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OPINION: The Day Alcohol Showed Me Shégè (2)

Published

8 months ago

January 17, 2025

Tunde Odesola

Without cross-ventilation, the staffroom was a dimly illuminated coven where students were flogged together with their shadows. Painted blue upon crimson baseboard, the staffroom always wears a mean look, like a barracks on coup day.

“Where did you fetch the òdaràn from?” Mr Olukitibi asked the senior students. “School farm, sir,” they chorused. “But I told you to bundle him here like a thief, you fools,” Olukitibi barked, moving pseudo-threateningly towards the seniors who bolted away to their classes giggling.

Turning to me, “Oga, what were you doing on the school farm?” “Reading, sir,” I muttered. “Reading with lizards and birds?” he asked. “No, sir. I was doing personal reading; the library is often noisy, sir.” “Personal reading?” he asked, taking a long cane from the bunch on the floor, trimming off its tiny branches, and exchanging pleasantries with another teacher. Mr Olukitibi was a deft leftie.

I saw my fellow criminals huddled up on their knees in a corner. Without being told, I joined them. The most feared female teachers in the history of Archbishop Aggey Memorial Secondary School were Mrs Ojo and Mrs Esan, both of whom were popularly called Iya Ojo and Iya Esan. But behind their backs, students familiar with moonlight tales of witches and wizards called them ‘àwon ìyá Òsòròngà’. If you think the joint hunt of a lion and a tiger was brutal, the Iya Ojo and Iya Esan combo was more brutal. Iya Ojo and Iya Esan? Dare and die!

Unfortunately, it was Iya Ojo and Iya Esan who sat in judgment over us. They urged Mr Olukitibi to hold his fire, explaining that to serve as a deterrent, it was better to give our flogging the trappings befitting an egúngún festival. “A má gbé eégún léni; we will have an egúngún festival today,” they said.

But before the egúngún festival commenced, Iya Esan sent a student to go and buy a packet of candles. When the candles were brought, she lit one at a time and ordered us to stretch forward the back of our hands, one after the other, tilting the burning candle sideways and making sure the melting hot wax dropped on our fingernails.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: The Day Alcohol Showed Me Shégè (1)

I can’t remember how many candles she melted on our fingernails and backhand. But I know we cried as if our anuses were greased with pepper; little did we know our torture had not begun.

Then, Iya Ojo and Iya Esan sent for the most feared male teachers in the school, one after the other. They got Mr Ade Elvis aka Super, Mr Adetunji aka TD Master, Mr Lawal, Mr Akintola, and Mr Olukitibi – for the impending egúngún festival.

Mr Olukitibi was the first egúngún to dance at the market square. I can’t remember how many strokes he gave us each, but he beat us like a bata drummer hammering away at his bata in the shrine of Sàngó. When we thought it was over, Mr Adetunji stepped in and gave us just six strokes each because he was student-friendly. Then came Mr Lawal who beat us with the venom of a snake killer.

Upon sighting Mr Akintola entering the flogging arena, Akeem staggered and fainted as Nigerian politicians faint in court. A little panic rent the air but Mr Akintola motioned that Akeem should be left alone on the floor as he reached for a cane from the bundle and resurrected Akeem, who got up wriggling and shouting, “Mi o daku mo, mo ti ji!” “I’m not fainting again, I have woken up!”

Sharply, Mr Akintola turned to the rest of us – Kunle Adeyoju, Jide Oladimeji, Taliatu Mudashiru, Sunday Oshokhai, Aliu Imoru, Akin and me, asking, “Is there anyone of you who wants to faint?” “No, sir!!” Mr Akintola was handsome with his tribal marks. But his strokes were ugly. I should’ve worn a foam and some T-shirts under my uniform as usual.

That day of karma was the day I knew why Mr Ade Elvis got the name Super. Super was like a father figure; slightly big and no-nonsense. In looks and voice, if Nyesom Wike was Yoruba, Super could’ve passed for his father. Super had a little stammer which aggravated whenever he was aggravated. He enjoyed it when students hailed him as Super!

Super’s cane came with questions and answers. Before he started beating each of us, he asked in Yoruba, “Which brand did you drink? How many bottles did you drink?” He had beaten two or three of us when it got to Akinade’s turn and all hell broke loose!

When Akinade stepped forward, Super, speaking in Yoruba, roared in Wike’s voice, “What beer did you drink!?” “Gulder, sir,” Akinade shivered. G-g-ulder!?!” Super stammered. Vicious strokes rained as he continued his interrogation: “You drink G-gulder, I drink Gulder!? You drink my beer, Gulder!? I d-drink Gulder, you drink G-gulder!?”

Super flew into a rage and he took his cane and Akinade along with him, battering Akinade as he asked him how many bottles he drank, with which mouth did he drink the beer, how did it taste, was it cold or hot? He beat Akin so much that we, his co-criminals, pitied him and thanked our stars we didn’t drink Gulder.

After the festival of flogging, we were marched back into the staffroom, where Iya Ojo and Iya Esan were waiting for us. They ordered us to get under teachers’ tables and stoop down – one person per table. This particular staffroom was peopled by female teachers, most of whom were principalities and powers.

