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OPINION: The Day Alcohol Showed Me Shégè (2)

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Tunde Odesola

Without cross-ventilation, the staffroom was a dimly illuminated coven where students were flogged together with their shadows. Painted blue upon crimson baseboard, the staffroom always wears a mean look, like a barracks on coup day.
“Where did you fetch the òdaràn from?” Mr Olukitibi asked the senior students. “School farm, sir,” they chorused. “But I told you to bundle him here like a thief, you fools,” Olukitibi barked, moving pseudo-threateningly towards the seniors who bolted away to their classes giggling.
Turning to me, “Oga, what were you doing on the school farm?” “Reading, sir,” I muttered. “Reading with lizards and birds?” he asked. “No, sir. I was doing personal reading; the library is often noisy, sir.” “Personal reading?” he asked, taking a long cane from the bunch on the floor, trimming off its tiny branches, and exchanging pleasantries with another teacher. Mr Olukitibi was a deft leftie.
I saw my fellow criminals huddled up on their knees in a corner. Without being told, I joined them. The most feared female teachers in the history of Archbishop Aggey Memorial Secondary School were Mrs Ojo and Mrs Esan, both of whom were popularly called Iya Ojo and Iya Esan. But behind their backs, students familiar with moonlight tales of witches and wizards called them ‘àwon ìyá Òsòròngà’. If you think the joint hunt of a lion and a tiger was brutal, the Iya Ojo and Iya Esan combo was more brutal. Iya Ojo and Iya Esan? Dare and die!
Unfortunately, it was Iya Ojo and Iya Esan who sat in judgment over us. They urged Mr Olukitibi to hold his fire, explaining that to serve as a deterrent, it was better to give our flogging the trappings befitting an egúngún festival. “A má gbé eégún léni; we will have an egúngún festival today,” they said.
But before the egúngún festival commenced, Iya Esan sent a student to go and buy a packet of candles. When the candles were brought, she lit one at a time and ordered us to stretch forward the back of our hands, one after the other, tilting the burning candle sideways and making sure the melting hot wax dropped on our fingernails.
I can’t remember how many candles she melted on our fingernails and backhand. But I know we cried as if our anuses were greased with pepper; little did we know our torture had not begun.
Then, Iya Ojo and Iya Esan sent for the most feared male teachers in the school, one after the other. They got Mr Ade Elvis aka Super, Mr Adetunji aka TD Master, Mr Lawal, Mr Akintola, and Mr Olukitibi – for the impending egúngún festival.
Mr Olukitibi was the first egúngún to dance at the market square. I can’t remember how many strokes he gave us each, but he beat us like a bata drummer hammering away at his bata in the shrine of Sàngó. When we thought it was over, Mr Adetunji stepped in and gave us just six strokes each because he was student-friendly. Then came Mr Lawal who beat us with the venom of a snake killer.
Upon sighting Mr Akintola entering the flogging arena, Akeem staggered and fainted as Nigerian politicians faint in court. A little panic rent the air but Mr Akintola motioned that Akeem should be left alone on the floor as he reached for a cane from the bundle and resurrected Akeem, who got up wriggling and shouting, “Mi o daku mo, mo ti ji!” “I’m not fainting again, I have woken up!”
Sharply, Mr Akintola turned to the rest of us – Kunle Adeyoju, Jide Oladimeji, Taliatu Mudashiru, Sunday Oshokhai, Aliu Imoru, Akin and me, asking, “Is there anyone of you who wants to faint?” “No, sir!!” Mr Akintola was handsome with his tribal marks. But his strokes were ugly. I should’ve worn a foam and some T-shirts under my uniform as usual.
That day of karma was the day I knew why Mr Ade Elvis got the name Super. Super was like a father figure; slightly big and no-nonsense. In looks and voice, if Nyesom Wike was Yoruba, Super could’ve passed for his father. Super had a little stammer which aggravated whenever he was aggravated. He enjoyed it when students hailed him as Super!
Super’s cane came with questions and answers. Before he started beating each of us, he asked in Yoruba, “Which brand did you drink? How many bottles did you drink?” He had beaten two or three of us when it got to Akinade’s turn and all hell broke loose!
