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OPINION: I Will Make You Disappear!

Published

11 months ago

November 1, 2024

Editor

Tunde Odesola

To speak tongue-in-cheek is to say, “Na Baba kill Dele Giwa.” But to speak matter-of-factly is to say, “Dele Giwa was killed in his ‘gida’”. ‘Gida’ is a Hausa word for house. If you like, add ‘gida’ to Baba, na you sabi.

It was a Sunday morning, almost 38 years ago, when a faceless porter of death delivered a letter bomb at the Ikeja house of the Editor-in-Chief of Newswatch magazine, Dele Giwa.

The then-Director, National Intelligence Agency of Nigeria, Brigadier General Haliru Akilu, had reportedly called Giwa’s wife, Funmi, thrice on Saturday, and 45 minutes earlier before the delivered letter bomb went off on Sunday; Akilu, now 76, was asking for directions to Giwa’s house when he called Funmi.

Seated in his dining room on the fateful Sunday morning, Giwa, who was having breakfast with a junior colleague, Kayode Soyinka, received the letter from his son, Billy, and seeing Nigeria’s coat of arms on the letter, said, “This must be from the President,” tearing open the letter, which tore his life apart.

Giwa’s death was more excruciating than death by firing squad because death didn’t come quickly, it was in instalments; he fought death, watching his intestines, flesh and blood splatter across the walls of his dining room like an undead cockroach struggling to move with a squashed abdomen.

In the valley of the shadow of death, the brave Giwa looked down at his shattered bowels and groin and said, “They have got me.” The dripping remains of the model journalist were lifted like a disembowelled roadkill, packed into a vehicle, and rushed to the hospital, where he gave up the ghost. What a death! What a life

On October 19, it would be exactly 38 years since Giwa was blown out of existence, leaving the nation reeling in horror, with Nigerians wondering what could the then-military President, General Ibrahim Babangida, Akilu and other top security chiefs, including the Deputy Director of SSS, retired Lt. Col. A.K. Togun, be hiding that made them repeatedly shun the Nigerian Human Rights Violations Investigations Commission headed by the late Justice Chukwudifu Oputa? May the killers of Dele Giwa forever be haunted.

Apart from pricking our national conscience and calling for the trial of Babangida, Akilu, Togun and co, my reference to Dele Giwa as a metaphor for dictatorship aims to illustrate the difference between speaking tongue-in-cheek and speaking matter-of-factly, though this column is not rivalling Akeem Lasisi’s PUNCH newspaper column, which teaches Use of English.

In this discourse, I elect to speak tongue-in-cheek because the topic is about a species of primates called the rhesus monkey. You know, monkeys don’t speak human language, though they are smart animals. However, monkeys read lips and understand human sounds, which they relate to. So, I’ll speak tongue-in-cheek, not matter-of-factly, and it will take only the deep to understand me.

Writing and painting are distinct forms of human expression. Since the advent of recorded history, the quill and the ink have explored human thought and distilled imagination in vivid portrayals. On the other hand, painting is the creative stroke of the brush dipped in colourful gloss and emulsion of communication, expressing plain and esoteric meanings.

Macaca Mulatta is the scientific name of the rhesus monkey. To get a striking picture of what the animal looks like, I beg you to google ‘rhesus monkey’ and see how closely it resembles Alexi, the new monkey in the state-of-the-art Abuja zoo commissioned a little over a year ago. Combining my written description and googling the picture of the rhesus monkey will clear all doubts about the looks and identity of Alexi.

Alexi is the latest addition to the growing list of animals attacking humans in Nigeria’s seat of power, Abuja. Alexi is an animal among humans. In ‘Beasts of No Nation’, maverick Afrobeats superstar, Fela Anikulapo, describes some leaders as animals in human skin.

Mulatta is the female version of mulatto. Both names refer to a person of mixed white and black ancestry. That the rhesus monkey is scientifically named Macaca mulatta may mean that this caste of primates is matriarchal. While most human communities are patriarchal, some are matriarchal, a pointer to the evolutionary interrelatedness among species in the Animal Kingdom, ìse ènìyàn ni ìse eranko.

