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OPINION: Absurd Wars, Absurd Lords

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By Lasisi Olagunju

“Don’t fight Man,” said Lion to his Cub, but the Cub didn’t listen. The Cub went looking for Man.

He saw a Bull. “Are you Man?”

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“No, I bear Man’s yoke.”

Next he saw a Horse. “Are you Man?”

“No, Man rides me.”

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Then he saw someone splitting logs with wedges: a Man!

“Fight me, Man!” said the Cub.

“I will! But first, help me split this log.”

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When the Cub put his paws in the crack, Man knocked out the wedge, trapping the Cub’s paws.

The Cub finally pulled Man. loose and went home with bloody paws. Lesson learnt.

The author of that story is ancient storyteller, Aesop. He is believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE. Thousands of years, yet his wisdom endures. American writer and writing instructor, Laura Gibbs, curates and retells the stories in uncountable numbers. If you like to fight, read the above story again. It is from Aesop via Gibbs.

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When you saw ‘war’ in the headline above, you probably thought I was taking a long excursion into the latest theatre of the absurd: drama starring a minister and a soldier dragging an expensive land in Abuja. No.

There was a Yoruba musician called Ayinla Omowura. He was very popular and was rich and ‘powerful’. One day in May 1980, he drove his Mercedes Benz car to a beer parlour in Abeokuta in hot pursuit of his defected band manager. The jilted big man in a big car wanted back an old motorcycle from the ex-manager. There was a push, then a shove; and a fight. A tumbler, hurled in rage, struck the strongman on the head. The rich musician died in that barroom brawl and was buried that day; his place others took in music, in his hometown, and in his home.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Kukah And A Nation Of Marabouts

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Big people take big risks. Sometimes they drag all of us into their trouble. Home and abroad, tired, retired, unretired, almost all Generals, Colonels, Majors, captains and sergeants and corporals lined up behind a ramrod naval Lieutenant. The drill was scary. Think about this: What do you think would have happened to our country if any of the key actors had suffered what Omowura suffered in that moment of anger and banger? And all because of land; earth which belongs to no one. Even Elephant knows that the earth only lends space to those who walk gently upon it. Fragile Chameleon is asked why he walks gingerly. He answers: “So that the ground will not cave in.”

There is another lesson in power and contest for space, this one pure, carefully recorded history:

One hundred and sixty five years ago, Bishop Samuel Ajayi Crowther’s son, Dr. Samuel Crowther Junior, had just returned to Abeokuta from medical school in London. Abeokuta’s native doctors who thought themselves ‘physicians’ were hostile to what he brought. They said no to him practising his alien art in their sphere of influence. There was a face-off, followed by a standoff. They said their power was mightier than the power of the foreign medicine man. When iron strikes iron, one must bend. A contest of powers was agreed upon between the two sides.

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Details of that war of ‘medicine’ is told by an eyewitness, Robert Campbell, in his ‘A Pilgrimage to My Motherland’ (1861); the story was reproduced a hundred years later by A. H. M. Kirk-Greene in his ‘America in the Niger Valley: A Colonization Centenary’. So, how did the battle go? Listen to Campbell:

“Time was given for preparation on both sides. In the afternoon, the regulars appeared, clothed in their most costly garments, and well provided with orishas or charms attached to all of their persons and dress. In the meantime Mr. Crowther had also prepared to receive them. A table was placed in the middle of the room, and on it a dish in which were a few drops of sulphuric acid, so placed that a slight motion of the table would cause it to flow into a mixture of chlorate of potassa and white sugar. A clock was also in the room, from which a small bird issued every hour, and announced the time by cooing. This was arranged so as to coo while they were present.

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“Mr. Crowther then made a brief harangue, and requested them to say who would lead off in the contest. This privilege they accorded to him. The door was closed, the curtains drawn down. All waited in breathless expectation. Presently the bird (in the clock) came out, and to their astonishment cooed twelve times, and suddenly from the midst of the dish burst forth flame and a terrible explosion. The scene that followed was indescribable: one fellow rushed through the window and scampered; another in his consternation took refuge in the bedroom, under the bed, from which he was with difficulty afterwards removed.”

I took the script of that 1860 ‘drama’ to my friend, the scientist. The clock, the cock and the chemistry cocktail. What really happened? My friend said a people that cannot grasp scientific concepts becomes vulnerable to fear and superstition. Dr. Crowther simply staged a drama, essentially a controlled chemical explosion: sulphuric acid (dehydrator and acid catalyst); sugar (fuel), and potassium chlorate (oxidizer). From my friend I learnt that “the mixture reacts violently when combined, producing flame, smoke, and noise.”

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Escaping From Nigeria

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Crowther did not shout, boast, or brandish charms and amulets; there was no incantation. No abuse. No insults. He simply applied science; chemistry: sulphuric acid, sugar, and potassium chlorate; an elegant, potent sequence of oxidiser, fuel, and catalyst. With a clock-bird timed to coo and trigger panic, and with a well-placed chemical reaction prepared to ignite and explode, the young doctor used knowledge (not noise) to demonstrate and assert superiority.

Curses, threats and abuse are pollutants. We had more than enough last week. But enough has been said already about the Abuja land war since it unfolded last week. The raw lesson there is that real, unleavened authority easily defeats loud, raw hubris.