When Akinade stepped forward, Super, speaking in Yoruba, roared in Wike’s voice, “What beer did you drink!?” “Gulder, sir,” Akinade shivered. G-g-ulder!?!” Super stammered. Vicious strokes rained as he continued his interrogation: “You drink G-gulder, I drink Gulder!? You drink my beer, Gulder!? I d-drink Gulder, you drink G-gulder!?”
Super flew into a rage and he took his cane and Akinade along with him, battering Akinade as he asked him how many bottles he drank, with which mouth did he drink the beer, how did it taste, was it cold or hot? He beat Akin so much that we, his co-criminals, pitied him and thanked our stars we didn’t drink Gulder.
After the festival of flogging, we were marched back into the staffroom, where Iya Ojo and Iya Esan were waiting for us. They ordered us to get under teachers’ tables and stoop down – one person per table. This particular staffroom was peopled by female teachers, most of whom were principalities and powers.
Each of us got under a table to serve our continued sentence while the female teachers got on with their work and idle talk. Death is incomparable to sleep; we were glad that stooping down presented relief, away from the egúngún teachers. We were relieved the bombardment was finally coming to an end, we thought we had triumphed over the proverbial Longe, the dangerous man with a treacherous farm. But we were wrong. Longe’s danger was inescapable.
No sooner had we settled under the tables than we entered into another pot of soup. “Get under the tables and close your eyes,” Iya Ojo ordered us, adding, “You all will serve punishment till the close of school.” If we obeyed Iya Ojo and closed our eyes, we wouldn’t enter into fresh trouble. I must confess, we opened our eyes and saw hell.
Each of us stooped down under the tables with our backs to our teachers, meaning that we, the little rascals, could see one another. Madness hadn’t taken over the fashion world when we were in school. Our teachers wore knee-length clothes and never fed their bodies to the ogling eyes of the world.
But their long skirts and dresses were not long enough to shut out our eyes from seeing panties of different materials – satin, silk and lace – worn by our teachers. “Ha!” “Iku de! Death is here!
So, each student briefly sighted the briefs of the teachers adjacent and opposite to him though not all the teachers sat in exposure. And, we got carried away! We turned what should have been a taboo sighting to ringside viewing until Mr Adetunji, who was passing by on the corridor, saw us!
He stormed into the staffroom and ordered us out. “Ah, Mr Adetunji, o ti to, it’s enough, they have got enough beaten today,” Iya Ojo and Iya Esan, along with other female teachers pleaded. But Mr Adetunji wouldn’t listen. He began with a cane and ended up using his fists like Mike Tyson. He beat us like aso òfì, Yoruba’s iconic cloth.
Unlike when we were flogged for drinking and we wailed like one-testicle fellows, as vicious as Mr Adetunji’s come-back beating was, we didn’t wail because we were afraid that if we wailed, Mr Adetunji might be pushed to spill the beans.
The female teachers begged and begged, but TD Master didn’t budge. He beat us until his watch snapped. We couldn’t cry; we could only be grateful. If he had told the teachers what we did, we would’ve been cast into a lake of fire.
We were very lucky that day because in the morning before darkness fell on us, the Vice-Principal, Mr Adeleye, had come to the staffroom to tell Iya Ojo and Iya Esan not to disclose to the principal, Pa John Olatunji Olowe, the real reason we were being punished. He said the principal would expel us for drinking and no school in Lagos was going to take us.
Sparing the rod or spanking the child: If spanking the child was as effective as its advocacy, I don’t think we would commit a much more grievous offence when we were in the jaws of death. Our rascality highlights the daredevilry that pushes people to push drugs in Saudi Arabia, China, Iran, Singapore and Kuwait, not minding their heads being cut.
Like the three-year-old boy recently assaulted at Christ-Mitots School, Ikorodu, many students have had their psyches damaged by high-handed beating and corporal punishment. While I’m not 100% anti-spanking, I seek a synergy between moral suasion and spanking.
Concluded.
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola

