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OPINION: Britain Is Nigeria’s ‘Bad’ Teacher

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By Lasisi Olagunju

Number 10, Downing Street has been home to Britain’s prime ministers since 1735 AD. Why would a hugely popular new prime minister move into a 289-year-old mansion without spending good pounds on it to buff it up to today’s taste? Keir Starmer, the new British prime minister, moved into that official residence soon after he was appointed last Friday. There was neither a renovation of the building nor a sanctification of the rooms by clerics and priests. Red candles, white tapers were not lit; neither was turari (incense) assigned a role.

“I’ll teach you differences,” Shakespeare wrote in King Lear. He also wrote about “sweet fool” and “bitter fool” and how they are not the same. Britain used the last election to teach us the difference between good and bad; sanity and madness. The British held their elections on Thursday, declaring neither a public holiday nor a restriction of movements. Schools opened, businesses flourished, votes were cast and counted, results were announced without shots fired and machetes wielded. There was no election tribunal, no lawyer to hire and no judge to bribe. Those who lost simply agreed they lost, offered thanks for past favours and apologies for failing their people. Wearing regrets as lapels, the defeated went quietly into the night counting their loss under the dim light of their mourning moon.

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You would think that the British who always hailed the way we elected our leaders would copy our ways. This past weekend, the teacher didn’t do the nonsense they taught their students. Their dog refused to follow our monkey to do what locusts do to grain farms. They chose those they wanted as leaders without our usual fireworks and water cannons. For the winner, it was straight from the polling booth to the Government House; there was no interlude, no respite, no recess. There was even no transition committee; neither was there a budget for new furniture and new cars for the prime minister’s family. The Prime Minister took over almost immediately after the sun set for the man whose party lost in spectacular detail. Ministers were appointed the same day and portfolios assigned them on the spot, leaving us to wonder why the haste. We didn’t hear of the parliament grilling the appointees and asking them to sing ‘God save the King’ – their national anthem. Was the head of government even sworn in? Who did?

There is nothing they do in the husband’s bedroom that does not happen in the concubine’s bedchamber. We have rats here that eat vital documents and get presidents sick. The British have over there too. But the PM’s residence in London has a simple solution to the problem: a mouser, a celebrity cat is in firm control of the rodent issues there. The cat’s name is Larry; for the past 13 years, it has been helping heads of government in that country to fix what our cowardly presidents run away from here. We’ve not heard that Labour’s Starmer aims at sacking the cat from the residence because the conservatives took it there.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Let Kenyans Enjoy Their Kenya

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Since his appointment on Friday last week, Starmer, with his family, has settled in properly in 10 Downing Street.

Our own President Muhammadu Buhari moved into our Presidential Villa late in June 2015 – three weeks after he was sworn in. The old man needed to be sure that the residence was properly fumigated of the sacked party and be rid of rodents and cockroaches – visible and invisible. Despite all his carefulness, impudent rats still ran the ramrod General out of the building and out of the country. He was away in London for months suffering from what could be anything. He came back and, again, got run out of the office part of the building by the same rats. We forget things here. Seven years ago (August 2017), one of Buhari’s spokespersons announced (with uncommon sensation) that rodents had damaged furniture and air conditioning fittings in the president’s “official” office while he was in London receiving treatment. The gentleman said our leader wouldn’t, therefore, be seen working in the president’s office until the damage was undone. And that was it. The big boss stayed off work until the rats accepted his sacrifice and said he should come in.

In his own case, President Bola Tinubu has been more attentive to details. The Yoruba man is well acquainted with the functional relationship between the rolling eyes of the crab and its delicate head. He was sworn in on May 29, 2023, made a rash of careless policy pronouncements but was careful about where he would be accommodated. Unlike Starmer who rushed into the PM’s mansion like a hungry cat, Tinubu rushed nothing and overlooked nothing. Sixty-three days after he took over power, a reluctant Tinubu gingerly detoured into a villa building called the Glass House on Sunday, July 31, 2023. It was there he hibernated until the main residence begged him to come and occupy it. Perhaps because he is the Capone, we have not heard stories about ratty encounters in the nation’s most secure edifice.

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In his inaugural speech, Starmer spoke of “the gap between the sacrifices made by the people” and “the service they receive from politicians.” He said when this grew “big,” the heart of the nation became infested with “weariness”. He spoke about that and about the “draining away of the hope, the spirit, the belief in a better future.” That is today’s Nigeria. To hope here is to be stupid – if not downright silly. Starmer could be speaking about this Nigeria where those who preach sacrifice overeat and belch, and the people hunger and yawn.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Kings And Imams In Yorubaland

‘Equal distribution of pain’ is the title of a piece written by good old Nosa Igiebor in the January 13, 1986 issue of Newswatch magazine. It was his panting analysis of the 1986 budget of this country which required “Nigerians to live with less of everything.” Today is a degeneration of what was bad with us yesterday. Here, now, we not only roll in the mud of a regime of unequal distribution of pain; we are daily left to live with less of nothing.