Each of us got under a table to serve our continued sentence while the female teachers got on with their work and idle talk. Death is incomparable to sleep; we were glad that stooping down presented relief, away from the egúngún teachers. We were relieved the bombardment was finally coming to an end, we thought we had triumphed over the proverbial Longe, the dangerous man with a treacherous farm. But we were wrong. Longe’s danger was inescapable.

No sooner had we settled under the tables than we entered into another pot of soup. “Get under the tables and close your eyes,” Iya Ojo ordered us, adding, “You all will serve punishment till the close of school.” If we obeyed Iya Ojo and closed our eyes, we wouldn’t enter into fresh trouble. I must confess, we opened our eyes and saw hell.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR: OPINION: The Cockroach Called Dele Farotimi (1)

Each of us stooped down under the tables with our backs to our teachers, meaning that we, the little rascals, could see one another. Madness hadn’t taken over the fashion world when we were in school. Our teachers wore knee-length clothes and never fed their bodies to the ogling eyes of the world.

But their long skirts and dresses were not long enough to shut out our eyes from seeing panties of different materials – satin, silk and lace – worn by our teachers. “Ha!” “Iku de! Death is here!

So, each student briefly sighted the briefs of the teachers adjacent and opposite to him though not all the teachers sat in exposure. And, we got carried away! We turned what should have been a taboo sighting to ringside viewing until Mr Adetunji, who was passing by on the corridor, saw us!

He stormed into the staffroom and ordered us out. “Ah, Mr Adetunji, o ti to, it’s enough, they have got enough beaten today,” Iya Ojo and Iya Esan, along with other female teachers pleaded. But Mr Adetunji wouldn’t listen. He began with a cane and ended up using his fists like Mike Tyson. He beat us like aso òfì, Yoruba’s iconic cloth.

Unlike when we were flogged for drinking and we wailed like one-testicle fellows, as vicious as Mr Adetunji’s come-back beating was, we didn’t wail because we were afraid that if we wailed, Mr Adetunji might be pushed to spill the beans.

The female teachers begged and begged, but TD Master didn’t budge. He beat us until his watch snapped. We couldn’t cry; we could only be grateful. If he had told the teachers what we did, we would’ve been cast into a lake of fire.

We were very lucky that day because in the morning before darkness fell on us, the Vice-Principal, Mr Adeleye, had come to the staffroom to tell Iya Ojo and Iya Esan not to disclose to the principal, Pa John Olatunji Olowe, the real reason we were being punished. He said the principal would expel us for drinking and no school in Lagos was going to take us.

Sparing the rod or spanking the child: If spanking the child was as effective as its advocacy, I don’t think we would commit a much more grievous offence when we were in the jaws of death. Our rascality highlights the daredevilry that pushes people to push drugs in Saudi Arabia, China, Iran, Singapore and Kuwait, not minding their heads being cut.

Like the three-year-old boy recently assaulted at Christ-Mitots School, Ikorodu, many students have had their psyches damaged by high-handed beating and corporal punishment. While I’m not 100% anti-spanking, I seek a synergy between moral suasion and spanking.

Concluded.

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @Tunde Odesola

X: @Tunde_Odesola

News

Textile, Garment And Tailoring Workers Assault Journalists In Edo

Published

2 hours ago

September 16, 2025

Editor

Some members of the National Union of Textile, Garment and Tailoring Workers of Nigeria (NUTGTWN), Edo State branch,
on Tuesday, assaulted journalists who were invited to their secretariat to cover their meeting.

Deputy General Secretary of the NUTGTWN, Comrade Emeka Nkwoala, invited the journalists to the secretariat of the body to get the outcome of a meeting he was directed to hold with them following the resignation of the branch chairman, Mike Ochei from the Caretaker Committee, and the suspension leadership of the union in Edo State over his resignation.

The Caretaker Committee was set up by the leadership of the Nigerian Labour Congress (NLC) to resolve the crisis and conduct election into the state leadership of the Congress.

Ochei, while resiging was quoted to have said that he was coerced into the membership of the caretaker committee, hence his resignation.

Trouble, however, started, when, after the journalists introduced themselves inside the hall, and as Nkwoala about to talk, some of the members of the body started shouting ‘we don’t need press,’ it is an internal affair, they must leave,’ which was followed by some of the union members physically assaulting the journalists. One of the members poked his hands into the eyes of one of the reporters, while they used derogatory words on them.

Addressing journalists after the uproar that followed the meeting, Nkwoala said Ochei was contacted and informed before he was nominated to serve in the NLC committee, stressing that it was, therefore, wrong for him to have claimed that he was coerced into the committee.

He, thereafter, apologised to journalists who were harassed by some members of the union.

Nkwoala said: “I want to apologise on behalf of our union, we are a matured union, we hold the press in high esteem and we relate very well with the press. From the inception of our union, our past leaders didn’t joke with the press. Is it Comrade Adams Oshiomhole, Comrade Issa Aremu or the current General Secretary Comrade Ali Baba? We don’t joke with the press. We apologise for the embarrassment that our members caused you. We are not known for such.

