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OPINION: ‘Our Doc, Who Art In The National Palace’

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On April 23, 1971, the New York Times did a feature on Haitian tyrant, Francois Duvalier, infamously known as Papa Doc. It reported Duvalier as getting Haitian children indoctrinated with a political catechism which parodied Christians’ The Lord’s Prayer, thus: “Our Doc, who art in the National Palace for life, Hallowed be Thy name by present and future generations. Thy will be done at Port‐au‐Prince and in the provinces. Give us this day our new Haiti and never forgive the trespasses of the anti patriots who spit every day on our country; let them succumb to temptation, and under the weight of their venom, deliver them not from any evil . . .”

Since the antonym of democracy is autocracy, is Nigeria sliding into autocracy? Ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo didn’t explicitly say so but believes democracy is dead in Nigeria. Peter Obi shared same view. At a symposium to mark the 60th birthday of former Deputy Speaker of the House of Representatives, Hon Emeka Ihedioha, Obasanjo proclaimed the death of democracy, not only in Nigeria but Africa. In 2008, in an assessment of the state of democracy in Africa, Larry Diamond, American political sociologist and scholar who specializes in democracy studies, submitted that, “the statistics (of the practice of democracy in Africa) tell a grim story.” I will visit these grim statistics presently. Argentine economist, Danielçccc Kaufman and his colleagues at the World Bank, developed six measures with which we can assess the quality of democracy in any country. Africa, Nigeria recorded dismal failure in virtually all of them.

One of the measurements is, voice and accountability. Voice entails freedom of expression and citizen participation in governance. In other words, governmental tolerance for dissent is a major kernel of democracy. In the fawning stampedes by Delta State government apparati last week to defend federal power, you can glean the enveloping tyrannic character of the current Nigerian state. Officials of government had earlier fought mere Nursing school girls’ tantrums in the “See your Mama” viral video against First Lady Remi Tinubu in Asaba. You would think it was a world war. Though minute and seemingly insignificant, but for immediate massive responses on social media, threats to deal with the students would have been activated. I will cite a historical example of tolerance for dissent that showcases the Asaba attempt to silence voices as indicative of undemocratic attitude.

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At the Adeseun Ogundoyin Polytechnic convocation lecture I delivered in 2022 with the title, Re-inventing polytechnic education for 21st-century Nigeria, I cited the example of the first civilian governor of Oyo State, Chief Bola Ige. Sometime between 1979 and 1983, Ige had visited the Ibadan Main Campus of the polytechnic. In their characteristic tantrums, the students became rude and uncontrollable. In an unsparing tongue-lash characteristic of the man widely credited for his lingual exceptionalism, the governor landed the students a fusillade of vitriolic attack. He said: “I am happy your Rector is a holder of a PhD in Animal Science; he will apply it on all of you!” Decency will not permit the reproduction here of the vile and insulting reply, laced with thunderous howls and delivered as a song, with which the students replied Ige. Not long after, some primary school pupils paid Ige a courtesy visit. He ostensibly saw it as an opportunity to even the score. So, in advising the pupils on their life trajectory, the governor told them that whilst walking towards Sango, a street in the capital city, (as metaphor for furthering their education) rather than make a detour towards Ijokodo, (where Ibadan Polytechnic is located) they should rather go straight to Ojoo. Ojoo is the route that leads to the University of Ibadan. That was where it ended. No institutional sanction against Ibadan Poly students.

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Last week, Nigeria erupted in discussions on whether the practice of democracy in Africa, Nigeria had failed. Though concerns about democracy in Nigeria predate Bola Tinubu, they have reached feverish pace today. As we speak, the name Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan is almost becoming a legislative history in Nigeria. In our very before, a dalliance of senatorial leadership impunity, in cahoots with Kogi government’s democratic irreverence, is about to produce a sour broth that Nigerians will be forced to swallow. The only recourse the people have is to look skywards, with tears coursing down their cheeks and mutter, “Let them cover themselves with the shroud of a thick mortar after shooting an arrow into the sky; if the king of this earth does not apprehend them, the King in heaven surely will.”