Research shows that the rhesus monkey can be considered mixed-breed because of hybridisation between its Chinese and Indian subspecies. Over the years, however, the rhesus monkey has been admixed with many other species, which ostensibly include the African caste.

Humans and monkeys indeed have an enduring relationship. In 1948, Man put the rhesus monkey in a one-passenger rocket but the monkey died during the space flight. Not to make the monkey family hard done by, on June 14, 1949, Man put another rhesus monkey named Albert II, on a one-passenger space flight, becoming the first primate and first mammal in space.

I do not know if Alexi, the latest tyrannic monkey in Abuja, is related to Albert II or not. But I know Alexi doesn’t have half the brain of Albert II. Unlike Alexi, Albert II was certainly not an idiot. To fly a space rocket, Albert II couldn’t have been a conceited bully and hateful megalomaniac. The space flight Albert II successfully executed in 1949 and the disgraceful behaviour displayed by one of his great-grandsons, Alexi, in Abuja, show that, for Alexi, sawdust lies in the place where Albert II had brains.

Since time immemorial, Man has found the monkey a good ally in security provision and groundbreaking medical research, thereby permitting monkeys to live among humans.

One of the lucky monkeys privileged to live among humans is Alexi who operates in the Abuja zoo. Alexi, like humans, sleeps in bed, walks on two legs, drives cars and eats eggs. Because of the deeds of some of his forebears, including Albert II, Alexi was entrusted with a position in the Legislative Assembly.

One day, arrogance and ambition gripped Alexi as he looked in the mirror and noticed the striking resemblance he shared with Man. He smiled and said to himself, “Look at yourself, Alexi! Look at you! Who can ever know that you’re originally a monkey? Ol’ boy, it’s high time you transmuted fully into Man.”

He is so obsessed with vainglory and power that he thinks only about himself and feels he can get away with anything. One day, he conjured the spirit of Ìjímèrè, the forebear of all monkeys.

Ìjímèrè appeared in his hairy glory – an oblong head above a narrow chest, long slim hands, scratchy nails, slitty eyes, angular legs and a lipless mouth. Alexi told Ìjímèrè he wants to become human. Ìjímèrè rebuked Alexi for not being contented with his place in nature, warning that shame lay ahead of the journey the young monkey was about to embark on.

Alexi cried and begged Ìjímèrè to tell him the secret of how to turn into a human being. Ìjímèrè pleaded with his descendant but Alexi wouldn’t listen. So, Ìjímèrè told him what to do.

“Alexi, my descendant,” Ìjímèrè began, “I can see that self-conceit, overambition and power drunkenness are behind your wish to become human. You’re not doing it for the sake of the lineage. This is not the first time an enwe would attempt to become human. Each past attempt ended in disaster. Before I grant your wish, however, I will summon Lágídò, so that I can have a witness.”

Ìjímèrè recited some monkey chants and Lágídò appears. “You summon me, Great One,” said Lágídò, looking around and settling her eyes on Alexi.

“Yes, I did,” Ìjímèrè said, adding, “It’s one of our descendants,” pointing to Alexi, “Who wants to become human. I have tried to dissuade him from towing the path of destruction but he won’t listen. So, I want to grant him his wish by revealing to him the secret of how to become human. I only want you to be my witness.”

Ìjímèrè coughed deeply and continued, “Alexi, here are three taboos you must desist from – to become human. One, you must never touch snails. Two, you must never look down on Man. Three, you must be humble.”

“Is that all, Baba Ìjímèrè?” asked an anxious Alexi. “No, it remains one more thing,” Ìjímèrè said, “You must sit for three hours by your gate every night for seven days, wearing simple clothes, reciting the panegyrics of our lineage and doing deeds of kindness.”

“Yes, Baba,” Alexi scrambled to his feet from where he knelt and hurtled out without saying goodbye.