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A very senior professor sent to me a text two weeks ago: “Olagunju, I was granted permanent residency in the US in 2017. I have not taken it up. Most of my friends and colleagues believe I’m stupid. I keep hoping against hope that things cannot get worse here. I had my first offer of appointment after PhD in the UK in 1988. I declined because I didn’t apply. My supervisor was asked to source for a good candidate. He called me and told me of the offer. It was a guaranteed position. Instead, I chose to return to Nigeria. My friend, an Englishman who is now a professor at … University told me I was making a mistake returning to Nigeria. I said he was wrong. I did not realise he is the grandson of Nostradamus.” My prof is not the only one who now agrees that things can always get worse here.

The parliament is supreme in the United Kingdom; in Nigeria, the president is the supremo before whom nothing existed and after whom nothing will. The heroes of the past didn’t bargain for this when they were fighting for independence for Nigeria and for democracy. We lost it, and it is sad. How easy is it now for our leper to pick up his slipped needle? (The Yoruba say abéré bó l’ówó adétè, ó d’ète). The British gave us a system designed to make it easy for us to live in peace, punish insults and reward good behaviour. They gave us a constitutional arrangement which allowed us to engage and to throw out our husbands when they went mad. We messed it up within five years of independence. In 1979, after 13 years in the wilderness of the military, we went for the most expensive of the systems in the books – presidential democracy. It may have worked in all other places, but, here, it has steadily evolved into a most fiendish monarchy – a kábíyèsí system where the legislature and the judiciary are the king’s phlegm eaters.

In the opening lines of his ‘Two Thousand Seasons’, Ghanaian writer, Ayi Kwei Armah, warns our spring water to stop “flowing to the desert.” He says “there is no regeneration” where it flows. It is there in the Bible (and in the Quran) that the Lord restored Job’s fortunes only after he changed his course and did as he ought to do. “In fact, the Lord gave him twice as much as before” – Job: 42:10. The afflicted got reprieve because he cooperated with his Maker. Here, we cling to what will never work and pray for increased blessings. When we talk about restructuring of Nigeria, it is because we want Nigeria to regain what it lost to unitary presidentialism. We saw how simple the UK elections were last week. There was no movement of ballots across constituencies. The man who emerged as prime minister contested for votes only in his Holborn and St Pancras constituency. It was exactly like that with the December 1959 election which ushered us into independence in 1960. Prime Minister Abubakar Tafawa Balewa did not have to break the bank to contest that election. His constituency was his Tafawa Balewa locality.

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MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: Reps’ Drunkard Democracy

For 99 years (1861 – 1960), the British were officially here working hard on their broth of strange ingredients. With the magical deft and expertise of the enchanter, they came up with an arrangement that should work for the happiness of all. They gave each region a constitution and the country itself a super constitution. And, so, Nigeria started on a note of globally expressed optimism. At the British House of Lords on Thursday 28 July, 1960, while debating the bill that granted Nigeria independence, the then Earl of Swinton said “Nigeria has proved how diverse peoples can combine in successful union while maintaining their own individuality.” Indeed, the whole House – and the other one, the House of Commons – hailed our negotiated federalism and expressed confidence in our commitment to constitutional parliamentary democracy.

But, in less than six quick years of that constitutional arrangement, we tore it and plunged ourselves down beyond ground zero. Today, the country is centralized – unitarized – and atrophied. The central government owns and controls everything with an imperial presidency summoning governors to its presence for daily obeisance.

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“It is easy to go down into Hell,” Virgil, Roman poet (70 BC – 19 BC), warned. He added that “night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one’s steps to the upper air – there’s the rub, the task.” We have a very complex structural issue which we have not managed well. We continually subvert our federalism because it is suicidally sweet to do so. But how long will the leaky titanic remain afloat? The way to regeneration is for our river to stop flowing towards the desert of unitarism. Nigeria is not irredeemable if it chooses redemption. Britain has as much complicated structure; but it is a delicate balance well managed. We read of a kingdom of four countries – England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland – and the kingdom is paradoxically a working democracy. We saw it last week.

