News

OPINION: Should Elected Nigerian Leaders Undergo Psychiatric Tests?

Published

2 years ago

February 23, 2024

Tunde Odesola

Guitar Boy, Sir Victor Uwaifo, is dead. But the ‘Mami Water’, which he saw at the Bar Beach and sang about in 1966 when he was just 25 years old, lives on. Today, the ‘Mami Water’ swam all the way up from the deep and boomed through a giant loudspeaker at the Ojota motorpark in Lagos, singing: “Guitar Boy/Guitar Boy/If you see mami Water o/If you see mami water o/Never, never you run away/Eh, eh/Never run away, Victor Uwaifo…” Even angels in heaven can’t resist dancing to the electrifying guitarwork of the song. 🎶Pin-pin/🎶dun-dun/🎶pin-pin/🎶dun-dun/🎶pin-pin/ 🎶dun-dun…Guitar Boy!…If you see mami water o…🎶.

A garage thug, Kilimanjaro, sings along with Uwaifo in a gruffy voice, cigarette smoke billowing down his nostrils like a fumes-belching locomotive driven by a grumpy engineman.

“That time wey Mami Water dey tell Victor Uwaifo make e no run, Nigeria never turn into jungle. Now, na Mami Water herself don dey run from Nigerians. If Mami Water and Papi Water show for Naija now, Nigerians go chop dem with dem bones and fins,” Kilimanjoro bellows, coughing big phlegm up his throat, “twah!” he spits it out. “E no go better for my enemies!”

Lepa Shandy, a busybody hawker in the park, moves from one vehicle to the other, selling a jambalaya of medicines. “If you no get wife, girlfriend or olosho, no buy dis medicine o. Make you no go tamper your landlord wife or daughter if you no wan live under bridge,” Lepa Shandy announces.

She brings out another medicine in a colourful pack. “Dis one name na Caterpillar! Make una lift una joyful faces up and behold this one-cure medicine, epa gbogbo ise. Na New Delhi in New York City dem make am. E dey cure hepatitis, glaucoma, leprosy, COVID and AIDS. Dis medicine no dey cure HIV o. Me, I go tell you di truth. Just drink am with rainwater or well water. Das all.”

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“Ehs! Ehs! Wos! Wobi!,” Kilimanjaro calls out to Lepa Shandy, “Shey you still get ‘Total Restoration’?”

“Ha, e don finish, people don rush am but I go get am next tomorrow. Na dollar cause di go-slow. How many packs you want?” “I want half dozen.” “OK, I go bring am next tomorrow.”

Lepa Shandy: “Shey, una dey see so, na my medicine those wey sabi dey ask for so o. ‘Total Restoration’ dey cure all types of worms, obesity, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, bone marrow, diarrhoea, diabetes, too much sweating, poor hearing, weak vision and fear.”

Kilimanjaro: Shey you hear say lion kill person for Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife?

Lepa Shandy: I hear di news o. Man and animal just dey vex for Nigeria. Suffering too much. No difference dey between the Ife lion and Nigerian leaders. Both no get mercy. Both wicked well well.

Kilimanjaro: Di lion for go Az-o-Roc, after e visit Az-o-Roc, make e enter legislature, judiciary and the ministries one by one. After Abuja, make e come dey enter states one by one?

Kilamanjaro: Ha! Dem go kill am!

Lepa Shandy: Kill wetin!? Na Layon I dey talk about o, no bi lion o. Layon na combination of lion and ‘anjonu’ spirit. Even bomb no fit kill Layon. You no sabi say black power dey?

Kilimanjaro: Look, me I believe in action. Make we all comot for street, block everywhere, no work, make everywhere standstill. Na di only language wey our leaders dey hear bi dat.

Lepa Shandy: You don forget wetin happen for Lekki Tollgate?

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Kilimanjaro: Dem stop Lekki riot because na only Lekki di riot take place. If to say other states of the federation join, government for negotiate nah. Government dey tighten poor masses belt, dem dey loose dem own belt. All dia pikin don turn billionaire finish. Poor man no fit chop one meal a day again. Wo, me I wan listen to the great national debate for radio, biko!

Lepa Shandy: Na wah o.

Kilimanjaro: After Buhari ride Nigerian donkey to coma, e kari half-dead donkey give im paddy, Tinubu, wey no fit complain publicly because dem bi Taiwo and Kehinde, different sides of di same coin.

Kilimanjaro: (Tuning the stereo in the road transport union office) When dem go begin di debate sef?

The secretary of the park, Acapela, tells Kilimanjaro to tune the stereo to Radio Enlightenment and Freedom 700.07 FM.

Kilimanjaro: Ha! Dem just dey start di debate. Rich man pikin school versus poor man pikin school. E go loud!

Debate Moderator: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the Great Debate! We have two schools slugging it out today. They’re Overlords Private College, Ikoyi, and Bondage Public School, Ajegunle. The topic of today’s debate is, ‘Should elected Nigerian leaders undergo psychiatric tests?’ Overlords Private College are saying NO to the topic while Bondage Public School are saying YES. The lead speaker of each school has five minutes to speak while the supporting speakers have three minutes each. I hereby welcome the lead speaker of Bondage Public School to the podium.