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In the same vein, a few weeks ago, an NYSC member who complained about the deteriorating state of Nigerians’ well-being was threatened into submission. I submit that the Asaba event and an earlier Seyi Tinubu’s quest to turn his father into the father of Nigeria in Adamawa State are fatherlizing and motherlizing attempts which are no happenstances. It is the beginning of the mutation of the cells of the opposite of democracy. Duvalier pioneered this seemingly benign misbiology in Haiti. At the beginning of his tyranny, he got his own Villaswill Akpabio-led rubber‐stamp legislature to proclaim him as “Spiritual Father of the Nation.” In the capital city, Port‐au Prince, Duvalier ordered “spontaneous” demonstrations of affection towards him, as it is done on the social media today where thousands of largely illiterate and desperately poor Haitians were tricked to frenziedly scream, “Du‐val‐yeah!” and “Viva Papa Doc!”

The federal government’s infamous odyssey in Rivers State in close to two years now is perceived by watchers of Nigeria’s tottering democracy as a manifestation of a totalitarian tendency. Its cells will spread presently. When they do, we will all be in trouble. The recent tactic was to make a Bukar Suka Dimka of Rivers’ ex-Head of Service, George Nwaeke and claim that he was a witness to suspended governor, Siminalayi Fubara’s alleged treasonable plan to bomb oil installations. The ultimate script is to finally try Fubara for treason. Dimka, you will recall, was the coup plotter who, after his capture in March, 1976, sang like canary to implicate, among others, Major General Illiya Bisalla. His claims were never corroborated, leading to Bisalla’s execution. The viral video of Nwaeke’s wife which affirmed a guerrilla capture of her husband by federal forces so as to incriminate Fubara must have let Nigeria into the window of a frightening re-calibration of Duvalier in Nigeria. Robert Mugabe didn’t just leap into tyranny; he grew, like a mustard seed, into it.

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A cartoon which went viral last week explains the configuration of Nigeria’s present “democracy”. A man with huge double pockets, depicted as “executive,” had inside the pockets castrated urchins tagged as “legislature” and “judiciary”. To explain this unholy matrimony, ex-vice President Atiku Abubakar did away with niceties and diplomatese that are the handmaidens of Nigerian politicians. The Senate President and the National Assembly, he pronounced, are compromised and corrupt. To corroborate Abubakar and the newspaper cartoon, a little over a week ago, taciturn President Goodluck Jonathan drew his own cartoon strokes of the current state of Nigeria’s “democracy”. He accused the three arms of government as being a tripartite axis of evil who were complicit in the Rivers imbroglio. He said: “No businessman can bring his money to invest in a country where the judiciary is compromised; where government functionaries can dictate to judges what judgment they will give.” Jonathan deployed an Indian version of a Yoruba anecdote that illustrates a Nero fiddling while Rome was burning. It tells the story of someone falsely simulating sleep who the Yoruba call Apiroro. The Apiroro is always difficult to wake up. Jonathan’s summary of the power calculus on the Rivers crisis is that, “They are pretending to sleep and waking up such a person is extremely difficult.”

While the typhoon of illicit relationship between the three arms of government was yet raging, a photograph of Supreme Court Justice Emmanuel Akomaye Agim and Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, at the University of Calabar’s Golden Jubilee Special Convocation surfaced on the social media. Immediately I saw it, my mind went to Justice Olumuyiwa Jibowu (1899 – 1959). Jibowu was a fierce judge. The first African to serve in the Supreme Court of Nigeria, first Nigerian High Court Judge and one-time Chief Justice of the Western Region, Jibowu demonstrated that there must never be any unholy concourse between a judge, a lawyer who has matter before him and litigants. He once demonstrated this while he was Judge in the Ondo High Court. Counsel in a matter before him and Federal General Secretary of the Action Group Party, Ayotunde Rosiji, was slated to appear before him sometime in the early 1950s. They were both acquainted as Jibowu had paid Rosiji a visit when the latter came back from his legal studies in Britain. So, the evening before he was to appear before him, Rosiji decided to visit Jibowu in his home. Renowned for his uprightness and probity, though Justice Jibowu attended to Rosiji, when he was to deliver his judgment, he lifted up a sheaf of papers for all to see, which he said was a copy of the judgment he had stayed all night to write. Then, to the shock of everyone, the judge tore the papers into shred. All because counsel to one of the parties had come to see him in his house.