Lágídò said, “Doom looms ahead of the prideful and impatient fellow. The signs of ominous disaster are clear.”

On his seventh day at the gate, a short man bolted towards Alexi, holding a package in his hands, beckoning to Alexi. Alexi became livid with rage, “How dare you subhuman beckon to me? Can’t you come to me? Do you know who I am? Imagine this rat? I can make you disappear!”

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

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I Apologise For Mutilating You, Let’s Reconcile, Former FGM Tells Estranged Daughter

Published

8 minutes ago

September 27, 2025

Editor

Mrs Bridget Omobude, 56, a former Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) practitioner who cut girls for more than three decades, admitted to mutilating even her daughter, a decision that fractured their relationship.

For Omogbode, reneging on female genital mutilation, a trade she learnt and had been involved with from age 11, was because of her daughter, who had relocated abroad.

Her daughter called to confirm whether she was genitally mutilated as a baby. Her mother’s affirmation led to her daughter stopping talking or receiving her calls.

Although Mrs Omobude tried all she could, to date, her daughter had stopped talking to or receiving her calls.

Mrs Omobude, now an advocate for FGM, believes that maybe when her daughter reads about her apology, she might be forgiven.

Omobude said, “When I joined this programme, I was happy to be with the children. My family has always cared for children; it’s a tradition passed down from my great-grandmother to my mother and now to us. When they brought the children for the service, we held them so we could learn how to care for them properly.

“I have surrendered my knife as a cutter, though I used to carry out the procedure on only family members. But with the experience I am having with my daughter now, I recommend other cutters stop this hazardous act.”

Mrs Sakirat Makinde (not her real name) is a survivor of FGM and a mother of five girls and a boy. Three of her female children had already been cut (circumcised).

“I am a mother of six: a boy and five girls. Among those five girls, three are circumcised. The reason why the remaining two were not circumcised is that when I gave birth to my number five girl, there was no money to circumcise her,” recounted Mrs Makinde.

She added, “So when I gave birth to the last one, I was now planning to circumcise the two of them together. So when I heard that the money they told me was big, I went back home hoping that maybe later I would go back to circumcise them, but I didn’t go back.

“Till the beginning of this year, 2025, I was still planning to go for those two because they said when they’re not circumcised, they would not stay with one husband due to promiscuity myths and beliefs.

“This was about 12 years and nine years ago, as the children are now between 12 and nine years old. At that time, I was asked to pay N12,000 each for the two of them. It was while I was still planning how to circumcise them that a female chemist introduced the FGM programme to me, which I attended,” she said.

Another FGM survivor, Hannah (not her real name), said the painful experience has left her struggling to enjoy sexual intimacy with her partner.

The 38-year-old lady from the indigenous Igbo tribe in Enugu State said that she was cut without her consent on the orders of family members.

Hannah described FGM as barbaric and unnecessary, urging those involved in the practice to stop, saying the trauma still lingers, making her feel less feminine.

Meanwhile, Hannah, who was a victim of this act, joined the practice at age 25 and operated on girls, too. She told how girls were subjected to the surgery with no anaesthetic and bled severely.

She noted that the cutting comes with physical complications, severe pain, excessive bleeding, infections, urinary issues, menstrual problems, emotional trauma, and psychological effects, including anxiety, depression, and sexual dysfunction.

Another survivor of FGM and secondary school teacher, Doris Akare, in Edo State, was mutilated at 8 days old. This made her spend an extra three months at Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, LUTH.

“FGM is a no-no for me. Every mythical belief about the promiscuity of women is not good.”

She blames some elders for sticking to this traditional practice and harassing individuals who refuse to comply with their beliefs and values.

At a two-day media dialogue in Benin, organised by the Oyo State Ministry of Information and Orientation in collaboration with UNICEF, these survivors and campaigners shared their pains and the devastating impact of FGM.

They are transforming their personal trauma into powerful advocacy, determined to end a practice that continues to scar millions of Nigerian women and girls.