Bondage Lead Speaker: My name is Idris Ayomeye. I’m from Bondage Public School. I greet the distinguished chairman of this august occasion, the incorruptible panel of judges, the accurate timekeeper, my co-debaters and the esteemed audience.

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(The audience roars into applause)

Bondage Lead Speaker: I’m here to support the motion that Nigerian leaders should and must be subjected to psychiatric tests. Permit me, Mr Chairman, sir, to open my speech with these two Bible quotes: Proverbs 14:34: “Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people”; and Romans 6:1: “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin and expect grace to abound?” These Bible quotations sum up the story of Nigeria, a country, where wickedness and injustice rule. It’s a country where the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission prosecutes and secures the conviction of a Nollywood actor, Oluwadarasimi Omoseyin, for ‘spraying’ the naira while the same EFCC looks the other way when Fuji musician, Alhaji Wasiu Ayinde, and one undignifying monarch, the Olu of Owode, Oba Kolawole Sowemimo, engaged in criminal abuse of the naira. I must commend the Egba Traditional Council for suspending Sowemimo over his disgraceful act. He should be sent back to ipebi for proper tutoring. I don’t know how some characters become obas in Yoruba land.

(Deafening applause. Kilimanjaro, Acapela and many people listening to the debate in the garage jump up in jubilation)

Bondage Lead Speaker: Mr Chairman, sir, Nigeria is a country of promise-and-fail leaders. President Olusegun Obasanjo set up the Oputa panel to try the wrongs of the past, but General Badamosi Babangida, who was accused of many wrongdoings blatantly refused to show up, and nothing happened. Babangida never appeared in court despite incriminating allegations over the death of Dele Giwa. Those who killed MKO Abiola and his wife, Kudirat Abiola, are walking freely today. One of them, a Major, is even pontificating all over the country.

(Kilimanjaro grabs a chair, puts it on his head and dances, shouting, “More! More! More!)

Bondage Lead Speaker: The Presidency, police, ICPC, rights activists, Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps, etc see how people abuse the naira daily, yet they look away. Nigeria looks away as public hospitals have turned into morgues, public schools have become havens for hoodlums, roads have turned into deathtraps, electricity supply has turned to darkness supply! If a country can so brazenly exhibit injustice and brutality, tell me why its elected leaders shouldn’t undergo psychiatric tests. Please, tell me why.

(Shouts of ‘Tell them!’ ‘Tell them!’ Tell them! from the audience fill the hall)

Mr Chairman: (Hits his gavel on the table) Order! Order! Order! (The hall becomes less rambunctious)

Bondage Lead Speaker: (Wipes his face with a handkerchief and sips some water) General Muhammadu Buhari promised to jail the looters in the President Goodluck Jonathan administration. Who did he jail? Were we all not in this country when Patience Jonathan sought a plea bargain? Were we not all in this country when Buhari and his cabal brought in a fake airline as a national carrier, spending millions of dollars on the fake airline? Can someone tell me why our leaders shouldn’t be subjected to psychiatric evaluation? President Tinubu has been in the saddle for almost a year, chasing shadows, haunting the worst Central Bank Governor in the history of the country, Godwin Emefiele, but conspicuously leaving out Buhari, whose bidding Emefiele did. Can someone tell me why our…

Kilimanjaro: Ha!!! NEPA!!! Dem don cut light for studio o! Dem don become uncomfortable o. Haa! Naija and government magic…

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

News

Eating Takeout Food Often May Increase Heart Disease Risk — Study

Published

3 hours ago

December 30, 2025

Editor

Research suggests that higher takeout food consumption may increase a person’s risk of cardiovascular disease, like heart disease.

In a new study, published in Food Science & Nutrition, researchers said eating takeout food too often can influence systemic inflammation that underlies much cardiovascular disease.

The study of over eight thousand people in the 2009 to 2018 U.S. National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) found that those who eat greater amounts of takeout food are likely to have various elevated risk factors for heart disease.

They were interviewed in their homes and also visited a mobile examination centre, where they recalled their food intake, received cardiometabolic health assessments, and had blood collected.

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The researchers found a correlation between the amount of takeout food a person consumes and their likelihood of developing chronic low-level inflammation, a key driver of cardiovascular pathology.

Deaths from cardiovascular disease and the consumption of takeout foods are both on the rise, and while that does not prove a causal relationship, the study explores whether there is a connection between the two.

The study tracked degrees of systemic inflammation according to the Dietary Inflammatory Index (DII), a scale that quantifies the risk of inflammation related to the intake of specific dietary substances.

The three major takeaways from the analysis included that a higher level of takeout food consumption corresponded to an unfavourable cardiometabolic profile consisting of lower HDL, as well as higher triglycerides, fasting glucose, serum insulin, and insulin resistance.