Former Chairman of the National Human Rights Commission (Nigeria), Prof. Chidi Odinkalu, in his anger at this anomaly, cited an earlier pronouncement of such public togetherness as incestuous by Justice Niki Tobi. In his ruling in Buhari vs. Independent National Electoral Commission & Ors (2008), the late Supreme Court Justice warned that “The two professions (law and politics) do not meet and will never meet at all in our democracy… If they meet, the victim will be democracy, and that will be bad for sovereign Nigeria.”

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Let me illustrate the calamity that Justice Tobi foretold with the market. Like any human endeavour, the market has a philosophy. It is constituted by a tripod: the brick and mortar stalls (Oja), marketers (pate-pate) and traders (Onina’ja). On market days, when merchants advertise their merchandise, the soul of the market is not the merchants nor their merchandise. It is the market, which is the people, the traders or the Onina’ja. So, when the market is over, you may see merchants and their merchandise or even the stalls but the soul of the market is gone (oja ti tu). So it is in a democracy. The moment a democracy harbours a complicit judiciary, an adulterous legislature in bed with the executive, the way President Jonathan painted it, the market is over. What is left are mere wares and merchandise (T’oja ba ti tu, a ku pate-pate). When you look, you see democracy on paper, the way you see a mass of quills and feathers on a masquerade, when, in actual fact, the masquerade is long gone. Late dramatist Hubert Ogunde verbalized this flight of democracy when he sang in Yoruba, “Iye l’e o ma wo l’eyin eye o….”

Nigeria’s situation today can be compared to Senegal’s under Abdoulaye Wade. With Wade, rather than rule of law, it was rule of person, otherwise called personal rule. A longtime Senegalese opposition leader, when Wade won the presidency in 2000, as many did in the current government, hopes were quite high for democracy in Senegal. Rather than this, however, Wade drew power and resources to himself and those of his family. By 2007, criticisms from journalists, political activists, singers, and marabouts (Muslim spiritual leaders) or any word from the opposition earned physical intimidation from his goons. Last week, as riposte to Peter Obi’s criticism of present slide towards autocracy, Nigerian presidency told him that, that he could talk freely was a presidential grace. Today, Nigeria grapples with a lackluster economic performance just like under Wade. The Senegalese leader also, like here in Nigeria, mobilized support, according to Larry Diamond, by corrupting and co-opting “religious figures, civil society leaders, local administrators, military officers… with money, loans, diplomatic passports, and other favors.”

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Said a responder to Diamond, “He has destroyed all the institutions, including political parties. He has taken opposition with him and manipulated the parliament. People are so poor and Wade controls everything. If you need something, you have to go with him.” Nigerians must see themselves in that Wade mirror.

Apart from the above indices, there are other measurements of the state of health of a democracy. They include political stability (absence of violence), government effectiveness (of public services and public administration), quality of government regulation, the rule of law. Recourse to violence as means of settling social discord has risen in Nigeria and governments are absent in the lives of the people, leading to self-help. The Uromi, Edo State incineration of travelling northerners is on my mind here. Though another famous theorist of democracy, Richard Sklar, in his “Democracy in Africa” (1983): African Studies Review, Vol. 26, No. 3/4, said “democracy dies hard,” he also submitted that it could “bleed and die” on the altars of repressive rule and lack of accountability. He concluded by saying, “The true executioner of democracy has neither sword nor scepter, but a baneful idea.”