Will democracy ever work for Nigeria? Or, will Nigeria ever allow democracy to work for Nigerians? Multi-genre performer, Tar Ukoh, was engaged at the Eagle Square in Abuja on 29 May, 1999 for the inauguration of President Olusegun Obasanjo. Everyone around him exuded joy at the dawn of that new day. They were sure the exit of the military after so many years meant the good times had come. Tar Ukoh was asked by The New York Times how he felt about Nigeria’s brand new democracy. He cautiously told the American newspaper that he feared that the joy of that moment might be misplaced or short lived. The New York Times still has the report of that encounter on its website. The man said: “I hope this event is not a re-awakening of illusions of freedom, or a Eureka, like we had during independence in my youth.” Tar Ukoh, who was 46 years old at that time, concluded that “having returned to civilian rule, we now have to fight for democracy.” Nothing can be truer than his fears and his conclusion. The “fight for democracy” entered its 25th year this year. It is still on. But, the battle will be lost unless we ‘borrow’ ourselves sense and go back to “the way.”

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Trump Threatens To Unleash ‘Hell’ On Hamas

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US President Donald Trump has given Hamas until 2200 GMT on Sunday to accept his 20-point plan for peace in Gaza, warning the Palestinian militant group faced “all hell” if it did not agree to the terms.

The US leader set the deadline — which would fall at 1:00 a.m. Monday in Gaza — after an official for the Islamist movement told AFP earlier on Friday that the group still needed time to study the proposal to end nearly two years of devastating war in the Palestinian territory.

“If this LAST CHANCE agreement is not reached, all HELL, like no one has ever seen before, will break out against Hamas,” Trump posted on his Truth Social platform.

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The proposal, backed by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, calls for a ceasefire, the release of hostages within 72 hours, Hamas’s disarmament and a gradual Israeli withdrawal from Gaza.

READ ALSO:Israeli Forces Strike Gaza Despite Trump’s Ceasefire Call

That would be followed by a post-war transitional authority headed by Trump himself.

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“Hamas is still continuing consultations regarding Trump’s plan… and has informed mediators that the consultations are ongoing and need some time,” the official said on condition of anonymity because they were not authorised to speak publicly on the matter.

On Tuesday, Trump gave Hamas “three or four days” to accept his plan, which has been welcomed by world powers, including Arab and Muslim nations.

Mohammad Nazzal, a member of Hamas’s political bureau, said in a statement Friday that the “plan has points of concern, and we will announce our position on it soon.”

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READ ALSO:Israel Strikes Hamas Leadership, Explosions Reported In Qatar’s Capital

As Hamas mulled Trump’s peace plan this week, a Palestinian source close to the group’s leadership told AFP on Wednesday that the Islamist movement wanted to amend some clauses, including the one on disarmament.

Hamas leaders also want “international guarantees” for a full Israeli withdrawal and that no assassination attempts would be made inside or outside Gaza, the source added.

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Another source familiar with the negotiations told AFP that the group was split over Trump’s plan.

Structurally, the group’s leadership is divided between officials based in the Gaza Strip and those abroad, particularly in Qatar.

READ ALSO:Spain Cancels $825m Israel Arms Deal Over Gaza

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Much of Hamas’s leadership has also been wiped out in Israeli attacks throughout the war.

The source told AFP that “the first (opinion) supports unconditional approval, as the priority is a ceasefire under Trump’s guarantees, with mediators ensuring Israel implements the plan”.

“The second has serious reservations regarding key clauses… They favour conditional approval with clarifications reflecting Hamas’s and the resistance factions’ demands,” the source added.

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Hugh Lovatt, a senior policy fellow at the European Council on Foreign Relations, said “ultimately it’s not just about convincing Hamas leadership in Doha, but also the leadership in Gaza, as well as Hamas members and fighters in Gaza.”

READ ALSO:Israel Begins Ground Offensive In Gaza Despite International Criticism

“Additionally, Hamas must then be able to convince other factions in Gaza,” he added.

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The war was triggered by Hamas’s October 7, 2023 attack on Israel, which resulted in the deaths of 1,219 people, mostly civilians, according to an AFP tally of Israeli official figures.

Israel’s retaliatory offensive has killed at least 66,288 Palestinians, according to health ministry figures in the Hamas-run territory that the United Nations considers reliable.

Their data does not distinguish between civilians and combatants, but indicates that more than half of the dead are women and children.

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Israeli Forces Strike Gaza Despite Trump’s Ceasefire Call

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Gaza’s civil defence agency said Saturday that Israel carried out dozens of attacks on Gaza City despite US President Donald Trump’s appeal to end bombardments after Hamas accepted a ceasefire deal.

It was a very violent night, during which the (Israeli army) carried out dozens of air strikes and artillery shelling on Gaza City and other areas in the Strip, despite President Trump’s call to halt the bombing,” civil defence spokesman Mahmud Bassal told AFP.

Bassal, whose agency is a rescue force which operates under Hamas authority, added that 20 homes were destroyed in the overnight bombardments.