The Chief of UNICEF, Lagos Field Office, Celine Lafoucriere, said at the media parley that nearly 20 million women and girls in Nigeria had undergone FGM, ranking third highest globally.

“This is a huge number that we cannot be blind or deaf to,” she said.

Lafoucriere said that despite being outlawed in Nigeria, FGM persists in numerous Nigerian communities, adding that the practice is fuelled by myths and traditions and should be acknowledged as detrimental.

She emphasised that no cultural or traditional practice should compromise girls’ health, rights, or prospects.

In her remarks, Blessing Ejiofor, UNICEF Communication Officer at the Lagos Field Office, noted that while campaigns have led to a decline in FGM, the advocacy efforts aim for its complete elimination.

Ejiofor, who declared that no woman should undergo the harmful process of FGM, revealed that it was now a criminal offence in Nigeria to engage in it.

Moreover, the Child Protection Specialist, UNICEF Lagos Office, Dennis Onoise, said that the testimonies from the survivors and former practitioners are enough evidence that FGM is not only harmful but also dangerous to the lives and livelihoods of women.

“We need to reach out to community members and say we want to abandon this practice. We can no longer continue with this practice; we are not helping the people we cut in terms of reproductive health. It doesn’t help the woman to enjoy her body. It does not curb promiscuity, so its purpose is defeated,” Onoise declared.
(TRIBUNE)

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Nigeria Needs 1.2 Million Teachers — FEDCOLE Ofeme Chairman

Published

1 hour ago

September 27, 2025

Editor

Chairman, Governing Council, Federal College of Education, Ofeme-Ohuhu in Umuahia North LGA, Hajjia Rabia Hussain Adamu, has said that Nigeria is in dire need of over 1.2 million teachers, describing this deficit in the education sector as the biggest crisis.

Adamu disclosed this on Friday on the occasion of the maiden matriculation ceremony of the college.

She said, “The biggest crisis point in Nigeria is the teacher crisis. We have a gap of about 1.2 million teachers. We need 1.2 million teachers minimum for Nigerian classes to be adequately provided for.

“The ratio that we have is supposed to be 1 to 25, one teacher to 25 pupils. But there are schools in this country where you have one teacher to 300, one teacher to 400, one teacher to 500. I would like to believe that the interest that you have shown in coming to a college of education is to become a teacher”.

Taking a critical look of the departmentmental spread of the 160 matriculants, Hajjia Adamu regretted, “a hundred and sixty students are matriculating today.

“Across all the subject areas, I have noticed that there is a lot of people, a lot of interest in business, education sector, followed by political science, social studies. From my mental calculation, I think there are about 44 people wanting to study business.

“About 20 in social sciences, sociology, social work, social studies rather, and then there are about 15 in political science or thereabout. This is very good, but as a teacher and as a player in the education team, in the education sector, as a team leader of some sort in any activity that relates to education in Nigeria, I think that this admission profile is saying a lot. Nigeria is at the threshold of a crisis in the education sector, and we all know that”.

Addressing the matriculants, she warned, “I know many people would not agree with me, even most of you there. So you go for a business education, I hope I will not come back after five years and find you in the markets, not in my classrooms. I hope I will not come back in three or five years and find you in customs, immigration, and so on and so forth.

“This is what is happening to the teaching profession. So please, my message to you all today, please, we need teachers. If there are no teachers, there is no future. And if there is no future, who will teach your children? Who will teach your grandchildren? Who will provide the leaders of tomorrow? The teachers make the presidents. The teachers make the engineers. They make the architects, the doctors, the lawyers, and everybody else.

“So if you all run away from teaching, there is going to be a bigger crisis. So please, I would like to call upon you all matriculating students, to ensure that you remain within this profession. I promise you, Nigeria will not disappoint you. And I believe that your reward is not only in heaven. Your reward definitely, you deserve it here on earth. I don’t know whether I can make a promise, but I want to believe the work that the provost and his team will be doing here will ensure that we keep engaging the critical stakeholders, the critical providers, to make sure teaching is once more restored. So we are having problems not only in general classrooms, but in the rural areas especially we don’t have teachers.

