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[OPINION] Pastor Ibiyeo-money: Get Behind Me, Satan!
Published
2 months agoon
By
Editor
Tunde Odesola
Wracked by a head-splitting fever and a head-aching red eye, this article may not see the light of day. But if it’s ever published, dear reader, know that this article is a product of pain, lethargy, tiresomeness and hissing. The meaning of headache is truly a pain in the head.
When I woke up early Monday morning, the pain in my right eye was tormenting. I couldn’t differentiate between a comma and a full stop. The wider I opened my eyes to tell the difference between the two punctuation marks, the more the tail of the comma disappeared, leaving behind a dot that looked exactly like a full stop. By 11 a.m., my body felt like it had been run over by a bus. I took some pain-relieving tablets, got an eye-drop medication and headed into the day, all the same.
On Tuesday morning, I couldn’t open my bloodshot right eye. I felt my hands and legs were bound to a rock, like Oedipus. For relief, I felt like closing my aching eye all day, but work had sounded its worship bell, so I headed to answer the roll call. As I drove to work, I struggled to keep my right eye open, setting my eyes water to flow freely, and the left eye, in kinship sympathy, had joined the right eye to tear.
I hurt like a man under whose right eye three alligator pepper seeds had been tucked. By who? I shall reveal that later. Alone, I suffered seven plagues – headache, eyeache, runny nose, fever, tearing, sleepiness and lethargy. Do note that the whole of biblical Egypt suffered just 10 plagues in the hands of Moses.
The fast sequence of bad news breaking in Nigeria could be tricky for a columnist to follow, more so for a columnist outside Nigerian shores. Therefore, a columnist worth his salt will be on the news trail all day, every week, taking notes of newsy issues and zeroing down on one, two or more en route to the deadline.
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On Wednesday morning, I had no eyes to follow Nigerian news, so I said to myself, “I cannot come and kill myself o; I will not write any article this week.” My only desire was just to shut my eyes in perpetuity. By the time I returned from work on Wednesday night, my enervated body was a little energised as butterflies from the nectarean Muse flew along my way. Briefly, I shook off my lethargy and started to monitor trending news from Nigeria.
Terrible news, as usual, sat snugly on the front pew. My news monitoring revealed that in the last few days, over 70 Nigerian Christians were reportedly killed in the Middle Belt region by suspected Muslim herders.
In the dying minutes of Wednesday night, I checked various talking points on Nigeria’s socio-political scene. There was no condemnation of the massacre by any big-name Nigerian cleric. However, there were get-rich-quick blasphemies by some church leaders. The blasphemies caught my attention. Instinctively, I felt like grabbing my laptop and scribbling. But while the spirit was willing, the body was weak as my head pounded and my eye peppered. I sat at my table, but the only request my body members were making was sleep, sleep, sleep while my eyes teared away, steadily.
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“Why the silence from the Nigerian clergy? They don’t want to heat the polity? Did the government reach out to them not to speak up publicly? To whom do Nigerian clergy owe their allegiance? To God or Bola Tinubu administration? Or to Mammon?” Questions cascaded down my journalistic mind. Savage country, savage leadership.
Thursday afternoon, none had changed for the better among my troubled body parts. Headache. Eyeache. Runny nose and tiredness. Guess what? I never stopped going to work for a day. But I booked an appointment to see the doctor. Because I didn’t book an emergency appointment, I was scheduled to see the doctor on Friday. Today is Thursday – my deadline to submit my article, and I’m going to work in less than three hours. Can I still make it? I’ll try. I’ll try because I don’t want no thief-looking pastor to claim his god of Mammon struck me with sickness. However, if the article fails to make it to the newsstand, it’s not the god of the fake pastor who stopped it; it’s stress-induced fever, lest any thief should boast. I don’t have lip blisters as telltales of sickness. For me, the telltale signs of fever or any sickness in general are inflamed eyelids and reddish eyeballs. I’ve been like that since my years of innocence.
My red eye drips tears unabated. All the eye wants to do is shut down. It’s utterly painful opening it. Pastor Ibiyeo-money, who has never healed any known disability in any person, would claim his god afflicted me with a sight problem, and his congregation would roar, “Hallelujah!!!”
In an outrageous video, Ibiyeo-money said Jesus Christ hated poverty and that Christ never associated with the poor. The cold-blooded way Ibiyeo-money twisted the Holy Bible to assert his warped teaching belonged only in hell.
