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OPINION: Can I Tell Our First Lady That Graduates Drive Cabs Here, Too?

Published

2 years ago

March 26, 2024

By Suyi Ayodele

My people have different social stratifications. One of them is a group of people they call olórí àpésín. That simply means those who chose destiny that makes people worship them. Mrs. Oluremi Tinubu numbers among that group. And when you are an olórí àpésín, you don’t feel what the common man feels. And olórí àpésín is like the proverbial child strapped to the mother’s back. He will never get to know how long the journey is. This is exactly Mrs. Tinubu’s fate. She has been strapped to her husband’s back for too long to know how long the journey has been for an average Nigerian, especially in these nine months of her husband in power.

Again, our first lady is not just an olórí àpésín. She is a lot more than that. Looking at her political, financial and social trajectories in the last 25 years, we can comfortably call her an obìrin tí a nfi orí è súre fún obìrin (a woman whose destiny we call upon as blessing to other women). When you are in that classification, reality is completely lost on you. No matter how people in that stratification struggle, they remain apathetic. When you see such persons, you don’t blame them when they are in their most insensitive mode. Rather, you pity them. And, in all honesty, Mrs. Tinubu, and everyone in her class among the pitiless Nigeria’s elite class, has my sympathy.

Last week, Mrs. Tinubu played host to three senators from her home state, Lagos. The trio of Senators Adetokunbo Abiru, Wasiu Eshinlokun Sanni and Ranti Idiat Adebule were in Aso Rock Villa on a courtesy visit to the First Lady. Just imagine how many lucky Nigerian women and housewives have the privilege of receiving in audience, three councillors from their wards. But here, three ‘Distinguished’ senators left whatever they were doing to go to the Presidential Villa to pay homage to the woman after the president’s heart. It was during that visit that Mrs. Tinubu spoke about our conditions. While Nigerians would not know what led to it, we all woke up to watch the video of that visit and what Madam Tinubu said. I hate to make guesses. But, here, I am tempted to think that probably, the three wise men asked Madam Excellency to help talk to her husband to do something about the agony in the land. Don’t take that to the bank, anyway. Then Mrs. Tinubu chose to respond by lashing out at Nigerians who travelled overseas to seek greener pastures and derided them for going abroad to do menial jobs they would not touch with a 10-foot pole in Nigeria.

This is what the wife of our president said: “Look at all those people saying they are going to Japa; they go there. What work are you going to do? You know, work that you refused to do at home where you have loved ones, you now end up to go and do there. With all their education, they’re driving cabs, but they won’t drive cabs here”. She called on Nigerians to help the “poor” among them but added that it is difficult to know the real poor as “…you don’t even know who are the poor. If they don’t ride a car, they will say they are poor. If you don’t have your own home, they will say they are poor.” The president’s wife agreed with the Scripture that “…in the Bible, we even talk about Jesus saying the poor you will always have in the land, and it’s for people whom God has blessed to help the poor.” The summary of her speech as relayed on the Arise TV later is a complete mockery of fellow Nigerians who would not be drivers here in Nigeria but would go to the United Kingdom, Canada, the United States of America and other European countries to go and do menial jobs.

Truth be told, Mrs. Tinubu is right. Yes, Nigerian graduates abroad are cab drivers. Many are caregivers, a euphemism for nannies to old people. Quite a huge number of them are into guard duties. We have those who are cleaners, shop attendants; human payloaders and everything else we can imagine! Many of these folks, and their spouses, hold postgraduate degrees from reputable Nigerian universities. Pity! Again, another truth from Mrs. Tinubu is that these Nigerians would never accept those menial crafts they do with all enthusiasm abroad back home in Nigeria. Truth is bitter. But that is where it ends for Mrs. Tinubu and those other elites with similar warped mentality.