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Edo Postpones School Resumption Date

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Edo State Government has postponed the resumption of all public and private schools in Edo Central Senatorial District where Governor Monday Okpebholo hails from.

The postponement of the resumption date may not be unconnected to the rising insecurity in the area, as it would be recalled that violent protest a few days ago engulfed Ekpoma, Edo Central over incessant kidnappings in the locality.

The angry protesters vandalised the Palace of the Onojie of Ekpoma, just as shops were looted, an act the state government had condemned in strong terms.

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READ ALSO:Edo Targets 2.2 Million Children For Measles, Rubella Vaccination

In a statement, the state Commissioner for Education, Dr. Paddy Iyamu, said the school resumption postponement was till further notice and to enable them address some exigencies to improve the welfare of the pupils.

According to him, “The new date of resumption will be duly communicated to the public in due course.

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“Parents, guardians, and all education stakeholders within Edo Central Senatorial District are kindly requested to take note of this development and comply accordingly.”

 

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NAF Launches Attack On Terrorists In Borno

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The Nigerian Air Force, NAF, operating as part of the joint task force of Operation Hadin Kai, has carried out a coordinated air interdiction at AbbagaJiri in the Timbuktu Triangle, Borno State.

According to Air Commodore Ehimen Ejodame, Director of Public Relations and Information of NAF, the air strikes successfully paved the way for ground troops.

He explained that the operation was based on actionable intelligence from multiple sources, which confirmed the presence of terrorists, their structures, and concealed logistics facilities in the area.

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Ejodame stated that NAF air assets were deployed in integrated surveillance and precision strike roles to target identified threats.

READ ALSO:NAF Hits Bandit Logistics Hub, Neutralises Many In Zamfara

The operation aimed to degrade terrorist capabilities, deny them sanctuary, and shape the battlefield for ground forces, all while strictly adhering to rules of engagement and protecting civilians.

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He added, “The Identified terrorist structures were decisively engaged and destroyed, denying the terrorists freedom of action, while a follow-up engagement neutralised armed elements observed converging on the location.”

Subsequent advances by ground troops into the area confirmed the effectiveness of the air strikes and validated the success of the joint air–land operation.”

Speaking on the mission, Chief of the Air Staff (CAS), Air Marshal Sunday Aneke, said, “The success of the mission reflects the NAF’s resolve to dominate the air domain in support of joint operations.

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READ ALSO:NAF Hits Bandit Logistics Hub, Neutralises Many In Zamfara

Aneke further emphasized that the operation highlighted the service’s commitment to providing precise and decisive air power in support of ground forces.

In his words, “We will continue to deny terrorists freedom of movement, sanctuary, and logistics wherever they seek to hide. Air operations will remain relentless and intelligence-driven.”

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“Our operations are carefully planned and intelligence-led, ensuring maximum effect on hostile elements while safeguarding innocent civilians.”

READ ALSO:NAF Announces Two-hour Road Closure In Abuja For 10km Walk

The Nigerian Air Force will sustain pressure until terrorist networks are completely dismantled.”

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He further noted that the operation showcased NAF’s aggressive stance, precision employment of airpower, and dedication to sustained joint operations.

Aneke added that such missions play a crucial role in enabling ground troops to maintain momentum and deliver decisive outcomes against terrorist networks threatening lives, property, and Nigeria’s national security.

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Lagos Parks To Close For Maintenance – State Govt

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The Lagos State Parks and Gardens Agency, LASPARK, has announced that all public parks under its management across the state will be temporarily closed for routine maintenance and upgrades.

In a statement released on January 9 and shared via its official platforms early Saturday, LASPARK said, “All parks under our management will be closed to the public from January 12 to January 31, 2026.

“This follows increased visitor activity during the recent festive season.”

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The agency listed several popular recreational spots that will be affected, including “Ndubisi Kanu Park, Alausa JJT Park, Dr. Finnih Abayomi Park in Oregun, and all other LASPARK-managed parks across Lagos State.”

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Explaining the reason for the closure, LASPARK added, “The temporary shutdown is necessary to carry out essential landscaping, facility repairs, and general upgrades to ensure that our parks remain safe, clean, and enjoyable for residents and visitors.”

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The agency also stressed that the exercise aligns with its broader mandate, noting, “This maintenance programme is part of our commitment to providing well-maintained green spaces that promote relaxation, wellness, and environmental sustainability.”

LASPARK assured residents that “all parks will reopen at the end of the maintenance period.”

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