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A fake surgeon clutching a scalpel, Ibiyeo-money grabs the balls of a man looking for the fruit of the womb, cuts open his scrotum, throws his testicles in a bottle, gives the bottle to him, and tells him his prayers are answered. But Ibiyeo-money himself sees a doctor monthly. He assures his congregation that his prayer was sufficient for their security while he goes about in bulletproof cars and a horde of armed security men. Ibiyeo-money is the healer who cannot heal himself. In looks and deeds, Ibiyeo-money is the archetypal Agba Yahoo. He talks slowly and self-assuredly – almost in a whisper – like a man of wisdom, age and grace, but will bow down on his face and worship Satan if he sees 30 shekels of silver. I didn’t have a clear picture of those Jesus chased out of the temple until now.
In his atrocious sermon, I suspect Ibiyeo-money was talking about Jesus of Port Harcourt, and not Jesus of Nazareth, who was born in a manger by a poor carpenter father and who rode on a donkey into Jerusalem, instead of a horse. Because I don’t worship money like Ibiyeo-money, I solemnly offer to teach him for free the importance of Jesus riding a donkey into Jerusalem.
Preached on a Mount of Beatitudes, Jesus’ seminal sermon called “The Beatitudes,” was an opportunity to overplay wealth acquisition, but He downplayed it by emphasising poorness, meekness, righteousness, mercifulness and peacefulness. In the sermon, Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit; For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” I can see Ibiyeo-money is rich in spirit.
In ‘The Beatitudes’, if Jesus was averse to poverty, He wouldn’t have rewarded the poor in spirit with the kingdom of heaven. He would’ve preferred people like Ibiyeo-money who are rich in spirit.
Since all these donkey’s years of professed anointing, miracles, signs and worship, hasn’t the man of god come across the teaching of Jesus which says in Matthew 19:24, “I’ll say it again–-it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God!” If Jesus glamorised riches as Ibiyeo-money does, he wouldn’t speak against wealth acquisition.
Both the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible contain 1,189 chapters. Ibiyeo-money just needs to daily read four chapters of the big Bible he carries about like a signboard, and about nine and a half months, he would have read all the references I pointed out to him.
I’ll close with these passing shots. Jesus told some of those He healed or taught to sell all their earthly property and follow him. If Ibiyeo-money was the one taken to the peak of the world by Satan, and told to bow down and worship, what would he do? I hear him shout, Get beside me, Satan!
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
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News
NYSC Commends Bauchi Govt On Infrastructural Development In Orientation Camp
Published
14 minutes agoon
July 1, 2025By
Editor
The National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) has commended Gov. Bala Mohammed of Bauchi state on his infrastructural development projects in NYSC permanent orientation camp in the state.
Mr Umoren Kufre, the NYSC Coordinator in the state made the commendation on Tuesday during the closing ceremony of the 2025 Batch ‘A’ stream II orientation course on Wailo, Ganjuwa Local Government Area of the state.
According to him, the renovation of corps members’ hostels and camp officials’ blocks as well as the construction of a brand new multipurpose hall in the camp by the state government portrayed the governor as a good father of the youth.
“This kind gesture will remain very fresh in our minds for a long time to come. Once more, thank you, your Excellency.
READ ALSO: NYSC Urges Bauchi Governor To Reconstruct Collapsed Camp Fence
“I also wish to thank the Bauchi state Government for providing the conducive environment and security for both Corps members and camp officials which contributed in no small measure in making this exercise a huge success
“Similarly, I appreciate all of our collaborating agencies that sent their personnel to assist us in the running of the camp. My staff, as usual, were at their very best to ensure a seamless exercise. May God bless and reward you all
“I wish to register our appreciation to the Wailo Community for being our good host and neighbours over the years, their efforts in meeting our needed casual labour demands eased much stress on the Corps members and officials
“In the same spirit, I sincerely like to commend the patriotism, loyalty, patience, perseverance, understanding, and the good conduct of Corps members during the orientation course,” he said.
READ ALSO: NYSC Assures Impactful Participation Of Corps Members On Host Communities
Kufre enjoined the corps members to continue to be obedient, loyal and diligent, urging them to endeavour to settle down quickly in their places of primary assignment and adapt to the ways of life there.
He further called on them to do their best in obeying the rules governing their host communities, learn to appreciate their customs and culture and ensure that they leave the places better than they meet them.
“The people of Bauchi state, as you have been told many times, are hospitable people and the glaring proof as you can see are the buses sent by Local Government Councils to convey you to your places of primary assignment.
“I implore you to reciprocate this good gesture by contributing your best to the upliftment of your host communities and Bauchi State in general,” said the Coordinator.
1,300 corps members completed the orientation course and were posted to different parts of Bauchi state for the one year compulsory service.
News
Ghana Deports Convicted Nigerian For Smuggling Fake $100,000
Published
50 minutes agoon
July 1, 2025By
Editor
A Nigerian, Aremu Adegboyega, convicted by a Circuit Court in Accra, Ghana, for smuggling counterfeit CFA francs worth over $100,000 into the country through an unauthorised border route will be deported to Nigeria, according to The PUNCH.