In Nigeria today, democracy might not have died but its balance sheet is scary. Democracy is not in periodic elections, appointments into offices or its persistent mouthing like a refrain. Democracy is about the people. Obasanjo made this known at the Ihedioha colloquium. When, rather than the people, a small clique of politicians are sole beneficiaries of democracy and there is this mass of misery, what we have can better be described as politicians-cracy. There is a regression of democratic culture in Nigeria and hunger is blanketing Nigerians. Human development statistics regress daily, life expectancy is nosediving while dismal level of governance and violent conflicts seize our country by the jugular.

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The good news is that, Larry Diamond said that democracy cannot die. He, however, imputed that it could suffer fatal seizures. It is obvious that today, the Nigerian democracy is gasping for breath.

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I’ll Support Trump To Fight Terrorism In Nigeria If… – Wike

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The Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Nyesom Wike, has said that he would support US President Donald Trump if he provides technology to combat terrorism in Nigeria.

Wike stated this on Monday while responding to questions in an interview on Politics Today, a programme on Channels Television monitored by DAILY POST.

His comment comes in the wake of the Christian genocide allegation in Nigeria made by Trump.

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It will be recalled that Trump recently designated Nigeria as a “Country of Particular Concern” over the same allegation.

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The US President also said that he had asked the Defence Department to prepare for possible military action in Nigeria if the Nigerian government “continues to allow the killing of Christians”.

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Responding, Wike said, “It is not enough for me to capitalise that people are dying in Plateau, Benue and other places.

I have said that I will support Trump in providing and supporting Nigeria with technology in the fight against terrorism. I will also support any country that wants to proffer solutions in tackling terrorism in Nigeria.”

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OPINION: Trump’s Wrath Of Oedipus

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By Lasisi Olagunju

Mr Donald Trump and his Generals are buckling their armour to wipe out terrorists who kill Christians in Nigeria. “I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet…” the American president tweeted yesterday. Nigerians who heard Trump probably wondered where he is going to start from. People abducting people, people killing people are everywhere in Nigeria: North-East, North-West, North-Central, the South – everywhere. The forests are deeply infested; the cities have them thick behind seedy walls. How do you kill terrorists in a terror territory without killing everyone?

I risk this question: Who is the real killer here?

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What is killing Nigerian Christians, indeed, what is killing Nigerians of all faiths, is not just religion or religionists. The true assassin is the Nigerian structure; an abnormality sculpted with the cold chisel of Mr. Trump’s America and its complicit allies. As Tacitus once wrote of Rome, “They make a desert and call it peace.” Nigeria is a malformed republic calcified by those who pretend to defend it. The Nigerian structure empowers extremism and fetters the law. It enjoys the backing of the West.

Now, Trump says he is coming. Some saviours come to compound calamities. In Ola Rotimi’s ‘The Gods Are Not to Blame’, the Nigerian adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, Odewale is the celebrated liberator who becomes king. There is Baba Fakunle, the old, blind diviner of Kutuje. When the king, Odewale (the Oedipus figure), summons the seer to help identify the cause of the kingdom’s troubles, Baba Fakunle immediately sees the king himself as the source of the curse afflicting the land: “You are the murderer you seek”, the blind tells the king. He proceeds to even call him “bed sharer.” But the hot-tempered king thinks the prophet subversive, a coupist.

Tiresias in Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, like Ola Rotimi’s Baba, is the blind who perceives what the sighted king cannot see. The blind reveals that the sickness of the city flows from King Oedipus himself. He is the murderer. Oedipus, who vows to cleanse Thebes, is the source of the plague and “pollution” of Thebes. Today’s world has Oedipuses; it has no Tiresias. The truth bearer exists neither in America and its allies nor in their viceroys, defenders of peace who switch off rights in search of freedom.

