzled. As the father of Nigeria, who art in heaven, I send millions of hard currencies to my people from time to time, knowing full well the economic hardship they face. But as it was in the beginning, so as the looting continued and probably will be so forevermore.

Angel Michael: You don’t belong here! You know where you should be; why did you come along this way!?

FROM THE AUTHOR: Ebenezer Obey: Unstoppable Flight Of Destiny (1) [OPINION ]

Sanni Abacha: I came to protest, sir!

Angel Michael: Protest?

Sanni Abacha: Yes, protest, sir! I came to protest why my days were not long on earth. I came to protest why other commanders-in-thief are not vehemently criticised for corruption. Why me? Why only me? If I didn’t die, would Nigeria criticise me? Is my predecessor, Ibrahim Babangida, not enjoying in Nigeria despite all the atrocities he committed? What about my successors, are any of them a saint? If I was alive, I would’ve been deified, not demonised. I would’ve been attending the Council of State meetings. I surely would’ve emerged as civilian President. My son would’ve emerged as Kano governor. My wife would’ve been in the Senate. My daughters would’ve lived inside the presidential jets. I would’ve been the Jagaban.

Angel Michael: You’re polluting the sacredness of this realm, Son of Adam Now, go back to the special lake prepared for you.

Sanni Abacha: Two things before I go, Holy Michael. Why kill me and leave other commanders-in-thief? We are all the same…

Angel Michael: (Cuts in) I have no control over how many days you spend on earth. That belongs to the Creator. But I know your days on earth were spent in blind acquisition of wealth and bloodshed – and that quickened your recall.

Sanni Abacha: That’s what I’m saying! Stereotype! Name-calling! Victimisation! I just don’t understand the grand conspiracy against me! I don’t know why I’m being singled out. Angel Michael, sir, you have the power to view the local and foreign bank accounts of living Nigerian leaders in a jiffy; can you do so, Angel Michael? Please, do so and let’s see.

Angel Michael: Wait, let me see.

Sanni Abacha: Thank you, Holy Angel. Check every leader’s accounts, local, foreign, hidden vaults, girlfriends’ and concubines’ accounts, and children’s accounts. Please, search everyone’s accounts – governors, ministers, senators, reps, house of assembly, council chairmen, everyone.

FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Oyinlola Keeps His Promise Despite Tinubu’s Victory (2)

Angel Michael: (Wipes his face with his palms as he views a large screen invisible to Abacha)

Sanni Abacha: You wipe your face with your palms, Angel Michael? Do you see what I’m saying? What I stole isn’t up to what others have stolen. Nigeria is a whale washed ashore, a few men in power cannot exhaust it. Mark you, sir, there are many more whales in the Nigerian ocean.

Angel Michael: (Continues to view the figures on his screen) I think I need a pair of glasses!

Sanni Abacha: You see! You see! It’s only Abacha that stole!! Abacha’s the only rogue!

Angel Michael: What about the killings and repressions you carried out?

Sanni Abacha: How many people did I kill compared to the number of people sent to their early graves as a result of terrorism, kidnapping, banditry, road accidents, ill-equipped hospitals, depression – all occasioned by corruption? Who has killed more? Nigeria had adequate security in my time. I controlled inflation. I died at 54 years of age, they have been ruling Nigeria forever. I increased Nigeria’s foreign exchange reserves from $494 million in 1993 to $9.6 billion in 1997. I reduced Nigeria’s external debt from $36 billion to $27 billion. I reduced the 54% inflation rate I inherited to 8.5% with oil selling for $15 per barrel on the average. I never travelled abroad.

Angel Michael: This is not a campaign ground, little man!

Sanni Abacha: I’m not campaigning, Captain of Heaven’s Army.

Angel Michael: So, keep quiet while I check more accounts and properties… (More lines appear on the angel’s forehead. He spiritually produces a pair of glasses and a large towel to wipe his face.)

Sanni Abacha: (Talking silently to himself) Nigeria kwaruption don wear glasses for Angel Michael. People complain about my wife and son; see what the wives and children of my colleagues are doing today? Nigerians scorn me when they should crown me. Death is not fair to me. In ba mutuwa bane, ba wanda zai fi ni mutunci a kasan na.

FROM THE AUTHOR: Ebenezer Obey: Unstoppable Flight Of Destiny (2)

Angel Michael: Check completed.

Sanni Abacha: (Excited) Yes, what did you see, Holy One?

Angel Michael: This is not VAR. No human eye can see the result on this screen.

Sanni Abacha: Please, tell me your findings.

Angel Michael: No!

Sanni Abacha: Is there no democracy in heaven? No fairness? No freedom of information?

Angel Michael: See who’s talking about democracy, fairness and freedom of information? What did you and Babangida do to June 12? Did you not kill Ken Saro-Wiwa and other Ogoni leaders? Did you not kill Kudirat Abiola? What did you do to Pa Alfred Rewane? Baba Abraham Adesanya? Journalists, activists and labour leaders?

Sanni Abacha: Angel Michael, is it not written that God appoints? The people you mentioned did not want to give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. So, they had to be taken care of by Sergeant Rogers.

Angel Michael: Just as you were taken care of. I’ll forward my findings to the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He’s the One to determine what to do with those troubling and looting Nigeria.

Sanni Abacha: Send me back to Nigeria, I plead; I’ll fix Nigeria in four years, no second term.

Angel Michael: It’s appointed for man to die once, and after death comes judgment. Like Pharaoh, you shut your mind to reason. Your judgment is nigh.