Central to the Abuja land drama of last week is anger and the use of language. It may be too late to bend our dry fishes. But, how do we avoid it in the next set of leaders? I end with this 170-year-old quote:

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“Do all in your power to teach your children self-government. If a child is passionate, teach him by gentle and patient means to curb his temper. If he is greedy, cultivate liberality in him.
If he is selfish, promote generosity.
If he is sulky, charm him out of it,
by encouraging frank good humor…”(‘How to teach Children’ published in ‘The R. I. Schoolmaster’, Vol. 1, No. 5 JULY, 1855).

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Ex-Edo Gov Obaseki Reacts As His Cousin Is Beaten, Stripped

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The immediate past governor of Edo State, Godwin Obaseki, has reacted to the attack on Don Pedro Obaseki, the Chief Executive Officer of Osamudia Farms.

Don Pedro Obaseki, a cousin to the immediate past governor was attacked at Uwa Primary School where he went to play football.

In a viral video, Pedro Obaseki is seen kneeling at the Oba of Benin Palace gate, before he was dragged into the palace where he was asked to crawl before some chief walked up to the scene and rescued him.

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Reacting, the ex-Edo governor described the act as a “grave violation of fundamental human rights and a reckless disregard for the rule of law.”

READ ALSO: Obaseki Beaten, Stripped In Edo

Obaseki, said: “I call on security agencies to immediately investigate this matter thoroughly and transparently, identify those responsible for this barbaric act and ensure they are held accountable in accordance with the law.

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“A situation where thugs and non-state actors appear to freely take the law into their own hands on behalf of high-profile individuals and those in positions of authority can only result in one outcome, a degeneration into a state of anarchy, which will do no one no good.”

He further charged, “I urge human rights organizations, civil society groups, and all well-meaning Nigerians to lend their voices and speak out firmly against this injustice and gross violation of human rights.”

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New Tax Laws: Suspend January 2026 Implementation — Senator Ndume Tells Tinubu

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Former Senate Leader, Ali Ndume has appealed to President Bola Ahmed Tinubu to suspend the January 1, 2026, implementation of the country’s new tax laws amid growing controversy.

The federal lawmaker made the appeal in a statement he issued on Wednesday in Abuja.

This comes as the Nigerian Bar Association demanded the suspension of the implementation.

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Recall that a member of the House of Representatives, Abdussamad Dasuki, had last week called the Parliament’s attention to alleged alteration to the tax laws.

READ ALSO:FIRS Confirms NIN As Tax ID

Chairman of the Presidential Fiscal Policy and Tax Reforms Committee, Taiwo Oyedele, in an interview on Arise Television on Wednesday, called for calm over claims of alterations in tax laws and urged Nigerians to allow lawmakers to complete their investigation before drawing conclusions.

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Speaking on the ongoing controversy about the tax laws, Ndume noted that proceeding with the implementation without getting to the root of the alleged forgery will create a legitimacy challenge for the tax laws.

His statement read, “With the controversy surrounding it, the President should constitute a team to verify the veracity of the claim and act accordingly.

“As the responsive leader that he has always been, he should look at it to find out if the copy that was signed and the claim of alterations are genuine so that he will do the needful to bring the controversy to rest.

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READ ALSO:US Threatens To Sanction Countries That Vote For Shipping Carbon Tax

“If not, the controversy will continue.” That is to say, the tax law will not be implemented, because you can’t build on nothing.

“So, Mr. President should suspend the implementation until the issues are resolved because so many civil society organizations, the Arewa Community, and the Nigerian Bar Association are saying that he should withdraw the tax law and investigate the allegation of forgery.”

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“Therefore, Mr President should get to the root of the allegation of forgery. The small committee that will be set up should look into it while the House of Representatives does its own.”

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Tambuwal Engages Security Agencies As US Airstrikes Hit Own LG In Sokoto

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Senator Aminu Waziri Tambuwal, representing Sokoto South, has called on residents of Sokoto State to remain calm following reports of United States airstrikes targeting ISIS-linked terrorists on Christmas Day.

In a statement posted on his personal X account, the former Sokoto State governor said he was aware of reports concerning the airstrikes, which marked a direct US military action in Nigeria based on intelligence about ISWAP threats, and urged citizens to remain law-abiding while authorities clarify the situation.

“I have noted the reports concerning an airstrike carried out as part of ongoing counterterrorism efforts through cooperation between the federal government of Nigeria and the United States,” Tambuwal said. “I urge our communities to remain calm and law abiding as relevant authorities clarify the circumstances surrounding the operation.”

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READ ALSO:US Dept Of War Shares Video Of Air Strikes In Nigeria

Tambuwal assured constituents that he was engaging with relevant security agencies to obtain full details of the operation and to ensure that necessary things were in place to protect civilians.

I wish to assure the people of Sokoto South that I am in active talks with relevant security authorities to obtain full details and ensure that all necessary safeguards are upheld,” he added.

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The senator emphasised that counterterrorism operations were aimed strictly at criminal and terrorist elements threatening public safety, not innocent civilians who are often victims of insecurity. He stressed that the protection of civilian lives must remain central to all legitimate security actions.

He further called on community leaders, traditional institutions and residents to work closely with security agencies by sharing credible intelligence and resisting misinformation capable of causing fear or heightening tension.

 

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