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Donald Trump described Nigeria as “a disgraced country.” It is surprising that Nigeria has had no word to reply to that insult. His threats are directed at the bad children in the forests of the north. There is not a whimper from the ACF and the Northern Elders Forum. Where is their usual courage? Where is the Federal Government? If I would be cynical, I wouid ask: Why not invoke our efficient Cybercrime Act to deal with this? In case the government missed the assault, it is there in Trump’s tweet on Truth Social:

“If the Nigerian Government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the U.S.A. will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria, and may very well go into that now disgraced country, ‘guns-a-blazing,’ to completely wipe out the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities. I am hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet, just like the terrorist thugs attack our CHERISHED Christians! WARNING: THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BETTER MOVE FAST!”

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America’s Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, with a “Yes sir” replied Trump with ‘automatic alacrity’. He said his boots were “preparing for action” on the soil of Nigeria. He posted on X:

“Yes sir. The killing of innocent Christians in Nigeria — and anywhere — must end immediately. The Department of War is preparing for action. Either the Nigerian Government protects Christians, or we will kill the Islamic Terrorists who are committing these horrible atrocities.”

Greek historian and Athenian General, Thucydides, underlined the causes of war: power, fear, and ambition. He warned that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Secretary Pete Hegseth’s words are a salute, and a promise of death wrapped in benevolence. He and his boss spoke as relievers of the besieged of Nigeria. We thank them for their interest. But where are they going to start from?

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“They can start from anywhere,” a voice replied me.

“Where is anywhere?”

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It is cool to read Trump’s promise of reprieve; we’ve seen too much not to embrace any messiah who comes around. Too many have died with their blood calling for vengeance. But this Trump rain, if it ever falls, won’t fall on one roof. Oedipus comes into Thebes, kills their terror and for that is made king. Years later, the saviour’s coming becomes bad, mass death.

I read online many who are happy that Bola Tinubu’s government is facing fire from America. Some of these are even from the Muslim North. Ancient Romans would see this and intone: “Amicus meus, inimicus inimici mei” (my friend, the enemy of my enemy). Mathematical sociologists would dust up Frank Harary’s formalisation of the Balance Theory; they would trace their signed graphs, and point to Fritz Heider’s insight that a pair of friends with a common enemy forms a balanced triangle: A friend of my friend is my friend (+ × + × + = +). A friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ × – × – = +). An enemy of my enemy is my friend (– × – × + = +). Politics!

It is strange that a government that has conquered everyone is now being conquered from a strange angle. “History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been” (Josef Stalin).

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I would have joined in the celebrations to welcome Trump but for the fact that history shows me the strong disguising ambition with the language of virtue; I hear the powerful invoking justice and faith while pursuing dominance. If I asked the Greek to use human history and experience to analyse Mr. Trump’s threat of a war to end all terrorist wars in Nigeria, Thucydides would likely have viewed Trump’s threat with cold, unsentimental realism. To him, the tough-talk would not be an act of moral outrage but a performance of power. He would see in Trump’s posture not compassion for the Nigerian victim of terror; the historian would see the timeless logic of empire: using other people’s tragedy to affirm strength and moral superiority.

As Thucydides might have put it, “War is not so much a matter of right as of necessity.” From history to literature, we find that those who claim to fight for justice are often merely fighting for influence. In the eyes of experience, America’s preparation “for action” would be less about saving faith, limbs and lives; it will be more about staging yet another play in the endless drama of power.

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So, I ask: Is the noise from the US truly targetted at the Nigerian Wall of Jericho? We wait to see.

We are a complicated country with complex problems. If Trump kills all today’s terrorists tomorrow, how about the next generation of killers that will come out the day after? The hatchery is not tired of making them.

So, where is the way? Donald Trump’s message of war? It cannot be the way. One thing is certain, this crisis and the response to it echo a tragic pattern: leaders are chasing false targets; messiahs will end up as wrathful Oedipuses whose presence will poison the land. These healers, they will spread plague.