“The state of our union right now in Edo State is that we have suspended the Mike Ochei led state exco. They are on suspension till further notice. That was the resolution we reached with the various chairmen of the zones in Benin City today, it was also the resolution of our National Administrative Council (NAC) of our Union via our zoom meeting yesterday (Monday). So they cannot represent the NUTGTWN anywhere in whatever capacity.”

On the way forward for the crisis in Edo NLC, he said: “Our allegiance is to the national leadership of the NLC ably led by Comrade Joe Ajaero and the Professor Monday Igbafen led caretaker committee. We believe that the leadership of the NLC has machinery in place to deal with some of these issues, for us we are part and parcel of the NLC and we will continue to pay our allegiance with the leadership of congress led by Comrade Ajaero.”

News

Edo Deputy Gov Tasks Lab Scientists On Research, Vaccine Production

Published

5 hours ago

September 16, 2025

Editor

Deputy governor of Edo State, Hon. Dennis Idahosa, on Tuesday, urged the Association of Medical Laboratory Scientists of Nigeria (AMLSN), to go into deep research, and channelled scientific findings to boost public health.

Idahosa also urged the scientists to set up a vaccine manufacturing company in Edo State.

The deputy governor spoke when he played host to the state chapter of AMLSN, saying “as we speak, we still do not have a vaccine manufacturing company or industry in the whole of Nigeria. That, to me, is worrisome.”

Idahosa, who hosted the scientists on behalf of Governor Monday Okpebholo, added: ” This is the heartbeat of the nation. I think we should roll up our sleeves and do what other states in this country have not done before. Let Edo be the beginner.”

He appreciated the laboratory scientists on the courtesy visit, just as he commended them for their contributions and medical interventions, which he said had given a boost to the public health sector delivery system in the state.

Making reference to the campaign manifesto and five point SHINE Agenda of Okpebholo, Idahosa affirmed that, “after security, health is number two. We are laying so much emphasis on health. Edo State is going to be happy with what we are going to do with the health sector.”

Idahosa assured the scientists that he was going to work closely with “the think tanks in the health sector based on raised areas of needs,” as “government would look at the best way to proffer solution to some of these challenges.”

State Chairman of the AMLSN, Dr. Ekhaguere Ehigie who earlier congratulated the Edo State Government for victories at the polls and in court, highlighted issues that plagued laboratory practice in Nigeria.

He advocated the setting up of modern molecular laboratories and use of Nano technology to boost disease diagnosis, accurate laboratory results and monitoring/surveillance of public health.

News

10 Things Candidates Should Know About Customs Recruitment CBT Exams

Published

5 hours ago

September 16, 2025

Editor

The Nigeria Customs Service has issued detailed guidelines to shortlisted candidates ahead of its computer-based test for the ongoing recruitment exercise.

This was contained in a statement obtained by The PUNCH on Tuesday.

The service emphasised that the CBT would be strictly monitored and advised candidates to take note of all instructions to avoid disqualification.

According to the NCS, here are 10 key things applicants must know

1. Test will be online

The service explained that the CBT would be conducted virtually, allowing candidates to write the exam from any location as long as there is reliable internet access. It added that those without personal devices could make use of internet-enabled computer centres.

2. Mobile phones not allowed

Applicants were warned against attempting to use mobile phones for the exam, as the platform does not support such devices. Only laptops and desktops that have webcam capability and allow full-screen display will be accepted.

3. Facial verification required

The NCS stated that a mandatory facial recognition process would be carried out during login. Candidates were urged to prepare accordingly, as their faces must match the details already provided during registration.

4. Avoid untidy appearance

The mail advised applicants to ensure their facial presentation is clear and uncluttered, stressing that “clumsy facial looks” might hinder the smooth operation of the verification system.

5. Sensitive to noise and movement

The CBT application is programmed to detect unusual behaviour. Candidates were cautioned to sit still and maintain focus throughout the test. The system, it warned, could log out those who make excessive body movements or create noise.

6. No distractions allowed

Beyond movements, the service also warned against writing the exam in noisy environments. It explained that whispering or background disturbances may be picked up by the system and interpreted as malpractice.

7. One window at a time

Applicants must remain on a single screen throughout the exam. Switching from one window to another, even briefly, could be flagged by the application as an attempt to cheat.

8. Pre-test before main exam

To familiarise candidates with the system, the service said there would be a compulsory practice session two days before the actual test. This, it added, would enable applicants to understand how the application works and reduce errors on the exam day.

9. Two links for candidates

The NCS explained that applicants would receive two separate links: one to access the pre-test and another for the main CBT on a different date. It urged candidates to use the correct link on the assigned day.

10. Extra test for Superintendent cadre

The mail noted that those who applied for the Superintendent cadre (Level 8) would undertake an additional CBT in the next phase of the recruitment. However, this requirement does not apply to candidates seeking positions in the Inspectorate and Customs Assistant cadres.

The service said that applicants who scale through all stages would be invited for a final screening.

According to The PUNCH, 286,697 candidates were shortlisted for the CBT stage, with the NCS directing all applicants to validate their email addresses as part of the process.