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READ ALSO:Brazil Slams Israel’s Gaza Aid Interception, Demands Detainees’ Safety

“The situation is very serious in Gaza City,” Bassal said, adding that his teams were not able to reach all the casualties due to the “presence of tanks and the ongoing bombardment”.

Contacted by AFP, the Israeli military said it was “checking” reports of overnight bombardments on Gaza City.

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Gaza City’s Baptist Hospital said in a statement that it received casualties from a strike on a home in Tuffah neighbourhood, including four dead and “several wounded”.

READ ALSO:Brazil Slams Israel’s Gaza Aid Interception, Demands Detainees’ Safety

Nasser Hospital in south Gaza’s Khan Yunis said two children were killed and eight people were wounded in a drone strike on a tent in a camp for displaced Gazans.

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The peace plan for Gaza, presented by Trump this week and backed by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, calls for a ceasefire, the release of hostages within 72 hours, Hamas’s disarmament and a gradual Israeli withdrawal from Gaza.

Hamas said on Friday it was ready to release hostages held in Gaza under the Trump plan, but wanted negotiations on the details and a say in the future of the Palestinian territory.

AFP

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Prosecutors Seek 11-year Sentence For Diddy, Citing ‘Lack Of Remorse’

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Prosecutors urged a federal judge Friday to sentence Sean “Diddy” Combs to more than a decade behind bars for his conviction on two prostitution-related counts, saying the music mogul had shown a lack of remorse.

This is not a person who has accepted responsibility,” prosecutor Christy Slavik told the New York court at Diddy’s sentencing hearing.

“His remorse was qualified. It’s as though he thinks the law doesn’t apply to him,” Slavik said in arguing for an 11-year prison sentence for the 55-year-old hip-hop innovator. ” “His respect for the law is just lip service.”

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Combs’s lawyers have asked the judge for a 14-month sentence, which would effectively be time served.

Slavik said Combs had booked speaking engagements in Miami next week in anticipation of a light sentence, which she called “the height of hubris.”

READ ALSO:Jury Selection Begins In Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Sex Crimes Trial

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Judge Arun Subramanian for his part said federal sentencing guidelines suggested a prison term of between six and seven years although he has the latitude to impose more or less.

The judge also noted an apparent lack of remorse, saying Combs has “challenged his factual guilt full-throatedly.”

Combs was expected to address the court at the sentencing hearing after submitting a letter to the judge on Thursday pleading for mercy and saying he had “lost my way.”

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Following two months of often searing testimony, jurors in July rejected the most serious charges of sex trafficking and racketeering against Combs, sparing him the prospect of life in prison.

Combs’s mother and six of his children were in court on Friday and have submitted letters to the judge in his support.

READ ALSO:Woman Who Accused Jay-Z, Diddy Of Rape Drops Lawsuit

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In his plea to the judge, Combs apologised for his conduct, saying he was “scared to death” to be away from his family and vowing he “will never commit a crime again.”

“I lost my way,” he wrote. “I got lost in my journey. Lost in the drugs and the excess.”

Combs’s former girlfriend, Casandra Ventura, asked the judge in a letter of her own to consider “the many lives that Sean Combs has upended with his abuse and control.”

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– ‘Humbled and broken’ –

Ventura, the 39-year-old singer known as Cassie, testified for days while heavily pregnant.

She described in wrenching detail physical, emotional and sexual abuse she suffered while in a more than decade-long relationship with Combs.

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READ ALSO:Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Reacts After Kanye West Calls For His Release From Prison

Ventura and another woman, identified as Jane, said they were coerced into performing so-called “freak-offs”: sexual marathons with hired men that Combs directed and sometimes filmed.

“The entire courtroom watched actual footage of Combs kicking and beating me as I tried to run away from a freak off in 2016,” Ventura wrote.

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People watched this footage dozens of times, seeing my body thrown to the ground, my hands over my head, curled into a fetal position to shield me from the worst blows,” she said, noting she has nightmares and flashbacks “on a regular, everyday basis.”

Ventura said she and her family had left the New York area for fear of “retribution” from Combs if he is released.

READ ALSO:Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Reacts After Kanye West Calls For His Release From Prison

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The defense didn’t deny Combs’s sexual activity but insisted it was consensual.

They also didn’t deny Combs’s years of violence against both romantic partners as well as employees — but they said it didn’t meet the legal threshold for the grave charges he faced.

Jurors took their side.

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The conviction on lesser if still serious counts stemmed from a federal statute that makes it illegal to transport people across state lines for prostitution.

Combs has been incarcerated in Brooklyn for more than a year.

He said his time in prison has left him “reborn.”

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I have been humbled and broken to my core,” Combs wrote.
AFP

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