I don’t know much about the activities of witches and their act and art – witchcraft. But I know a little bit of their categorisation. I know the female ones called Àjé (witches), and their male counterparts known as Osó (wizards). Àjé and Osó, are the mildest of the group. At times, they can be appeased. Their level of wickedness can also be curtailed and managed. Next to that class is the Olubi (purveyor of evil). This set ranks higher than Àjé or Osó in that you don’t have to offend an Olubi before she attacks you. These ones are simply not at home with their victims’ wellbeing, the generosity or kindness of the victims towards them notwithstanding. In fact, it is better not to show an Olubi any kindness than to seek to please her. The elder sibling of Olubi is Ofíndòdo. Those in this league combine wickedness with fury. They fight their victims without relenting. They are simply temperamental! And they don’t need any reason to strike. They are the sadists of the groupings. The worst of them all is what people in my locality call Ukòtò (Pit). Ukòtò does not fight her victims. She swallows them. She afflicts them with all manner of plagues. Ukòtò ruins her victims to no end. If for instance, a victim is taken to those who should know and they discover that he or she is under the affliction of an Ukòtò, the one consulted to help stylishly backs out. Why? Ukòtò gets angrier the moment an attempt is made to pacify her. Victims of an Ukòtò don’t get help; no antidote works for them. They are simply ruined for life except the cosmic intervenes on its own. Nigerians are at the mercy of Ukòtòs at the moment. Our leaders combine all the peculiarities of the aforementioned esoteric beings to afflict the citizenry. That is why they have no pity on us. They speak to us as if we don’t matter. And, really, we don’t matter to our leaders. Their hearts have been seared with hot iron; they have sold their souls to Hades. They are as cold-hearted, as they are dead to our pains. Nothing moves them. Nothing pricks their conscience.

A woman at the level of Mrs. Tinubu should have been more circumspect. But she can’t be because that is not the nature of people in her caste. Yes, Nigerians go abroad to work as cab drivers; a job they would not do in Nigeria. But, has Madam Tinubu asked herself where the roads for those Diasporan Nigerians to drive cabs in Nigeria are? If they elect to be drivers here, who guarantees their safety from kidnappers, killer-herdsmen, bandits and other criminals that have taken over our highways and local roads? Does it occur to our First Lady that many of those Nigerians driving cabs abroad were frustrated out of this country? The other time, I saw a video of a young lady, who left her banking job in one of the most prominent banks in Nigeria to pick up a cleaning job in the UK while also going to school there. I asked a friend who also left that same bank as a senior manager to take up a less paying job somewhere else in Nigeria, what the problem is with that particular bank. His response was that the problem cuts across the Nigerian banking industry. He explained that our banking industry is a place where you employ a young graduate and you give her unachievable targets. When such a marketer, mostly a beautiful lady, cannot go the “extra mile”, a sort of euphemism for “corporate prostitution”, she gets fired! He added that that is what is responsible for high staff turnover in most banks. What other options do those victims of the wicked corporate environment have other than to Japa (migrate) to go and do cab-driving (for the males), and cleaning or care-giving (for the females). The banks and other exploitative corporate bodies get away with all the inhuman treatments of their employees because the regulatory bodies saddled with the responsibilities of checking those excesses and near-second slavery treatments have been compromised. That in itself is a failure on the part of the government and that is where Mrs. Tinubu should direct her attention to rather than deriding Nigerians who travel out to do jobs that are below their qualifications. At a time in his life, Mrs. Tinubu’s husband also japed to God’s Own country, America, before he became somebody. So, what’s the fuss about?

It is convenient for the First Lady to talk the way she did because she would never be in the position of parents who laboured to train their children and wards in schools and those graduates stay at home for years without any job. Mrs. Tinubu’s children, I believe, have never had any reason to Japa, because they are either Abimbola (born with wealth), or Mobolanle (I met wealth at home). Her children will never think of going abroad to drive cabs because if they are not Iyaloja General of Nigeria, their husbands are chairmen of Boards of big government parastatals. When we talk about children born with silver spoons, Madam Tinubu’s children simply swallowed the silver spoon and the melting machine at birth. How would their mother not reason the way she did? Has it occurred to her that most parents, whose children are the cab drivers she referred to, are at pains seeing their medical doctor-trained children turn mere cab drivers? When was the last time Mrs. Tinubu took a cab in Nigeria? I have come across scores of Bolt cab drivers who are university graduates on the streets of Nigeria. So, I can conveniently tell Her Excellency that it is not true that Nigerian graduates are not cab drivers here. Some of them are dry cleaners, shoemakers, sales girls and boys in malls and other menial jobs. Most kiosks where the business of Point of Sales (POS) is carried out are owned and manned by graduates! Madam first lady should get on the street to know this fact!