She stated that Nigeria is thinking towards moving forward and thinking of giving teachers the requisite recognition through a policy called the National Teacher Education Policy, explaining, “that policy is talking about how to make teachers’ salaries, welfare, at the forefront of the government of the day, especially. So a lot of reforms are coming. And the reforms are supposed to make sure that the teaching profession is restored to its previous glorious days.

“So I know that most of you will be going to the rural areas, but I am appealing to you to consider going to rural areas because that is where the work is. We need to do that. We cannot continue to have zero access to education in the rural areas. But we find a lot of the NCEE graduates preferring to teach in the urban areas and also in secondary schools. That is why the quality of education in this country is getting worse and worse and worse every day. You find that the unqualified teachers are the ones teaching the foundation years. Foundation schools are very important. And that brings my mind to another issue that I noticed in the profile of the graduating students today.

“Primary education is the bedrock of the education sector. I’d like to see more people coming into the PAS department, the Primary Education Studies department, to provide quality teachers for the primary education sector. I know that you’re also teaching in the junior secondary school sector, but the most important foundational stage is the primary school. This is the way to go in Nigeria if we want to change the education profile of this country”.

In her speech, the state Commissioner for Tertiary Education, Professor Uche Eme-Uche, represented by her Permanent Secretary, Barr Chinyere Okeziem-Nwoko explained, “teacher education, is the backbone of any progressive society. As aspiring educators, you are not just pursuing a career you are embracing a calling. You are being prepared to become leaders in classrooms, mentors in communities, and role models in our society.

“In Abia State, our education loving Governor Dr Alex Chioma Otti, recognizes the vital role that Colleges of Education play in the training of qualified teachers. This is why the State through Ministry of Tertiary Education continues to work closely with our institutions to improve infrastructure, revise curriculum to meet contemporary needs, enhance research capacity, and ensure the overall quality of teacher training. The world is changing rapidly, and the classrooms of today are not the same as those of yesterday. As future teachers, you must be equipped not only to teach but also to inspire creativity resilience, and innovation among your future students”.

Earlier in his speech, the Provost of the school, Dr. Titus Ezeme informed, “the College has been allocated a take-off grant by the Tertiary Education Trust Fund (TETFUND). We also look forward, with optimism, to further interventions from TETFUND and other relevant agencies, which will help consolidate the infrastructural foundation of our young institution.”

While highlighting federal government interventions in the institution, the construction of a 74-room female hostel, the Provost called for assistance over modern lecture theatres and academic staff blocks, building complexes, a reliable generating set and solar lighting system, construction of the college access road and internal roads, modern administrative block, modern library complex, ICT building, college clinic, perimeter fencing and operational and utility vehicles.
(TRIBUNE)

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‘Your Suffering Is Pain Of Painful Surgery’, Tinubu Tells Nigerians At Ladoja’s Coronation

Published

2 hours ago

September 27, 2025

Editor

President Bola Ahmed Tinubu has assured Nigerians that there would be light at the end of the tunnel, saying their “suffering is a pain of painful surgery”.

This comes on the heels of economic hardship caused by his reforms since assuming office as president.

Tinubu, while giving his remarks at the coronation of the 44th Olubadan of Ibadanland, His Imperial Majesty Oba Rashidi Ladoja, thanked Nigerians for standing with his government.

His words; “Thanks for taking care of me (referring to the people of Ibadan). I’m here today to tell you to stand with me, and that it is my turn, and we are there.

“To many of you here present, today I’m honoured and very proud to give you the cheering news that economy has turned the corner. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Your suffering is a pain of a painful a surgery, but is now returned to the moment of growth and prosperity is awaiting us ahead”.

Earlier, Oyo Governor Seyi Makinde presented the Staff of Office to Oba Rashidi Ladoja, as the 44th Olubadan of Ibadanland.

The governor made the presentation at the coronation ceremony of the new Olubadan, held at the historic Mapo Hall on Friday.
(TRIBUNE)