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OPINION: Saluting Our Permanent Patriarchs

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By Lasisi Olagunju

Respect old age. A “strictly by invitation” conclave of Yoruba cardinals sat for two days last week, not in the traditional capital, Ibadan, but in aged Akure, Ondo State. They took the masquerade to the eastern ancestral grove and had it costumed there. If your masquerade was not there, it is because your buttocks were deemed too small for the gilded stools there. And by not being there, you just missed balls of àkàrà made specially in frying pans of honey. The cardinals sat and chose for the whole race and decreed that “we must speak with one voice.” Their Holinesses danced to African pop singer, Angélique Kidjo’s ‘Agolo’ in their own sacred way and ordered that the waist-beads of their Olajumoke must remain where it is. Who are we to say the mouth of the elder stinks? That is the judgment of age, the decree from the ancestors’ gavel. Coourt!

It is an African thing. Of what use is age if you can’t use it to dominate the youth? Àgbà kò níí tán l’órí ilè is a daily prayer in Yoruba land. It simply means “may elders not be extinct in our land.” What the Akure papacy wants is already being done in other parts of Africa. The results have been phenomenal. I am moving from Cameroon to Côte d’Ivoire, then Tanzania, and, then other places where age is prized far higher than rubies.

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They say wisdom comes with age. If that is true, no matter how “disgraced” Donald Trump says we are, East and West, Nigeria has pearls of ancestral wisdom. To our immediate East, we have Paul Biya of Cameroon; a little far west, there is Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire. They are the current champions. Our immediate western neighbour, Benin Republic, has just banned the main opposition candidate and his party from the next presidential poll. These and many more enjoy the nod of the lords who created these countries.

I have ‘data’ people, young persons around me. They flirt into my fort and speak grammar and literature. First, they talk “gerontocracy”; then I hear “heart-cutting paradox” of Africa being the world’s youngest continent by median age, “yet it is being governed by some of the oldest leaders on earth.” Talk is cheap. What do they know? What an elder sees while seated, a child in space can’t see.

Indeed, Africa, this moment, has the wisest gathering of aged priests of power ever assembled.

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In the North, there sits Abdelmadjid Tebboune of Algeria (80), Abdel Fattah el-Sisi of Egypt (71), and Kais Saied of Tunisia (67 — just under seventy, but invested with self-made powers broad enough to last him till eternity).

In West Africa, the procession of patriarchs includes Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Nigeria (73), Joseph Boakai of Liberia (80), and Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire (83). Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of Ghana, now 81, bowed out, leaving the stage in January 2025 for his old rival, John Dramani Mahama, 66, to steer the ship once again.

In Central Africa, Mother Africa is still blessed with the grandest of elders: Paul Biya of Cameroon (92), Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea (83), and Denis Sassou-Nguesso of the Republic of the Congo (81).

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In Eastern and Southern Africa, the grey reign continues: Yoweri Museveni of Uganda (81), Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea (79), Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe (83), and Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (73). Hage Geingob of Namibia passed away on 4 February 2024 at the age of 82. He was succeeded by 84-year-old Nangolo Mbumba, who served until the March 2025 election that brought Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah, 73, to power — the country’s first female president.

Farther east, Djibouti’s parliament has just erased the age barrier that once capped presidential ambition, clearing the path for 77-year-old Ismaïl Omar Guelleh to seek a sixth term in 2026. And on the Ethiopian plateau, President Taye Atske Selassie will turn 70 next year.

We respect and value age; that is why Africa remains forever at the top. We are the continent where wisdom and endurance sit enthroned in power.

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President Alassane Ouattara of Côte d’Ivoire is 83. He has just clinched a fourth term with the ease of a man ordering breakfast. Cast your gaze eastward to Cameroon, 92-year-old Paul Biya is there. BBC last week described him as “the leader who never loses.” He has kindly agreed to remain in office after only 43 years of national service – or should I simply call his reign ‘uninterrupted power supply’? Forty-three years in some democracies would be called eternity; here in Africa, from the Mediterranean to the Cape of Good Hope, it is continuity.