Sanni Abacha: Babangida shunned appearing before the Oputa panel. Nothing happened. Obasanjo was a coward who couldn’t bring Babangida to justice for eight years. Yet, Obasanjo would describe himself as an anti-corruption champion. How many millions of dollars went down the drain of power supply during Obasanjo’s time? What about his privatisation policy? He shows off with the EFCC. EFCC my foot!

Angel Michael: Time to return to your lake, little man.

Sanni Abacha: Let me finish, Holy Angel. President Goodluck Jonathan closed his eyes to the atrocities of those before him. While campaigning, President Muhammadu Buhari described Jonathan as a thief but when he assumed power, Jonathan became an angel. President Bola Tinubu is trying former CBN governor, Godwin Emefiele, who was doing the bidding of Buhari, the most inept President in the history of mankind. Buhari is free, but Emefiele is not. Nigeria needs me now, Angel Michael, please, let me go back. No nation grows with selective justice.

Angel Michael: Yes, you must go back to your lake right now! Others are coming to join you soon. Go, I command!

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

News

Soludo Sacks 21 Anambra Transition Committee Chairmen

Published

20 mins ago

May 19, 2024

Editor

Anambra State Governor, Chukwuma Soludo, has sacked all transition committee chairmen across the 21 local government areas of the state.

This is contained in a letter titled ‘Expiration of tenure and handover to Heads of Local Government Administrations (HLGAs),’ dated May 17, 2024, and signed by the state Commissioner for Local Government, Chieftaincy and Community Affairs, Collins Nwabunwanne.

The order takes effect from Monday, May 20, 2024.

The letter read, “Following the expiration of your tenure as Transition Committee Chairman, you are hereby directed to handover the affairs of your Local Government Council to the Head of Local Government Administration (HLGA), in your respective Local Government Councils.

“This directive takes effect from Monday, 20th day of May, 2024. Thank you for your service to the state.

“All replies to be addressed to the Honourable Commissioner.”

The PUNCH reports that the last time LG elections were held in Anambra State was towards the end of former Governor Peter Obi-led administration in 2014.

Since then, the local governments have been run by caretaker committee chairmen.

It was 10 years in January 2024 since the elections were last held, after the administrations of another former governor, Willie Obiano, and incumbent, Soludo.

During a forum organised by the International Peace and Civic Responsibility Centre in collaboration with the African Centre for Leadership and Development in December 2023, stakeholders including monarchs, clerics and residents, urged Soludo to conduct elections in the 21 LGs in the state, adding that governance is suffering at the grassroots due to the non-elected officials.

Meanwhile, Soludo had, during the 2021 governorship campaign and even at his swearing-in as the state governor on March 17, 2022, assured all that he would conduct LG elections within six months in office.

News

Economic Hardship: Pastor Suspends Collection Of Offerings Church[VIDEO]

Published

2 hours ago

May 19, 2024

Editor

A pastor in Lagos state has caught the eyes of Nigerians after announcing the suspension of offering collection in his church.

In a trending video, the pastor could be seen telling his church members that henceforth, offerings will no longer be collected because of the situation of the country.

He stated that in these times that people spend more money to buy petrol and pay more for transportation, it would be unfair to collect offerings from them.

He said until the petrol price is reduced, his church will not collect money from its congregation. He called on all pastors to stop collecting offerings from their congregation.

Watch the video below:

News

Shettima Launches NEDC’s School Enrollment Drive Programme

Published

16 hours ago

May 18, 2024

Editor

Vice President Kashim Shettima has launched the Accelerated Senior Secondary School Education Programme (ASSEP) initiated by the North-East Development Commission (NEDC) in collaboration with the office of the VP to enhance child enrollment drive in schools within the North-East sub-region.

Speaking during the launching of the programme in Bauchi on Saturday, the VP said that consequences of the nation’s action and inaction were evident in all indices used to assess development.

He said while primary education provides a foundation, secondary education is a bridge, adding that the Northeast sub-region has been the victim of inability to enforce a uniform policy to drive school and the persistent cultural perversion to formal education in the country.

“We in the Northeast occupy a quantum of position in ranking of essential services. Education being a key sector of this country, this is especially pronounced in the post primary education, while the Northeast secondary school enrollment drive stands at 19 percent, far below the nation’s 39 percent,” he said.

Earlier, the Managing Director of NEDC, Mohammed Alkali, said that the primary education completion level of 85 per cent in the Northeast is among the best in Nigeria, but secondary school enrolment is a mere 15 per cent, the second worst nationally.

According to him, due to the challenges in the post-primary education segment, JAMB UTME applications and admissions into tertiary institutions in 2019 were the lowest for the Northeast compared to other regions.

He added that, nationally, the Northeast has the lowest number of teachers and the highest percentage 55 per cent of those available are without literacy skills.

The MD also revealed that the challenges in the post-primary education segment include weak quality indices and a wide demand-supply gap driven by economic and cultural factors.

“The Accelerated Senior Secondary Education Programme seeks to boost the post primary education rating across the North East region through improved enrolment into tertiary institutions.

“It’s also to improve skills development as well as the elevation of teacher quality. It would pay special focus on Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics and communication.

“These would foster creativity and critical thinking; motivates and inspires young people to generate new technologies and ideas to learn from inquiry-based tasks,” he said.

Alkali also explained that the programme would also raise awareness about after-school possibilities and the potential for diligent students to become successful and prominent contributors to the North East region and Nigeria at large.

He expressed gratitude to the Federal Government especially, the Vice President for the deep interest and commitment to human development in the North-East.