Jayne Morgan, MD, cardiologist and Vice President of Medical Affairs in a reaction, who was not involved in the study, explained that “Takeout food raises the cardiovascular risk not because of one ingredient, but because of a predictable combination of nutrients, additives, and preparation methods that adversely affect blood pressure, lipids, insulin sensitivity, inflammation, and endothelial function.”

“This includes excess sodium that increases blood volume and blood vessel stiffness, and unhealthy fats, usually saturated fats or trans fats, that increase cholesterol level and atherosclerosis, a condition that can lead to heart attack and stroke.”

Michelle Routhenstein, Preventive Cardiology Dietitian at Entirely Nourished, also not involved in this study, declared, “It is also important to recognise that frequent takeout use often reflects broader lifestyle pressures such as demanding schedules, limited access to cooking resources, irregular meals, and disrupted sleep, all of which can quietly compound cardiovascular risk.”

News

How To Identify Fake Kiss Condoms In Circulation

Published

5 hours ago

December 30, 2025

Editor

The National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC) has recently warned Nigerians about the circulation of counterfeit Kiss brand condoms in major markets across the country.

Contents
Original DKT Kiss condoms
Fake Kiss condoms

In a public alert published on its website recently and referenced as Public Alert No. 042/2025, the agency said the warning followed information received from DKT International Nigeria, a non-governmental organisation involved in contraceptive social marketing and HIV/AIDS prevention.

NAFDAC stated, “The National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control is notifying the public about the sale and distribution of fake Kiss condoms in various Nigerian markets.

“The information was received from the MAH-DKT International Nigeria, a leading non-governmental organisation focused on contraceptive social marketing. Its mission is to provide Nigerians with affordable and safe options for family planning and HIV/AIDS prevention.

“The fake Kiss condoms have been reported to be found in Onitsha Market, Idumota Market, Trade Fair Market, and various markets in Kano, Abuja, Uyo, Gombe, Enugu, and others.”

Kiss condom is a brand of male latex condoms designed to offer sexual protection, including the prevention of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections such as HIV, gonorrhoea and syphilis.

To help consumers avoid counterfeit products, NAFDAC outlined key differences between original and fake Kiss condoms.

Original DKT Kiss condoms
The original product comes in a light red box pack with clear instructions printed on the lower part of the pack, including single-use warnings and storage and caution information. The box contains detailed medical device information, including MDSS GmbH, Germany, and a complete Nigerian address at Isolo Industrial Layout, Oshodi-Apapa Expressway.

The condom pack is light red, with the word “Kiss” closely written on six lines. The wallet outer pack is lighter red, carries the Oshodi-Apapa address, manufacturer details, and a clear product description beside the condom image. The hidden flap includes revision dates, medical device details, and caution information, while the wallet inner contains detailed instructions and eight bullet points under important notes.

The original condom is large, oval-shaped, well-lubricated, and has a large teat end for semen collection.

Fake Kiss condoms
In contrast, fake Kiss condoms come in darker-coloured box packs with little or no additional information. Some boxes are plain white inside and lack condom images. The address is wrongly listed as 42, Montgomery Road, Yaba, Lagos, while the manufacturer’s address is incomplete or missing. Storage and caution information is absent.

The condom pack is darker, with “Kiss” loosely written on five lines and wide spacing. The condom strip is longer than the original. The wallet outer pack is also darker red, carries incorrect or missing addresses, lacks colour wave designs, and shows inconsistencies in barcode lines. Medical device and caution information are missing, and the hidden flap contains no details.

Inside the wallet, information is summarised with only six bullet points. The fake condom is thinner, round-shaped, less lubricated, and has a smaller teat end.
(TRIBUNE)

News

Lagos: Police Arrest 14 Suspected Traffic Robbers On Lekki-Epe Expressway

Published

8 hours ago

December 30, 2025

Editor

Fourteen persons suspected to be involved in traffic-related robbery have been arrested at various points along the Lekki-Epe Expressway in Lagos over the past two weeks.

The arrests were confirmed on Tuesday by the Lagos State Police Command spokesperson, SP Abimbola Adebisi, via a post on her official X handle, @AbimbolaShotayo.

According to her, operatives of the Command’s Tactical Squad based in Elemoro carried out the operations that led to the suspects’ apprehension.

She explained that the arrests followed sustained patrols and intelligence-driven operations aimed at curbing criminal activities associated with traffic congestion and improving the safety of motorists and other road users along the busy corridor.

Adebisi noted that the development reflects the Command’s determination to strengthen security and uphold law and order on the Lekki-Epe axis, adding that the Tactical Squad has continued to proactively identify crime-prone areas and respond swiftly to threats posed by criminal elements.

She called on residents and commuters to support police efforts by providing timely and credible information that could assist in preventing and detecting crime.

“Security is a shared responsibility. Members of the public are encouraged to stay alert and promptly report any suspicious movements or activities to the nearest police station,” she said.

The police spokesperson further reassured residents and road users of the Command’s commitment to maintaining aggressive patrols and security operations to protect lives and property in the area.

She reiterated the Command’s community policing message, “See Something, Say Something,” stressing the importance of cooperation between the police and the public in sustaining peace and security.