Methinks our leaders need to think more deeply before they talk. Nothing is more painful for victims of Ukoto than to see the same people who put them in such terrible conditions laugh at them! Mrs. Tinubu’s husband was once a senator. He later became governor of Lagos State for eight years. For those eight years, Madam was the First Lady of Lagos. She had all the good things in life. At a time, the husband made her a senator and she occupied that position for another 12 years. In the last nine months, Mrs. Tinubu has occupied the unconstitutional office of the First Lady of Nigeria. A few months ago, she had the privilege of having the sum of N1.5 billion ‘voted’ to her office for cars and other sundry items. Everything she has enjoyed in the last 25 years is at the expense of our common patrimony. In the real sene of it, she an omo ijobo (government pikin)! She is the typical ant in a bowl of sugar (eera inu sugar); she can never understand that there is pain in the land. She lives in a fortress, secured by the State. When she ventures out of the Villa, she has a company of soldiers and other security agents attending to her safety. How would she know then that many of us recite Psalm 91 almost seven times before we dare travel from one location to another? She is a typical eni aye ye (the one life has favoured). The tendency for her to look down on others is high. I only hope she knows the full meaning of Atubotan (the hereafter). Vengeance will one day cry on all our leaders! Ise!

It is sad that Nigerians are being shipped daily abroad for second slavery. If our leaders, especially of this ruinous epoch, had done what is right, we would have no reason to travel to be slaves in the UK, Canada, or any other country for that matter. My late parents-in-law studied in the UK in the late 60s. My late mother-in-law told me that they did not wait for the results of their final examinations to be out before they sailed back to Nigeria. Why? Because Nigeria was good then. That was a period we had human beings as leaders; leaders who put the country first before selves. Those were leaders who never boasted of being richer than a state. Our situation became bad when locusts took over our political space. We are worse off now because we have Ukotos at the helm of our affairs. Witches and their siblings don’t normally fly in the daytime. However, the present ones in power hold courts in broad daylight. While the electioneering that brought Mrs. Tinubu and her husband to Aso Rock lasted, she told all of us that her family was too rich to be bothered about our treasury. Mrs. Tinubu knows how far her riches and those of her husband would go in solving the problems of our graduates going abroad to drive cabs! In her last week’s engagement, she referred us back to the Bible. She made a biblical allusion to the presence of the poor in our midst. I love that! Today is Tuesday. As a good Christian, and in the spirit of Bible study, permit me to commend Her Excellency to the injunction of our Lord Jesus Christ, who told one of the ‘righteous’ Pharisees thus: “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasures in heaven; and come and follow me” (Matthew 19-21).

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I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

Published

8 hours ago

November 3, 2025

Editor

The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.

Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.

His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.

It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.

The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.

Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.

“I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”

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OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

Published

10 hours ago

November 3, 2025

Editor

By Lasisi Olagunju

Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?

I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?

What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.

Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.

Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:

“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”

America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:

“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”

Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: ‘Federal Highways of Horror’

“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.

“Where is anywhere?”

It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.

I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!

It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Ofala: Glo And An Invite From Agbogidi

I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.

As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.

So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.

We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.

So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.

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OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

Published

10 hours ago

November 3, 2025

Editor

By Lasisi Olagunju

Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!

It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.

They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.

I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.

Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.

In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).

In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.

In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).

In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.

Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.

We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.

President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.

Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: Escaping From Nigeria

We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.

Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.

In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.

Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.

Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:

Gerere,

Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,

Gerere…

(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).

People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION Generals, Marabouts And Boko Haram

I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?

‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.

Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”

Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.

Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.

I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.

The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.

A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: ‘Federal Highways of Horror’

This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,…”

Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?

Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.

The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.

This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.

In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:

“Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:

“The final stage of life

that ends this strange and eventful journey

is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;

without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”

The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.