Nigeria has so much to learn especially from Cameroon where grey hair rules completely and totally. Cameroon has a council of elders whose word is law. I searched the World Wide Web, asking the oracle for the secret of that country’s success. It is the bent gait of the leaders and the age of their ideas. It is difficult to believe, but it is true, the elders list is real: To President Biya’s right is the President of the Constitutional Council, Clément Atangana; he is 84 years old. Atangana it was who oversaw the recent election and announced the results that are being celebrated with stones and bullets in the streets of the country. There is also René Claude Meka, the 86-year-old Chief of Defence Staff. He guards the guards in the name of democracy. The president of the senate is Marcel Niat Njifenji, 91 years old. With Cavayé Yéguié Djibril, the 85-year-old Speaker of the National Assembly, Njifenji sees that laws are made for the good governance of the republic. They make laws, and when they finish minting the laws, they pass them to 83-year-old Laurent Esso, the indefatigable Minister of Justice. He executes the law and its convicts. The job of this council of elders is to keep the grandfather in power and tell the young to wait for their time.

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We have done well with democracy in Africa. It is no longer about freedom and welfare, and good living and life more abundant. It is about endurance – like dull, painful sex.

Latecomer Nigeria does not (yet) have its own official elders council as Cameroon. It should quietly be taking notes; that is what the wise do. We should envy Cameroon; Cameroon deserves our envy.

In Bénin, the constitutional court on 27 October, 2025, ruled to exclude the principal opposition party, Les Démocrates, from participating in the upcoming 2026 presidential election. The coast is clear for democracy in that country and for the incumbent. In East Africa, Tanzania’s presidential election was held on Wednesday last week. But the gods of polls had cracked the palm kernel of victory for the incumbent before the election day. President Samia Suluhu Hassan stood (and stands) on terra firma. She won before winning. Her opponents, candidates of the two primary opposition parties, were removed from the ballot by the gods of democracy. Their supporters are outside, burning tyres and getting buried.

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Nigeria will do better than Benin and Tanzania. If those ones had appreciated better intelligence, they would not run into the quicksand of protests harrying their hills. Instead of shutting the gate against opponents and running against themselves, how about those opposition candidates simply defecting into the ruling party? If you check the physics of politics, you will understand why politicians are ferromagnetic beings; they respond to the magnet of money and power. In Nigeria, nobody will be disqualified in the next elections. The magnet in the ruling party sucks them into the vortex of power, and that ends it. Never mind what an Abuja court said on defection last Friday. The defected should forfeit their seats. Who does that? The higher courts will correct the abnormal orders.

Yoruba ancestors are great scientists. There is this Yoruba spell that pulls whoever it wants into its bossom:

Gerere,

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Àwọ̀n maa wo won bo,

Gerere…

(Swiftly/ Net, drag them here/ Swiftly).

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People of depth who massed in Akure last week know how this magnetic net is woven. It works in Yoruba’s Lagos – it is working in Nigeria. The Tanzanian lady should have come to learn here.

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I read online about children of protest dreaming of Tanzania in Nigeria. No. It won’t happen. Where is the main opposition party, the PDP? By the time we reach 2027, no opposition contraption will be well enough to stagger out of the ICU. After that feat, we will move to the next. What is next? Third term?

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‘Third term’ is scandalous; we don’t want that chain for the neck of our Olajumoke. The respectable career goal is to be so good as to be begged to become king.

Let the children of anger keep punching their tired tabs and overused phones. Someone told me that when they finally look up from those chinko phones and ask, “Who’s that old man on the ballot again?” the answer will definitely be: “The same man you voted for when you were in primary school.”

Africa is proof that democracy is tired of term limits. The British blessed us with permanent secretaries; why not bless ourselves with permanent councils of elders complete with a permanent presidency. Imagine the elegance in that alliteration: “permanent presidency.” Pulsating.

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Even in America where we copied this democracy nonsense, they are already building a throne for their king and sewing very regal royal robes. They have a king.