Justice Christiana Cann, who presided over the case ordered his immediate deportation by the Ghana Immigration Service.
According to ASP Isaac Anquandah, as cited by a Ghanaian news outlet, The Chronicle, on Monday, Adegboyega was arrested in 2023 by customs officers stationed at the Aflao border while he was travelling on a motorcycle.
The 55-year-old was charged with two counts of possessing forged notes, in violation of Section 18(2) of Ghana’s Currency Act, 1964 (Act 242), as well as one count of illegal entry into the country.
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For possession of counterfeit CFA francs, the court fined the convict 250 penalty units, equivalent to GH¢3,000.
In default of payment, according to the report, he will serve a two-year prison sentence with hard labour.
For illegal entry into Ghana, he was reportedly fined an additional 120 penalty units or GH¢1,440. If he fails to pay, The Chronicle reports, he will serve another two-year prison term.
The sentences are expected to run concurrently, meaning he will serve a maximum of two years if he defaults on both payments.
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The report added that, in addition to the fines and prison sentence, the court ordered his immediate deportation to Nigeria.
Adegboyega was apprehended at Beat Zero, an unauthorised crossing point along the Ghana-Togo border.
Riding as a pillion passenger on a motorcycle and carrying a backpack, according to the police, he aroused suspicion, prompting the officers to search his belongings.
During the search, officers discovered bundles of suspected counterfeit currency: CFA francs totalling CFA 80,653,000 and Nigerian naira amounting to N101,500.
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Further investigation revealed that he had smuggled the fake currency into Ghana from Togo.
According to the police, he admitted in a caution statement that he was aware the money was counterfeit.
He also confessed to receiving the forged notes from a man identified as Alhaji Saibu in Nigeria, under the instruction of an alleged mafia figure named Alhaji Dials, believed to be based in Abidjan, Côte d’Ivoire.
Adegboyega joins another Nigerian, Abu Arome, who is currently standing trial alongside three Ghanaians for alleged fraud.
A statement issued on Friday by the Force Public Relations Officer, Muyiwa Adejobi, disclosed the suspects were accused of committing the crime using forged documents, falsified signatures, and fraudulent claims.
News
CAC Unveils AI-powered Portal For 30-minute Company Registrations
Published
5 hours agoon
July 1, 2025By
Editor
The Corporate Affairs Commission has launched a pilot Artificial Intelligence-powered registration portal to overhaul the current Company Registration Portal.
The Registrar-General and Chief Executive Officer of the Commission, Hussaini Ishaq Magaji, disclosed this at the 2025 Stakeholders’ Forum meeting.
A statement issued by the commission on Tuesday described the initiative as a game-changer aimed at significantly reducing registration timelines and enhancing the ease of doing business across the country.
According to Magaji, the new system allows for instant name reservation approvals, likening the process to opening an email account.
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“It is intelligently designed to suggest available alternatives and grant real-time approvals, removing the traditional bottlenecks,” he said.
One of the portal’s standout features is its ability to facilitate business registration using only the National Identification Number of a director or proprietor.
Magaji said that once real-time NIN verification is successful, a certificate of incorporation would be generated and delivered to the applicant’s email within 30 minutes.
He stated, “The target time for business registration is under 30 minutes to generate a certificate and deliver to the customer’s email, subject to real-time NIN verification.”
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While acknowledging that some delays may still arise due to external validations from the National Identity Management Commission, he revealed that a contingency plan has been built into the platform, using AI-powered photo ID matching to overcome such hitches.
In addition, the Commission plans to introduce a two-factor authentication system with OTP verification for all transactions.
This, according to him, will ensure no changes can be made to company records without the explicit knowledge and consent of the registered directors.
Magaji further announced that a CAC mobile application would be launched in the final quarter of 2025 to allow users to track and manage transactions on the go.
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Speaking on new partnerships, he disclosed that the Commission is currently reviewing over 100 requests from local and international super agents, including the Nigerian Inter-Bank Settlement System, aimed at deepening access and streamlining services.
Meanwhile, the Registrar-General also revealed that the Commission would commence a review of its service fees effective August 1, 2025, citing the need to maintain service quality and implement ongoing reforms.
The statement added that goodwill messages at the forum were delivered by the Chairman, Nigerian Bar Association, Port Harcourt Branch, Cordelia U. Eke; Chairman, Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators, Sir Sebastian Essien; and Chairman, Nigerian Association of Small and Medium Enterprises, Elder Dogala Sakpege.
Also in attendance were Mechi Brown, Director of Industry at the Rivers State Ministry of Commerce and Industry, and Miema Akpa, who represented the Chairman of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Port Harcourt branch.
A CAC technical team was present during the event to attend to customer complaints and provide on-the-spot solutions to registration challenges.
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