I read Thomas E. Cronin’s ‘On the Origins and Invention of the Presidency’ and laughed at the folly in the wisdom of the past. Cronin, by “presidency” meant American presidency.” He wrote: “In 1787 fifty-five of America’s best educated and most experienced men assembled in Philadelphia. Their average age was 42, most were lawyers or businessmen. Two-thirds had served in the Congress at one time or another; nearly twenty had served in the Continental army. Seven had been governors in their states. It was a convention of the well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed.” These were the people, the 55 wise men who invented America’s presidential democracy, the one we copied like that poor student who Rank-xeroxed his mate’s exam script, name, matric number, all.

The mandate of the American wise men, according to Cronin, was “to devise an executive office that would also be effective and safe; strong enough to command respect, to help maintain order, to help conduct effective diplomatic affairs, to provide for more efficient administration, yet not so strong as to threaten civil liberties, or in any way aggrandize power contrary to the welfare of the general public.” They did what they had to do and for 229 years, they thought they got it right. They were wrong. Trump, holding Muhammadu Buhari’s toothpick, is at this moment, laughing at their wisdom.

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A permanent presidency – a king – is being considered by those around America’s Trump. Or where were you last week when former White House chief strategist, Stephen Bannon, told The Economist that President Donald Trump would serve a third term? Stephen Bannon described a third term for Trump as essential to the nation’s future, a “vehicle of divine providence”, an “instrument of divine will” and “the will of the American people.” We were very unfair to President Olusegun Obasanjo, a successful third term for him would have been a valuable part of contemporary America’s literature review.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:OPINION: ‘Federal Highways of Horror’

This is the age of the aged. We should tell William Shakespeare that he lied; that the poet lied in his claim that “All the world’s a stage,

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And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,…”

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Shakespeare says the drama of life always comes to an end for actors and for spectators. It is not so in Africa. Go to Togo, don’t they have Faure Gnassingbé there after Gnassingbé Eyadéma? Gnassingbé served as the president of Togo from 1967 until his death in 2005. Gnassingbé Eyadéma’s son, Faure, filled what would have been a gap immediately and has led Togo since then. What else is the meaning of immortality?

Nigeria can improve on this. One man can be president; his son governor; his brother minister; his grandchildren commissioners.

The president can even combine all those posts and positions if he wants. It will be answered prayers.

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This is a satire, but sometimes words fail the satirist and his satire. Satire itself is a dangerous thing because sometimes it stops being seen for what it is. But on this, I double down and hiss on reason and good judgment. This is the age of wisdom, I cling to the tail of the elephant of the aged, he alone can take us up the mountain before us.

In ‘As You Like It’, Shakespeare’s Jaques delivers the locus classicus on the seven ages of man. Life, Shakespeare’s character says, unfolds in seven acts; he calls them “ages”. First comes the helpless infant, “mewling and puking” and crying in a nurse’s arms; then the reluctant schoolboy, weeping and creeping to class with a shining face. Next, the lover, scribbling and sighing over verses, love poems, to his beloved; followed by the fiery soldier, proud, quick to quarrel, chasing fleeting glory: “A soldier, / Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, / Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, / Seeking the bubble reputation /Even in the cannon’s mouth.” Then appears the wise judge, full of proverbs and dignity, his form rounded by comfort. Then age steals in, turning him into a thin, slippered old man, his once-bold voice now trembling and shrill. At last, the curtain falls on all, a return to infancy, “second childishness” and forgetfulness, bereft of sight, sound, taste, and self:

“Last scene of all,

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That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

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For all enemies of age, I render, in modern English, the last stage in the passage above, Act II, Scene VII:

“The final stage of life

that ends this strange and eventful journey

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is a return to childishness and complete forgetfulness;

without teeth, without eyes, without taste, without anything at all.”

The Shakespearean last stage is the age of nothing and nothingness. That is the age of our leaders. In nothing, nothing is bad. We love our own old age, we want it as long as it is Idi Bebere, the voluptuous, supple waist of Olajumoke.

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